Small intimate wedding. Guest imposter!!!

I suppose if you're really keeping the numbers down you could just say to the best man that you're just keeping it to the minimum in terms of guests?

Is your bridesmaid bringing a partner? Likelihood is, the only people your best man will know are you and the groom so having his OH there could make him feel more comfortable as your attention will be divided amongst your other guests. As they've been together for three years so it doesn't seem like she's a flash in the pan, maybe she is quite shy and thinks her relationship with you is better than you do?

Ultimately it's your decision but I would go about it carefully - you don't want to put a strain on your OH's friendship of 20 years!

For my wedding we decided on no partners being invited, only friends and family - caused a bit of awkwardness but no-one's had any real problem with it. I'm like you, I didn't want someone I don't really know witnessing my marriage (we actually had a friend's girlfriend offer to cover her costs if we let her come - still a no!) As long as it's the same rule for everyone then it's no problem in my book, and I'm sure anyone would understand - weddings can be expensive!

We've invited partners to our evening do so they're included on the day.

I think it sounds as if you won't be having an evening do as such and if no other partners are coming other than those in immediate family and no other friends there shouldn't be a problem with him coming on his own for just long enough for the service and meal. In those circumstances I wouldn't be offended if I wasn't invited and my other half was because he was best man at the service. If it's explained that it's a small number of immediate family and one friend each to be best man and bridesmaid and that it's not intended as offensive to the girlfriend fine. He may of course say he won't come without her so you need to know how your oh feels about that.

I understand how you feel. You have many friends who you are closer to who won't be there so why should she...

That said, we had a very small wedding as well (12 guests invited) and we did invite partners. My brother just got into a new relationship 6 months before our wedding, and if it had lasted, she would have been invited. I also have other friends I was closer to than my friends' partners but not inviting them didn't even occur to me to be honest.

If you are generally not inviting partners I don't think it would be a problem not to invite her but if you are and just want to exclude her, it may not be worth it.

Can I be totally honest? Hopefully I can. It sounds a little bit spiteful to not invite her. The best man is clearly a big part of your h2b's life for a long long time and it would be the right thing to do to have his partner there. Agree though if no other partners are invited then fine but otherwise it seems pretty harsh.

Hmmm its a difficult one. I can see both sides to on this but to be honest I would probably just invite her for the sake of your h2bs best man. We are only having immediate family and close friends but we have invited partners if they are long term/married/living together. Some of them we've not even both met or only met once or twice but we want people to feel comfortable and enjoy themselves which I think they will more if they have their other halves with them. Yes money is tight but it's a celebration of love at the end of the day.

however, if you are dead set about not inviting her then I think so long as you or your OH explain that it is literally just immediate family coming then it should be ok, just might be a bit uncomfortable.

Im having issues with this too... my fiance want to invite some friends who are in long term relationship or married but we dont even know who to, we have never met their partners and dont even know their names they are very litrally complete and utter strangers that we wouldnt know even if we tripped over them.

my finance is insiting that we cant invite them without their partners however I feel justified in pointing out that in nearly 10 years together ive only even been invite with him to 3 things and 2 have been in this last year - I have even deliberatly been left OFF invites that invited him and the kids so why should I feel the need to invite their partner when they have never bothered with me.

so far its the biggest issue in our planning

Obviously it's your call, but you have to accept that there may be a bit of hard feeling if you don't invite her. Is it worth jeopardizing your OH's friendship over? Personally, I would be really put out if my OH was invited to a wedding that I wasn't, and I know he would be too. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your OH was asked to be BM but you weren't invited?

I'm sorry, I think this makes you look bad. I can understand where you're coming from... but I can't see it ending well. People are going to think badly of you, no matter how much you try to sugar coat this.

If she was a recent thing then maybe you could get away with it. She's been on the scene 3 years though! My feeling is that it's not worth the hassle and the damage to your own reputation.

Surely if you don't know her yet then there's scope to make some effort?

I would also add that it's going to be a real proud moment for the Best Man - he would naturally want his other half to share his glory moment.

What does your other half think about it?

I think it depends on how may other people are bringing partners along- is your bridesmaid/MOH having her's come? Once you invite one, it landslides into having to invite them all.

If you have only met her once or twice, I would say it's fine not inviting her- but if your H2B is as close to his friend as you say, then likelihood is you've met her a few more times than that.

I had a similar problem where a cousin of my H2B (who I've met only very briefly once!) was annoyed because we weren't inviting her boyfriend (who she's been with the same time as us) due to the fact 1) we didn't know he existed, 2) we didn't know his name and 3) we had never met him!