So upset! Am I in the wrong??? HELP

Thank you for all of your comments and advice.the hairstyle that we changed to is the hairstyle she arged with me to have in the first place. I can't post pics on here from my ipad but the hairstyles are both updo sand very similar. I Gave her the choice of the bridesmaids dresses. My friend who is the bridesmaid has just been so laid back from the beginning. My SIL has been a nightmare about a lot of things since planning this wedding. If she had come up to me and said aw can we come to some compromise we could have chatted about it however I am disgusted in her attitude and behaviour and I can be stubborn! She's had the choice of BM dresses for both, hair accessories for both, shoes for both, flowers for both. I can't really see the harm in me having a choice in their hair. It's not a hairstyle that would make her feel uncomfortable as from the front they look exactly the same but the back looks like how I'm having mine hence the other reason I'm having theirs slightly different.

yes they are family and I don't want to argue but I do feel as though I've been walked all over during this planning period and it's because I'm standing my ground that they don't like it.

The difficulty is, in my view, you're standing your ground over something which is realistically of so little consequence, and that's making you appear petty. You'll see things like dresses, flowers and possibly shoes in the photographs so if you were standing your ground over them, I think you'd have more understanding responses, because actually they are pretty major components. But who is going to be paying attention to the back of the bridesmaids' hair?!

Her behaviour has been revolting, and in your position I would be going bananas, but in my opinion this is not something worth falling out over. For you, if you've had other issues, it might be the straw that's broken the camel's back - but if you want a relationship with your future husband's family it seems that you're going to have to be the bigger person.

I wouldn't back down at all, I am really stubborn though!

And if she is going to stand there with a face on her all day then she doesn't deserve to be your bridesmaid. There are ways to discuss this and throwing a full blown tantrum is just making her look bad. I'd dress up in a bin bag if my friend wanted me to for her wedding. I know she's not your friend as such but she should be doing all she can to help you.

Completely agree with this.

What SunnyPinkConfetti310 said! 100%

Me too - please don't put one day over the rest of your life.

I do agree with what the other have said BUT she needs to realise her behavour is out of order and not treat you like that. This is over something quite petty so what's to stop her behaving like this over something else in the future? Are you just supposed to put up with it for the rest of your life? I'd give in about the hair but I'd be expecting an apology or at least to have a civilised chat about it.

I guess I must just be really lucky that all my friends and family feel the same as me. I have been a BM before and I really don't mind what I wear, how my hair and make up is done as long as it makes the bride happy. Good luck x

Just throwing my 2 pence in - I agree with pink sunny confetti 100%.

You need to pick your battles and decide which ones are worth winning.

Yes her behaviour has been appalling and she needs to know that isn't OK but behaviour aside is it something that will have a massive impact on the majority of your day and you have said the styles are fairly similar

My BM has thick long hair down to her arse, I asked her to wear it up ( more for her own comfort as we're getting married on in a hot country) but her hair is too heavy to put up and she doesn't want to cut it. I'm not going to push it because it's her hair and her comfort.

Honestly, I don't put up with bull from my family, so I don't put up with bull from my husband's family. The thing is - this isn't about hair. This is about control.

I'd stand my ground if my partner supported me. However, I do not give two hoots if my in-laws don't like me.

What does your partner say about this?

Really? Over hair? This is such an insignificant detail that its not worth getting in a tiff over! No one will look at their hair and comment that it doesn't match! Your bridesmaids do need to feel comfortable in how they look or it'll show on the day. You shouldn't stress about this!

I'm sorry but I have to say I think it all sounds very petty on both parts. Her behaviour has been unacaaeptable and you are owed an apology but at the same time I think it is very bridezilla to say you MUST have your hair like this. I dont understand why people feel like bridesmaids all need to look exactly the same? I have honestly never been to a wedding and thought oh my god those bridesmaids have got different hairstyles. Remember your bridesmaids are people and need to look and feel happy as well they are not just accessories.

We haven't had our trials yet but I have already told my bridesmaid to have what they want, its just not something that needs to be stressed about, there are much bigger things to worry about.

Are you really going to look back at your wedding pictures in 20 years and the first thing you look at whether your bridesmaids had the same hair?

I dont think you are in the wrong by getting upset, she's acted very childishly... she could just try and explain to you that she doesn't want her her in such a style. Not to be so defensive and get so angry about it.

But I do think the bridesmaids should at least be allowed their own style of hair... as people have said, some ladies may not feel comfortable in certain styles.

She's acting like a child at the age of 37, and could have handled the situation a bit differently, but as long as she looks fab, let her do it her way.

Dont let this ruin your day. A girl I know screamed bloody murder on her wedding day because her bridesmaid had her loose bun on the wrong side of her head and proceeded to say how such a thing had ruined her wedding!!!

You will all look beautiful in the end irrespective of hair styles x