slight ramble but feeling a bit twitchy

No-one wants to pick at you - I'm sure they are just trying to get to know your situation better so they can do what's best for your child. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for you though but it must be perfectly natural to feel scared. PND is very common and I bet you'd be surprised at how many of your 'odd' traits are shared by loads of us here.

What Baron Said.

And big hugs for you xx

Thank you both

tbh i thought the pnd was gone - but i am not sure - but that is ridiculous as the youngest is now 5

it is all my other wierd stuff that i am scared of them delving into - but all of that is stuff i have been flying under the radar with since i was a teenager - now i am nearly 40 i dont think i can cope with having my defences broken down

unfortunately a lot of it is relevant if he has this condition so i will have to face a certain amount of it - which i am prepared to do - i just dont know if i want to 'deal' with it

it is who i am now and too late to change - i dont really want to turn into an over counselled evened out person - i might be a bit crap but i am me for better or worse

I second what the others say about many many people having traits of some sort...

I am on the spectrum that is OCD... very few people know and I would probably feel the same if it was exposed or questioned... especially if it was linked to my son IYSWIM. A lot of people think its amusing and although when I do mention it I tend to in a humorous way - I do battle to stay in control of it at times.

Hugs x

thank you catcat

ocd is one of my traits - it used to be quite debilitating but since i had hypnotherapy it has been much more under control - i do talk to people about it and make a bit of a joke of it but it isnt that funny really is it ?

I could have wrote this today, 3 boys all dyslexic and today made to feel that it's all my fault because I had a breakdown after having a baby at 23 weeks and it was touch and go for 11 weeks 15 years ago. It is not our fault, I still can't spell and feel as other family members have said that we feel it's genetic, others have gone on to be gp's etc even with writing problems.

Keep being positive, people really don't understand at times what the autistic spectrum does do to a family.?

Meant to add that the youngest who is 4 was assessed as having learning problems at 2, now reads more than anyone in pre-school because I can't do another child been classed as a wo****** child at school because of his family.(private mumbo jumbo woman as H calls her, an angel I call her?)

There is help out there it's just bloody hard to find it. It isn't you it's just life xx

Thank you titchbunny

it is hard to explain - i feel that i have kept my oddness apart from them pretty much - i think we as a couple and/or separately do a lot with them

i think we are a good parenting team - it is more of a personal thing - i have strategically avoided being put under this kind of scrutiny because i dont want to be analysed and now i am terrified of being forced into it

the psychologist today talked about group parenting sessions - i just cant do that - i just cant

oh bloody hell - what a mess

I can sort of relate to what you are going thru - since E started with the self harm etc i have been visited by so many doctors etc to talk me thru everything about her/me/the other children - i am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with. I have another doctor coming to see me on Friday about her.

the docs seemed keen on us having family therapy - tbh we have refused. H isn't keen - E won't talk to anyone at all about why she is doing what she is apart from to say it is not connected to us [parents] - so we can't really see a lot of point in it. And yes i know we should probably explore it as a possibility - but i am sick of my parenting being pulled to pieces by people who don't know any of us - including E.

I had one doctor telling me that E feels that she has been 'deprived of material things due to having her siblings' which is incredibly hurtful and fairly untrue - she has had pretty much everything she asked for [within reason] and has had a hell of a lot more spent on her than the younger ones as we spend age appropriately iyswim.... yet i was left feeling that she is telling people we have neglected her.

I am being really rather cross and fed up with her and the whole situation this week - sorry. But you definately have my sympathies cos this is truly vile. ?

Janey and Swampy - I would find those things really hard to cope with to. It frustrates me, but there is a popular psychology that feels any 'problem' with a child is instantly the result of something a parent has done or not done. Which, barring the most obvious neglect cases, is bollocks. We are all, as children and parents, far more complicated than that.

Swampy - E may feel as though she's been deprived of material things - but show me a teenager who doesn't, it doesn't mean it's true. It just means she's immature (which, of course she is, she's not grown up fully yet.) I felt extremely hard done to because my parents didn't have a video, it doesn't mean I hold it against them now ?. J thinks we are really mean because he doesn't have the latest of everything - and C was trying to argue yesterday in McDonalds that he needed new toys more than the children in hospital "because he was poorly too" (he'd had his pre-school jabs.) Please don't take it too personally, it seems to me you are doing an excellent job under difficult circumstances. Mental illness is exactly that, an illness. E is not responsible for it, and she couldn't talk herself out of it. If you accept that, it's madness to think you are responsible for it.

Janey, I am an ex-PND loopster too, so please don't feel alone. And I bet I have a lot of the traits you refer to. We're all a whole spectrum of things good and bad, that's what makes us unique. I can understand your reticence at beginning this process, I would feel the same, but you can't be undone. You are you, and you are wonderful. Remember that ?

Thanks clairy ? I just feel that this is taking over my life far too much kwim?

I have got her old school reports to hand over so that they can see she was always happy and settled..... it cheered me up to remind me of what she used to be like and gave me hope that we will get back to there some day.

janey - ? pm me if you ever want a private moan about this

I can understand exactly why you feel like you do janey. ?

Thanks all - and sorry for not responding earlier - got myself in a total funk with the whole thing yesterday and was a bit of a mess

am determined to be a proper grown up and deal with it all as best i can

i really appreciate your offer swamps - it means a lot - and likewise - i am ever so much better at dealing with other people's problems than facing my own <hollow laugh>

thanks again - you really are all wonderful