'Smart' and the average husband... AIBU?

I'd be livid actually. Bet he didn't wear that for the wedding? As far as I'm concerned he's not showing you any respect by not caring what he looks like. Could he swap the jogging bottoms for jeans. That wouldn't look as bad and is still casual?

Poor you. My OH will try and get away with shorts for almost any occasion too.

If he doesn't change his outfit, just try and iognore it and have a good time anyway - don't let it spoil your evening.

Happy anniversary!

He doesn't wear jeans... He has 3 dress modes - ultra smart (bow tie, waistcoat, full on Proper Dress, wedding-type gear, etc), work smart (shirt, tie, smart trousers) and everything else (t-shirt and casual trousers/combats). I knew this when we married, but it's still upsetting me that because it's not 'comfortable' and the shoes aren't comfy, he won't wear something I (and general society) think is suitable for a nice night out in a restaurant...

But then he's never been good at social dress codes... Neither have I, but I'm being slightly dressy tonight because it's a special occassion...

I might have got a compromise with smart trousers & a polo-neck. He'll moan about the shoes all night though...

Hhhhmmmm. i'm a little bit with mr x. i hate dressing up, and especially after having to wear a minging uniform all day like to be comfortable

but jogging pants? i think not ?

It sounds to me as though this is down to a different perception of what the 'smart' clothes stand for. To him, it's a bit like having to wear your school uniform outside school (I always hated this feeling), whereas to you, it's about making the effort and respecting you.

It's a bit late for this time, but how about a shopping trip to buy him some nice gear that he wouldn't wear to work, but would still qualify as 'smart' (or at least smart/casual)?

I also find that if I dress up a bit, my H will feel uncomfortable unless he's looking reasonably smart too - would this work at all?

Think you've hit the nail on the head with the 'school uniform' thing.

Might see if I can coax him into more turtle necks and some more smarter comfortable trousers in the future. Open neck shirts are apparently totally out, he doesn't like them - and he only likes black, white and, at a pinch, grey plain t-shirts... *bangs head against wall*

And most fashionable tops don't suit him at all, he's very simplistic in his clothes taste and hates fashion!

Hmmm. OK, we've settled on turtle neck (black), smart combats (black) and smart shoes (black) with smart socks (black). With his hair half bleached blonde, he looks like a sterotypical French Artiste. Sigh. Oh, and I'm being told silver watch (with black face) too - which was his engagement present... And probably his worn-but-smart long black leather trench coat. Hmmm, I think he likes black...

Absolute honest truth? I would have realised this about him before the wedding and wouldn't have married him. Actually, scrap that. He wouldn't have made it past the second date. I mean, I'd have given him the benefit of the doubt just once.

And as for the current scenario - I'd either cancel the table or go out with girlfriends. There's no excuse for the way he's treating you and I would not put up with it.

? Well at least you've managed to compromise!

I think you need to go shopping with him, work out what he likes, and make some suggestions based on that - maybe try him with things he wouldn't normally pick out, just get him to try them on. Baby steps though, nothing too outlandish (at least to start with!).

Make sure you give him lots and lots of compliments when he's wearing something you do like too.

Best of luck, and enjoy your meal!

I wouldn't give a toss, personally. If that's what he feels comfortable in and will enjoy the evening whilst wearing, then who am I to *** and moan and complain about it? I'd feel really petty having a go. I'd probably mention that I really fancy him in x outfit and how good he looks in it, but then leave it if he didn't want to wear it.

I'm the type of person who is always over-dressed for an occasion, as well, but I don't judge others on what they choose to wear. As long as it's relatively tidy, clean, doesn't have the arse hanging out of it and doesn't mean you'll get refused entry, then fine. If i married someone knowing that they prefer to dress in a casual way, then why try and change them?

?

My H has just read this and said that he would make an effort and dress up so if you have the average husband mine must be better - I think if you have gone to the effort then so should he.

CBH - seriously? ?

It's bad trousers, not anything serious ?

Then again, I'm the scruffy one in our marriage. If it's clean and doesn't have threads hanging off the bottom, then it'll do for any occasion.

Could you find a smart casual compromise? not work suits but not jogging bottoms?

if my husband was planning to go out for a meal in paint covered gardening trousers and a 20 year old t shirt i might suggest an alternative otherwise if he's smart (but not a suit) that's fine.

My H is a bit like this. He doesn't enjoy clothes shopping and wouldn't appreciate me buying him clothes.

It used to bother me at first but I've got used to it now. I would prefer him to be comfortable than to force him in to wearing something that makes him uncomfortable. I married him, not his clothes ?

Voila!

My H isn't particularly image conscious, but if we're going out to a posh restaurant or into town he will wear smarter jeans or trousers and a casual shirt. My Mum and I often buy him clothes as presents so he doesn't have to choose his own v often!?

I suppose combats wouldn't be too bad if worn with a very trendy t-shirt and casual shoes or something.

My husband is not too dissimilar. In our house that would mean chino style or combats. With a t-shirt! When I first met him though he wore trackie bottoms everywhere. Still hates jeans but I've persuaded him that combats are better - and I've changed the style of t-shirt - they look smarter as they generally have a v-neck collar now as opposed to a round neck. Having said that Simon would never have thought about wearing tracksuit trousers out on a date - which is essentially what this is!

Mr FtG has a bit of a smart-casual mental block. He can do smart, and does it quite dashingly, and he can do casual, but just will not do anything on the middle. He complains I am trying to make him look like a boyband. ?

Mine is a bit like this too, he has work clothes (trousers and shirts - though I found out recently when I wasnt washing shirts anymore that he wears his cycling shirts at work as well as getting to work)

cycling clothes (see above)

1 pair of smart trousers, which he wears to weddings and occasionally restaurants

the rest of the time he wears erm how does he call it, active wear, this involves scruffy trousers (one pair of which have a hole in the bum) old skanky tshirts, north face or mountain wear tops, or occasionally his cycling tops as well

hmmm Im seeing a theme here, I guess I was lucky he chose a fairly decent suit for the wedding

MrRache is quite good at smart casual. I expect it was his pubic school/sports jacket upbringing. He got a fabulous cream jacket at the airport prior to our honeymoom, and he wears it with a casual shirt from Boden or perhaps a vneck sweater, with either smartish jeans, or chino-ish trousers, and always looks rather handsome. I don't think I've ever seen him in tracsuit bottoms. He wears combats and a t-shirt only for gardening.

not "quite" the look i had in mind!

more chinos and a shirt which doesn't need a jacket.

MrB isn't too keen on dressing smart. He is a manual worker so is dressed a bit scruffy for work. He wears jogging bottoms in the house but wont go further than the corner shop in them. He prefers to wear jeans and if he needs to dress 'smart' then he wears black jeans. He winges if he has to wear a suit to a wedding but will do it under duress. On our wedding day he changed in the evening to jeans and t shirt as he said he isnt comfortable in suits.

Sportswear in non sports situations is a no-no for me, and when he wears the checked shorts with striped shirt and trilby i often try and walk a bit away from him so people might think he's my brother rather than a choice ? but in general he looks good (well great) whatever he wears. even though he's usually wearing flip flops with any outfit [rotfl

he won't wear a suit or tie unless he absolutely has to and on an evening out just the 2 of i'd never dictate what he wanted to wear (unless it was the short/shirt/trilby combo)

Mr JK is a proper scruffy oik, in a floppy-haired posh boy kind of way. Shambolic in fact, à la HFW (swoon). I usually leave him to it, though I have stopped him at the door and demanded to know why he's wearing a creased shirt off the ironing pile and not the pressed one I left out for him.....

He wears suits I have bought him, and chinos and shirts I've bought him too. He's an eminently practical dresser - first thing off the pile, first thing off the pile plus a fleece if it's chilly. Fashion passes him by entirely. His Mum bought him an Alexander McQueen skulls woollen scarf last Christmas. What was she thinking? ?

That said, Mr JK would no more go out in sportswear than he would go out naked. He doesn't own any combats, and his one pair of shorts are worn at my Mum's house only, in Crete.

H takes great care when we go out- he does the stubbly look on his face, but not messily so.. Say we're going out for a nice meal, he'll trim the facial hair (to be honest I don't really fancy him as much without the facial hair! ?)

As for his clothes, it's always jeans and a shirt with smart shoes if we're out. However, he enjoys slobbing around, too. Like, at home, as soon as he's in from work, WHOOSH! on goes the PJs/boxers and t shirt. And that is how he remains until the next morning!

Sorry, but that's just made my evening! ?

Legless ? at the Trilby. H has one somewhere but he denies wearing it in public ?

He's more stylish than me and would be even more so if he could find clothes that actually fit him outside of the Gap - other than his kilt and the odd suit that is.

To add I'd not be going for an anniversary meal with my H in track suit bottoms - I'd be very embarassed.

No-one has any business being out in tracksuit bottoms or any other kind of sportswear unless they've actually been playing sport. Certainly not out to a restaurant, good grief!

Just to give a good picture of the smartness bell curve, my H has three levels of attire:

Casual - smart trousers, shirt, sports jacket

Smart casual/work clothes - smart trousers, shirt, blazer

Smart (e.g. conference, work meeting, out to an upmarket restaurant) - suit or normal work ensemble plus tie

He doesn't own jeans, trainers, t-shirts, jogging bottoms etc., and I don't think he would know what cargo pants were ? He owns precisely one pair of shoes.

I think my H is an extreme case, although he always looks good and is never in any danger of being underdressed anywhere ?.

In many ways I think it must be a bit tricky for men, they have far fewer options on the smart-casual front than women. What is there really between jeans and a t-shirt and a shirt and smart trousers? Ditto for footwear - there are smartish sandals for women but not really for men, so again there's little between proper smart shoes and flip flops/walking sandals/trainers, none of which one would really wear to a restaurant.

I think it's pretty OTT to go down the 'if he won't dress up, he doesn't care about you' road - it sounds as if this is an issue on it's own, and not a symptom that you think he doesn't care about you! ? I personally love to be comfortable and am always in PJs at home, and just can't be bothered with heels etc. However, i am always pretty well turned out...basic make up, blow dried hair, clean and tidy.

However, i agree with the poster who says that wearing sportswear despite not having just played sports is not *really* on...especially to a restaurant. Would jeans really be too much of a stretch? I think it would be a good idea to get him some smart casual clothes that he's happy in and that you're happy for him to wear. I imagine this issue must arise at other times too? For example, what would he wear if you went out with friends to a nice bar or restaurant? Or if he went out with his family?

But have a lovely time - an anniversary is about a great deal more than the outfits you are wearing!

I would never dream of going to a restaurant in scruffy attire.

It would rally infuriate me. I'd probably suggest that I drop him off at a fast food place on my way to the nice restaurant. I really do think it's just laziness.

I think I agree with CBH in a way - if I noticed early on that I was dating someone incapable of dressing in anything other than shorts or tracksuits, because they were comfortable, I don't think I would stick around. I'd think there was something wrong with them. It goes beyond being scruffy. He's not 5.

I would never have this problem with SB, he naturally prefers to look smarter (he doesn't own any sports kit other than his shorts and t-shirts that he trains in) but I would find it frustrating as it does display a lack of effort. It's only one night and it's about doing what is socially acceptable as much as for you alone - I can't think of anyone that I know who would go to a restaurant in tracksuit bottoms, etc.