So upset :-(

Honestly, i think i would feel exactly the same as you do! I don't think you're out of order to be angry or upset. i assume you have other firens in common which would put them in an awkward position cost wise. Would she then go straight on honeymoon and miss your day? What about hen dos? you'd be very close together timewise and many people wouldn't want to do two? i really feel for you.

Has she given you any reason for why they've chosen the date? Will it be their first anniversary?

Has she realised its so close to yours?

Have you tried talking to her to explan why your hurt?

Four month does seem very quick? were they friends before? Looking at the downside, wedding stress on top a new relationship might mean her's never actually happens at all...

In my honest opinion, I think you are overreacting and being selfish.

If this woman is your best friend of 25 years, surely you should be celebrating the fact that she is getting married and not getting yourself upset that it's two days before yours. It's not as though she's booked it for the same day as yours!

Think of the positives that can be gained from getting married so closely together - you and your best friend can go through the motions together. The stress, the disappointments, the excitement - what could be better than sharing in this alongside your best friend of 25 years.

I think in an ideal world, you would be happy for your friend and be glad that her short relationship is so amazing that it has made her want to get married. However, I dont think things always work like that and yes, I'd be a bit miffed by it. It seems to me a little strange that she would set a date, 2 days before you, to get married. Why not 2 days after??

Maybe she thinks that being close together you will be able to share it all together, but I think she might have mentioned it to you in advance. Not that she has to ask your permission, but it would have been polite to see how you felt about it. Is it possible that she may be a little jealous of you getting married and moving on and fee that she is losing her "best friend" and therefore she feels that she needs to follow in your steps - just a thought.

As PP has mentioned, I'm sure you share a lot of friends which although may still make both weddings, may not really be in the mood for another wedding 2 days after hers. I think you need to have a conversation with her, either way, I think it will affect your friendship, if you bring it up, she might not be happy and if you don't you will forever be resentful.

Glad I'm not in your position but all the best and i hope it works out for you!

I'm sorry but who books their wedding 2 days before their best friends to a guy they've only known for 4 months, I'd be fuming! I take it she has no specific reason to book it then?

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. A best friend wouldn't book their wedding two days before yours. That sounds like she is trying to steal your thunder. Is she jealous you are getting married?

Like someone else has said - why not 2 days AFTER your wedding. I think SHE is one being selfish and inconsiderate. Not only will you have issues re friends attending two weddings close together, is she even going to be able to attend your wedding 2 days after her own? Many couples take a few days after the wedding off even if they aren't having an immediate honeymoon.

Given all the dates available to her unless there are mitigating circumstances for choosing that date she is out of order.

Are you even going to be able to attend her wedding two days before your own? If you want each other as bridesmaids then I take it that's not going to be possible anymore.

I do feel for you, but have to say that your comments about her relationship aren't very nice. She's just as entitled as you are to get married no matter how long she's known her OH. There may be a reason for the rush (e.g. sick parent, work commitments etc)?

Are you upset because she may not be able to attend? Speak to her and tell her. She can probably book her honeymoon for after your wedding.

Otherwise I wouldn't worry about this. Your friends are still going to come whether she gets married 2 days before or not.

Don't risk a good friendship over this! Your wedding day is only one day. It'd be a shame to lose her friendship over that one day don't you think?

I think that is out of order! Unless it is a date she would have done anyway (deceased relatives birthday for example) then I would be maknig my disgrntled feelings known! I'd be saying unfortunately I wouldn't be able to attend so close to mine and, if she was my BM, I'd be asking her why she is going to purposefully put so much pressure on the pair of us by having it so close?

One of my good friends, a BM, has been seeing her chap for 12 weeks, They have just booked a cottage for NYE and already mentioning a possible proposal......!!! However, I 'd like to think she would not do it even months before my wedding let alone days... i dont think she would. If she DID/DOES, I'd be questioning the friendship. I certainly wouldnt do that roles reversed.

Thank you all so much for your replies, I take on board what you have all said.

I should say that yes there are time constraints here, basically her sister (who is also a very close friend of mine) and husband are coming back from Oz for the month of July and this was one of the main reasons we chose to "do the deed" when we are (that and the fact my partner is a teacher so it has to be in school holidays). So I can understand why she wants to marry in July but WHY 2 days before mine? She has already said that the church she wants is free for the whole of July.

I have also got family and friends who are travelling distance for my wedding and therefore I'd like to spend some time with them before the big day however if we were to attend her wedding it would mean an overnight stay which would then pretty much wipe out all of the day before our wedding for last minute bits! Luckily we don't share many of the same friends (that are going to the wedding) so I can't see that being a problem. My hubby to be is fuming and has said he won't be attending her wedding if she books it 2 days before ours.

I did text back saying how I felt and she's replied that I'm being unreasonable. I really don't want to fall out over this.

I know im having a total bridezilla moment here (something I've always said will never happen) but I just feel like she is trying to upstage me :-(

In that case i can see why she wants it while her sister is here, but as you say July is 4/5 weeks where she could have chosen to have it. Its a tough one i really feel for you!

Maybe the venue only has capacity on that date? it's a really busy month and if it needs to be during school holidays that doesn't help. or her sister may be travelling around visiting people? I totally understand that this is upsetting for you, but she seems to have a reason for this.

I'd be honest with her and explain that you are worried that you won't have time to attend her big day and this is upsetting for you.

I'm sure you can work around this and keep your friendship intact. I know it's a bit of a shock but once you've adjusted you'll work out how everyone can be accommodated. First step is to have a conversation on the phone/in person! texting someone when you're angry doesn't help. Call her and speak to her!

it would be such a shame to lose a friend over this.

That's what I was thinking. We had only been together 6 months when we got engaged. And there was no reason for a rush, we just both knew it was right!

I really feel for you - must be difficult to understand. I do get that she is time constrained somewhat but I think if I were in her shoes I would have at least spoken to you to see how you felt (even if it was just to soften the blow - not to influence my decision). Do you really think she would do this to upset yo on purpose though?

It is understandable how you feel although I think maybe once you are more used to the idea you may feel a bit less awful about it? Once the shock has worn off you may find that technically speaking, you are having totally different weddings and so planning weddings at the same time will be fun rather than feel like she is stealing your limelight.

My friend is getting married next year (I am the year after) but so far we have had great fun going to wedding shows, sending each other things on pinterest and swapping wedding mags. Plus we can talk about it all we want without annoying others who may not want to discuss centre pieces all afternoon. But our weddings are totally different (hers in a marquee with a relaxed festival type feel and mine in Italy with a shindig in the UK afterwards) so there have been no issues on my part (hopefully she would agree).

Def agree with the other poster who suggested talking to her in person. Make sure she knows that part of the reason you are upset is that she is your best friend and you wouldn't want to miss her wedding for the world - or not be able to be there for her as you are too busy with your own plans. She needs to know that stealing your thunder (or the fact that you don't think she has been with her partner long enough to get married) isn't the only reason why you are upset. You have to be honest with her and talk it through or you wont resolve it and you will ending up losing your friendship (which I am sure neither of you want).

Hope you manage to sort things out

xx

/\ My thoughts exactly!!

I dont think your out of order... normally I would be like 'grow the *** up' when somebody moans their friend/sister etc.. has booked a date before them but 2 days is ridiculous even if its just for the sake of guests it should be at least 2 weeks as I know we couldn't make it to 2 in 2/3 days

are either of you having the weekend?

Saturday/Sunday are easier for most to attend are more likely to be the 'popular' wedding if people are only attending 1

why dont you tell her why its so bad for you

* you might not be able to go

* guest will have to choose

* she might not make it to yours

etc... so she knows WHY you are upset, you can ask her why she chose that date when her church is free all month and if she could have it the week before or after

I agree with Halloweeny - you need to speak to her personally about this. Texts are not great for conveying this kind of message. It also doesn't matter how long she has been with her guy - but I can see your point that when you booked your venue they had probably only just met let alone were thinking about marriage. There is definitely a sense of her trying to upstage you. If she didn't' think it was a problem she would have booked hers for AFTER yours, but clearly she doesn't want her wedding falling after yours.

Realistically if there was any big event now happening just 2 days before my wedding I would be unlikely to be able to go to it. I have a gazzilion things to do in the run up to my wedding (hair appts, manicure/ pedicure/spray tan/eyelashes and picking things up from everywhere (eg the cake)).

Maybe you could try the angle that you want to relax and enjoy her wedding but if its two days before yours, even if you do attend (which may be unlikely from time constraints), there is no way you will be able to relax and enjoy it as you have so much to do. If she refuses then suggest that you move yours to a few days in front of hers so you can attend hers free from worry (even if you don't intend to do this) it would be interesting to see how she would react to that. It might give a clue to the real reasoning behind her booking the wedding just before yours.

Thank you all again for your replies.

I know we will have to have the conversation face to face sometime but I was so upset earlier I couldn't bare talking to her. I rang my mum straight after her text and was in tears down the phone to her so I don't think I'd hold it together speaking with my friend.

My biggest problem with it being so close to mine is the fact, like a few have pointed out, I will have so much to do in the run up to our wedding, this will completely put a spanner in the works! I fully appreciate why she wants to get married in July and I would never begrudge her that but even a week before ours would give us that little bit of breathing room. I don't want to feel stressed at her wedding knowing I've got so much I should be doing for ours!

I guess i need need a couple of days to just calm down then hopefully we can have that conversation. She hasn't even booked it yet so I'm hoping she'll have a good think about what I've said and choose (what I believe) a more appropriate date.

I can definitely understand where you're coming from. I was in a similar situation as you. Me and a close friend are getting married next summer, I'm getting married on the 5th June and my friend is getting married on the 17th July so there's just almost six weeks between us. She got engaged before me so she set her date first. I checked with her first if she minded at all that I was thinking of the 5th June and explained that I've always wanted to get married before my 30s but it hasn't worked out that way. My wedding will fall exactly on my 30th birthday so that date is very special to me. She totally understood and told me to go ahead with it so I booked that date. I would have changed it if she had a problem with it. Not only is she an understanding friend, she's even so kind as to make sure her hen do takes place for when I'm back from my honeymoon. We're each other's bridesmaids as well. There is no way I wanted to steal her thunder and I would never book my wedding two days befire hers...

Fair enough your friend only has the month of July to get married but as others have said, she could have chosen a date after your wedding or a few weeks apart. She should have checked with you first!!! I would be very pissed off as well. You will have so much to do before your big day, she hasn't even taken that into consideration. Do you think you will go to her wedding? Good luck!

I'd be upset too, she must know how much this means to you.

why couldnt she wait 1-2 weeks before her wedding.

were you planning to both be bridesmaids for each other.

seems strange that she would do that since your best friends.

they have only been together 4 months...whats the rush?

I think when you have the conversation with her, you need to make it clear that you're upset because you'll have so much to do before your own wedding that you almost definitely won't be able to get to hers if it's so close, and she'll be off on honeymoon when you really wanted her to attend your wedding.

Obviously, you may be raging like a green-eyed monster inside, but look at it tactically. If she hasn't booked anything yet, and you can appeal to her sense of reason and sentiment, you might be able to work this out without it all exploding. On the other hand, if it's obvious that you think she's stealing your thunder, or if she thinks you're looking down on her because she's got engaged so quickly, she could well get hacked off and decide to book everything that close to your wedding out of spite - which you might both regret.

What? It's like she is trying to get one up on you, I would be mad too!x

I don't understand this big hoo haa about how long people have been together!! It's no ones business except there own as to when they get married. Me and OH have done our wedding quite quick due to the fact we want to be married before we try for a baby and due to the fact we will both be nearly 34 by the time we get married it's been quicker than "other people" expect!

yes it's 2 days before yours but like u said she has family over at that time. U don't share the same friends so they won't be torn over which wedding to attend and at least she won't steal any of your ideas and do them after!!

I personally think it's no big deal but thats just my opinion!!

Xx

My best friend got engaged a month before me, but we ended up bringing our wedding forward so we got married before them. I phoned her and made sure she was ok with that, even though they're 3 months apart, completely different weddings with a totally different guest list!

Having just got married,I can safely say there is no chance I could have gone to a wedding 2 days before or after our own, especially as a bridesmaid! There is just too much to do. I would definitely tell her that (nicely) as it would just be unfair on you both

Completely understand why you would feel like that, I would go mental!

I would speak to my friend first and check how they felt ... I think there are ways of handling things and she hasnt handled it in a very good way at all.

I think if you speak to her and explain all the above comments hopefully she will see sense! *HUgs*