So stressed

Hi Louise

I can see why you are fed up! Not sure what advice I can offer, but my instant reaction is to not give in to her. Can she be seated apart from her mum, even if still on the same table?

Are they nearby? What is your relationship like with her? Is it possible you can pop and see her and speak to her about it? Explain to her that it means a lot for her to be your bridesmaid, and that it is an honour to be asked, and quite hurtful for her to be acting this way, let alone the money you have spent! Failing that, can your hubby to be have a word as it is his niece? It is likely she is having a hormonal moment, and will probably calm down between now and the wedding, but it certainly isn't going to help the stress levels.

I hope you get it sorted hun xx

What should you do? Absolutely nothing.

Tell her the table plan is sorted and there's nothing you can do about it. Then stop thinking about it.

I think you have to remind her she is 12 and she will do as she is told!... she sounds like a brat! ( Sorry) x

Hey, this does sound super tricky - not surprised you're feeling stressed!

You said that it's the third time she has done this - what happened the previous times? Did her mum get involved and was it helpful? What changed things? Does she want to feel listened to (maybe she had a spat with mum and wants to show she's upset)? It's difficult to know what to do without knowing her rel. with her mum - maybe mum needs to help sort this out - but maybe this could make it worse ?

Maybe there is someone in the family she gets on well with - you could have a word and ask them to support her a bit on the day and tell her she can count on x if her mum is difficult. You could also *remind* her that her role is very important and although you understand it's hard for her - you need her help - she might come around.

Most (all?!) of us have complicated families - and if she really does insist on not doing it - try not to let it overshadow everything else (easier said than done I'm sure!).

Good luck x

Tell her to lump it and then forget about it. 12 years old?!? Seems like she needs reminding of this.

Jeez last thing you need with 5 weeks to go, little delight.

The 12 year old is pushing the boundaries to test her mother. Have you spoken to the mum about it? What is her take on it all? If she is still kicking off I would just say "okay, don't be one then" and you can guarantee her attitude will change! Have you explained to her how much trouble she is causing? Obviously keep the mum in on this, sometimes kids just need to know they can't have it their own way. I totally get that she is a 12 year old child, so there needs to be some sensitivity but she is also being a brat. What is going on between her and her mum is not your problem and should not have an effect on your day. I suspect it is probably a bit of attention seeking and by constantly pandering to her, you are actually making it worse. You need to speak with her mum ad decide a little plan on dealing with it. Of course you want her to be a bm, etc, and you can pretty much guarantee that the child wants to be one too, so you just have to be the adults and not let her dictate your day.

Hello,

Sorry you are having these issues,

I think if you look at it from the point that you have already spent the money whether she is a BM or not and it seems like keeping her BM is causing you undue stress, then I would tell her that the decision is final and she is no longer a BM , I would then tell her that she can come to the wedding or not and sit where she is put, if she doesn't turn up then you will have a space ( i know paid for but if you can let this go to decrease your stress) but at least you can just leave your table plan etc.

so over all I would say cut her free and get rid off the stress as your sanity is worth more than the money you have already spent plus you don't want to spend more changing things for her.

Could you sell some of the items you have bought for her to recoup the cost as they ould be new not used ?

hope it works out for you

Hayley x

If she has text you 3 times already to tell you that she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore, than say "Well I am sorry to hear that, hope you can still come to the wedding" and leave it at that.

The girl needs a lesson in how to behave. At twelve she's old enough to know that throwing all her toys out the pram comes with consequences.

What? She doesn't want to be on the same table as your other BM (Her mother) because she will kick off???!

Have you spoken to her mother about this?? xxx

Can always try reverse psychology! You could always message back, explaining you are sorry this is the way she feels but the table plan which has been set and paid already can't be changed, and you can't think of another place for her to stay without disturbing other guests. Explain that her presence is really important, but that if she feels she can't go because of this you will understand, but you'd miss her.

Tell her you like her and want her there, even if chooses not to speak with her mum and ignore her mum all she wants, but that this is your day and you feel sad she feels like this, tell her to put herself on your shoes and how would she feel if someone she liked was threatening not to go and spoil the day?

Sometimes, treating them as adults, is better than treating them as kids, and they might give you an adult reaction, suprising everyone. Try to be her partner, not a prey of her actions or a predator imposing what you want. You might get great results with it.

You won't even have to interfere on the mumxdaughter relationship.

What about trying to have a face to face with both of them? Maybe lunch or coffee somewhere public where a scene is usually avoidable?

Good luck, hope is all sorted out!

Yep - definitely get them together and get this sorted and then you can concentrate and start enjoying yourself and the rest of the planning! xxx

Thanks everyone im so glad you all agreed with how unacceptable she was being, i have completely took a step back and not given her a second thought, shes an attention seeker so wasnt going to pander to her needs. my htb phoned her last night an asked if she still wants to be bridesmaid, she does. she has been given a warning that if she starts again she isnt invited to the day at all, also if she creates any problems on the day she will put in a taxi and sent to her dads house immediatly. what annoys me the most about all this is we have two children 4yrs and 2yrs and im more concerned with her behaviour rather than my own babies grrrrrrrrrrr oh well 30 days to go!!!! i will finally be married to the man i love

once again thanks everyone your opinions genuinly helped xxx

So glad you got it sorted. Don't allow ANYONE to get you stressed, especially not a child. Now you can be excited for your wedding, very close now!

Good on your HTB!

So glad you got this sorted was thinking about you over the weekend and wondering how you were. Enjoy the rest of your planning & wish you a lovely wedding day if you don't post before then x