so upset right now

Awww how devastating for you. Nothing I can really say to help but maybe there is something you can do incorporate her in your day? Is webcame/skype or anything an option? X

From a wife to be of a RAF man I can completely sympathise with how are you feeling, when my h2b went to the falklands he missed lots of special birthdays n anniversary etc.

I agree with the others a skype link could be the way forward, the internet out there is improving every day - it got better by the time h2b was at the end of the detachment so ive got my fingers crossed for you

I feel awful just thinking bout going ahead with it, becasue E will miss so much more than just my wedding, but that alone is a killer, her daughter is my flowergirl.....how can i still have her knowing her mummy will miss seeing her (even if we do set up webcams etc they can fail and its not the same)

E knew when she signed up, and is more than accepting of her role, my granddaughter was not a planned pregnancy but is a very much loved and wanted little girl, it has put a totally different spin on E's worklife, but she takes it all in her step, until this, its breaking her heart, and so in turn (even without my wedding) is breaking mine

Not sure what i can do to make things better for her, as a mum its my job to protect her from things that upset her

November Bride I am so sorry to read your news, I really hope everything works out for you and the date she has to leave does get changed! My fingers are crossed for you xxx

I'm ex RAF, and can only suggest that your daughter ask to be put onto standby. I don't know if this is still possible, but I ended up going to the Falklands about 8 months earlier than I was supposed to because someone became ill.

It's probably worth her asking at least (if this fits into her circumstances of course), the worst they can do is say 'no' after all.

HTH...

Laura x

Aww what a shame I cant imagine how tough it will be for you both

This is so sad for you all right now ☹️... I'll keep my fingers crossed that some miracle happens in your favour as I'm sure all the other hitchers will as well...

I don't really know what to say but just know that we'll all be here for you to support you through it xx

Oh you poor thing, how awful I really hope your daughter manages to sort something out.

Unfortunately that is part of being in the RAF - it can have a huge impact on your whole family, not just you. My husband to be is going to be going out to Afghanistan for definitely 4 & probably 6 months within a few weeks of our wedding in September. He will miss our baby's 2nd Christmas, 2nd birthday & his own birthday. It sucks but if the powers that be say you are going there is very little you can do about it. Fingers crossed they will change their minds & your daughter will get sent earlier/later in the year. I can really sympathise with you! (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry to hear this, what horrid news.

Obviously I don't know your daughters circumstances, and what measures she may already have taken to try and work it out for you all. But I thought I'd just suggest a couple of things she may be able to do, just in case she hasn't already tried.

You say that she has spoken to people higher up, but I'm not sure if this is maybe just her own boss and chain of command. One thing she could try is speaking to her chief clerk, and explain the situation to him. The chief clerk is in charge of welfare, and this is definatley a welfare issue. He/she also has access to speak to the drafters (the bods who deal with sending people away) and maybe see if something can be done to defer her date or maybe bring it forward. Maybe a swap around can be done with the person who is going before her or maybe after her. I've known of several people that have done this. Who knows, the person going after her may be in a similar situation and be in a poaition where a swap would suit them.

I really hope it can be sorted for you though, it's so hard for everyone when things like this happen. The RAF isn't always totally rigid though, if something can be changed, they may be willing to do so. You never know, all may not be lost. I have my fingers crossed xx

Thank you.

If she went 4m earlier she wouldn't miss anything, if she went 4m later she wouldnt miss anything, by anything i mean birthdays or anniversary of any significance or importance to her. The 3most important people are her, her partner and their daughter, and she will miss all birthdays, as well as wedding if they cant change her dates.

I am not asking for her not to go (although i would be majorly over moon if she didnt go) i accept it is part of her role, as does she, its just she has been in the RAF for 6yrs and this is the first time she has been posted ANYWHERE - on that score we know she is lucky. Her partner moves to start a new posting tomorrow which means they will be living apart mon-fri and she is a part time single mum in effect, so i am not sure how the post to Falklands will affect them childcarewise as her partner will be living in barracks and she will be living in their house 150miles away form Lilys childminder

She is lucky for this to be her first, I've been away twice in seven years. But that doesn't make it any easier for you all to come to terms with her missing such significant events. Missing birthdays and Christmas are unfortunatley part and parcel of forces life but missing your mum's wedding is a different matter. That response she had from who ever she spoke to did sound unnecesarily harsh to be honest, yes the military does come first but there is usually something that can be done unless your daughter is in such a job which makes it hard for things to be changed. What trade is she?

All the stuff you mentioned about her daughter and her partner would all give extra weight to her situation. Definatly get her to speak to someone who would be sympathetic to her situation. Its not as if she is asking not go at all. xx

I have no advice to offer - though Laura sounds like she has her head screwed on right ?

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear this situation you are in! I hope something can be figured out xx

She is a steward, and was told unless the position closes she WOULD be going.

Right now it is still very raw for her and me to discuss it without tears, maybe in few days we can talk calmly, and maybe then i will know a bit mroe other than she is going 5th September end of

I have my fingers crossed for you xx

Aw, I read this yesterday but was on my phone and unable to reply.

As the other women have said, it's a horrible situation to be in and I totally feel your pain.

My H2b missed our first Xmas, his nephews 1st Bday, sisters birthday, our 1st Xmas together and also his nephews first Xmas, as well as our 1st valentines day and his moms birthday and his own. It was one horrible awful 6 months. He is also on track to go back just after the wedding, missing Xmas and Valentines day again in 2012 and rather guttingly, his 21st birthday!!

I don't think of it, bury my head in the sand and take each day as it comes. As the other have said there is a good internet facility available, but i'm not for a second going to pretend I expect that to make up for it. I hope her boss takes some compassion and grants leave if nothing else for your wedding.