So utterly utterly completely fecked off about my weight....

I couldn't read and run but I don't really have any advice, I just really feel for you, you sound so fed up ?

I know its crap feeling rubbish about yourself physically, but it is *only* physical, its not what makes you YOU. Two stone here or there doesn't make you a better or worse person. You are a great person regardless. Please don't beat yourself up about it ?

Ahh bless you thank you Fimble.

I don't know what I expect anyone to be able to say exactly, I'm just venting I guess.

The thing is I have a really good life apart from this one issue and I just seem to be powerless to do anything about it.

Awwwww massive hugs to you. I'm not an expert in weight loss at all, but I think that it's something you're using to beat yourself up with, rather than being solely about the weight itself. I do it too, and have massive internal debates along the lines of 'if only I could manage 1,2,3; then I'd be good at/enjoy/be happier even more.' But even if I achieved 1,2,3 I'd probably just find 4,5,6 as the next stick to beat myself with. Does that make sense? I'm waffly

I don't really know what to suggest about the weight itself though. I think you probably need to separate it out (easier said than done) from all the emotional things you've tied it up with.

In terms of exercise, have you ever had a session with a personal trainer? It sounds like you're spending the time exercising, but maybe it could be used more efficiently for you? A lady at my (former) gym had problems with her cholesterol and heart, and managed to lose a fair bit of weight with the right advice, whereas she'd struggled alone. How about an exercise-based target as motivation, such as a 5k run or 10k run? Get sponsored for charity, and then you'll have a positive motivator

Big hugs to you. It's horrid to be in that negative thought cycle, but you can do it. And if not? As an above poster said, does a couple of pounds here or there make you less of a beautiful person? It doesn't ?

?

I have around two stone to lose also. It is so difficult, well it is for me as I hate dieting and restricting myself in any way. I'm fortunate, I don't have any health problems. To try to lose weight while having an underactive thyroid must be doubly difficult.

Thing with me though is that while i'd love to fit into size 12 trousers again I genuinely don't want to diet. I've increased my exercise by cycling almost daily. I probably won't lose much weight but hopefully I won't put anymore on.

I know you have a very active job, so the chances are that you're healthy. Feeling so down about yourself for being a couple of stone over an 'ideal' is harming your self esteem and likely your mental health.

Plenty of people are healthy happy beautiful size 16+

I've just read this back and I can't help but feel that what i've writen sounds patronising. I honestly don't mean it to HB. I just don't know how else to put it. ?

Thank you Flissy666. Not waffley at all I know what you mean. I'm not saying everything would be perfect but it is the only major downer I have in my life and it seems like such an easy thing to amend which makes it all the more frustrating.

I used to have a trainer when I did go to the gym and she was very good but couldn't understand why I wasn't loosing more weight. They were going to do some fitness tests on me when I gave up going. I told myself I'd give it my best for 3 months and I did and was just fed up making the effort for pretty much zero results.

I can't run I'm afraid, I have crap legs due to a car accident a few years ago. To be honest I struggle doing the exercise I do do now, and last year I had to reduce the amount I was doing with work as it was getting too much for me. As it is now I walk anything from 2 - 4 hours a day. It doesn't help as like I say really hate 'structured' exercise in a gym/class etc but I have a horse so get a fair amount of exercise looking after her.

Thanks for the ?, I know what you mean but it just causes me so much misery. I'm not being unrealistic, I don't want to be a size zero or anything but just a 'normal' 12 I would settle for.

Sounds like we have a lot in common Hugo....Jensen Ackles and weight issues!

I know exactly what you mean. I could have written your post. I've spent 10 years waiting to be slim and beautiful, planning to lose weight for certain occasions and failing miserably because the pressure of that date is too much. In some ways, I hate the fact I've wasted 20's and the oppurtunity to wear clothes that could show off a good figure if I had one, even if I lose it all now I guess short skirts and boob tubes will be out.

I've just started a weight loss plan this Monday and I stuck really well to it for 4 days and have wobbled a bit for the last 2, but I'm determined to get back on it on Monday. I guess 5 days out of 7 will do some good.

I can't give any fantastic advice except I think now I haven't pressured myself to lose weight by a set date, e.g 30th birthday, summer, 31st birthday, summer etc , I may be able to stick to it better. I do understand where you are coming from though?

Thanks Maxi, not patronising at all. I know what you mean about restricting yourself, I guess if given a choice I'd rather do that (and do try to do that) than do more exercise.

I'm not very tall either so a couple of extra stone is even more noticable.

Thanks Sare. Mr Ackles was the hero I met the other week (the other being Mr Padalecki!!) and as I say I couldn't even manage to loose weight for meeting them!!

I try not to pressure myself but then again thats maybe where I go wrong as there's always next Monday to start again. Time is ticking and I just never seem to get anywhere. I really do wonder if its a mental thing and I need something drastic to fix it ie gastric band or something? I could just shake myself its such a waste all this fannying round loosing a pound here then putting two pounds back on etc.

Imo - you have to get to the right place in your head first - losing weight is incredibly easy - it may take some time - a lot of time depending on how much you have to lose - but doing it couldnt be easier really - it is very simple

getting to the right mind frame is much harder and no amount of pressure or upcoming events will get you to that place - for me it has taken hitting an absolute rock bottom and utter disgust at myself to get motivated - i was so unhappy with the person i was becoming that i felt the rest of my life was doomed

i dont know what to suggest really - but i absolutley know that an event in itself will not help - i couldnt even lose weight for my wedding, not for any holiday etc etc and the more cross i got the more i ate

i honestly dont know what the trigger is - but hope you find it x

Hi HB. It sounds like a lot of this comes with your relationship with food. I went to counselling for unrelated (to food) things last year, and we got on the subject of my relationship with food, considering I have been in the same loose a bit gain loads cycle for 4-5 years, and I started WW after this counselling, and have now lost 4 stone. I doubt very much I would have lost this if it wasn't for the counselling.

Do you turn to food when you are bored/stressed/upset?

Do you think your weight is due to eating too much/too much of the wrong sorts of food, or is it due to medical reasons? Sounds like a bit of an obvious question, but if you do think it's mostly the former, you might find 'Eating Less' by Gillian Riley worth a read, like I have.

I've put on and lost weight for years and years, and only ever dieted successfully once. Then I read this book, and it's really helped me turn a corner. It's about what she terms 'addictive overeating', and I've lost a stone since Easter just reading it and putting her theories into practice.

Having tried WW, low GI, Rosemary Conley and Atkins in my time, the above sounds too good to be true even to me, but I can honestly say it's changed my relationship with food.

? I don't want to harp on about myself but I think I can understand how you feel. I am so unhappy with my size (I am A LOT more than 2 stone overweight) but just struggle so much to get the motivation to do anything about it. And then when I decided I'd start running I have really hurt my knees and feet so am so down that even when I do try something it's thwarted. The only time in the past 10 years I've been happy with my body was the 2 occasions I've been pregnant as it's been OK to look fat then!

Thanks everyone. I'm not sure what I think the weight is down to. I suppose I do hand on heart think that for the amount of exercise I do, I don't warrent being this weight but I can also see that I will make a sandwich/bowl of cereal/noodles if I just fancy it. I've gone through spells of giving up drinking or giving up bread etc and it doesn't make any difference to me weight wise yet I know friends will tell me they'll give up XYZ as they want to slim into a dress/pair of trousers etc and they loose weight?! I think my metabolism must be none existant?

Thanks for the book tip. I have tried Paul Mcknenna and Allan Carr and they didn't work for me but I'm willing to give anything a go. Will check it out.

In my (ridiculous, yo-yo style weight loss) experience, exercise has been good for keeping my weight fairly stable, but not for losing very much. I think various personal trainer types would echo that it's so much more about the food you eat - both type and amount.

It sounds like I'm in a similar position to you in that my BMI was never high enough to warrant weight loss medication, but needed to lose two stone to get to a proper mid-range healthy BMI. For a while (and with varying degrees of success) in the past I've used www.weightlossresources.co.uk to track what I'm eating/get a suggested calorie allowance, and I found that to lose 2lbs a week, you don't get much leeway with food! That in itself wasn't enough to sort me out, but for some reason GK has struck a chord (I tried and failed with Paul McKenna too!).

Maybe the only area in the book that could be stronger is the info on nutrition/healthy eating. I can't remember off the top of my head how much detail there is, but if you need any guidance on that score, I'd take a look at a good GI or GL book so you know what you're eating is keeping you full as long as possible and is doing you good too. Best of luck with it...I hate(d?) my weight issues and my lack of motivation too, so I really hope this helps you as much as it has me.

Hugo ? I know EXACTLY how you feel and posted similar a week or so ago. I turned around and said to H 'I wish I didn't have an obsession with food and wasn't always thinking about it, I could just eat what I needed and leave it alone'. I'm eating my breakfast thinking about dinner and so on.

Anyway, I'm just in the process of reading Beyond Chocolate, it really makes you think and so much of it so far sounds like me and my dieting habits, starting on a monday and by friday its all gone downhill so I think, sod it i'll have a pig out and start again on Monday and so it continues. It doesn't change your way of thinking overnight but it does make you think about this endless cycle and this week i'm pleased to say i'm 5lb lighter than I was 2 weeks ago but have eaten everything i've wanted in between rather than eating salads every day and craving the things I can't have.

What i'm trying to say is buy it, read it and see if it helps ?

Thanks guys for your encouraging words! That's just like me Sunset. I'll have a search for your previous post as I must have missed that I'm afraid.

I've bougt that book Paula and Sunset I'm off to buy your book too!

HB, you have my sympathy. It's horrible feeling so unhappy with yourself. The only advice I can give is to really, honestly look at what you eat. I execise a lot and thought previously was "bigger than I should be" for that level of activity. However, I have now started calorie counting and keeping a food diary and it has really made me realise that quite simply I was eating way too much. Even having one "bad" day a week can mean you won't lose any weight (that's not to say don't have a break sometimes of course).

Another thing to keep in mind is that if you exercise a lot and have a lot of muscle, you might weigh more than what is considered in the healthy range. Currently, my BMI is towards the top end of overweight yet I am a size 12 top and a size 11 (annoying!) bottom. I read about people in magazines who are the same height and weight as me and they are size16. So, don't become obsessed with what you should weigh, go instead by how you feel and look.

Hugs to you ?

Massive hugs, HB. I know exactly how you feel, truly I do. I am now slowly losing weight on WeightWatchers- something I never, ever thought I would do- and cannot relay to you enough the exhilaration (and relief) that finally something is working. I have a couple of tips if they are of any help at all:

1. I don't have a goal. No goal weight, no special occasion to slim for, just a want to be slimmer than I am now. I don't do well under pressure and would probably gain a stone or 2 or starve myself to reach a goal if I set one, so I don't.

2. I go to weigh ins. Nobody knew how much I weighed ever, until my first WW class. It petrified me to get on those scales but, good week or bad, I do it. If I lose, excellent, let's carry on. If I gain, I sulk for a bit and then tell myself off and start afresh the next day. Thus far it has worked.

3. I didn't buy things I didn't want to eat. It's not so bad now, but a few weeks ago, I was hunting down crisps and savory snacks of an evening, so for a few shopping tips, I left them out of the trolley. I can now buy them and not trough them down- I seem to have retrained both my brain and my body to get out of the snacking routine I was in.

4. Portion size, portion size, portion size. I was eating the same amount as my husband plus snacks and puddings. Just eating a more reasonable sized portion made a difference- and I now have a Muller light yoghurt most times I fancy a pudding, with the odd cheesecake when I feel like it.

5. Buddy up. I met a friend at WW and we motivate each other. I am probably not in your area, but I will be happy to meet up on board and compare notes every week if you like?

6. Exercise I can't help much with, I am afraid. I run and cycle, but i see you can't run. i do find that the best for me, as I too hate scheduled exercise, but I reckon your walking and horse-looking-after will help to maintain any weight loss you find comes about.

7. Keep a detailed food diary- write everything (and I mean eveything- even that cheeky glass of wine and the 1 chocolate biscuit) you eat and drink in it. There you can see where you went right on weeks you lose weight or wrong on weeks where you don't.

8. don't give up.

You sound utterly miserable, you poor thing. If you've been with a PT, then its worth asuming your workouts were effective so it must be your food intake.

I think its worth remembering exercise does not allow you to eat that much extra food (a woman running 4 times a week and covering 45miles a week only needs an extra 300 calories on running days) of course if you are trying to lose weight, exercise doesn't alow you to eat any extra food.

People say "I eat normally" or "I eat healthily" but how many of us know what that means? How many people can honestly compare their diet to someone elses? I have quite a large number of friends who would fib if asked what they eat each day. so how do you know whats normal?

If your food is ok, (you're going to hate this) I have to ask, are you really overweight? I know you weigh 2 stone more than you used to, but if you are stil a healthy weight, it may be your body saying at this time in your life this is what it likes.

I can really sympathise. I too have an underactive thyroid and it has made losing weight so much harder. I'd done WW on and off for nearly a year and actually gained weight. My doctor did tests and said my thyroid was fine, but I knew it wasn't.

I started to take the pill last thing, right before I went to bed (the theory is that food interferes with it). The difference in how I feel has been amazing - it's so easy to get up in the morning. I am now losing weight very slowly (nothing like the rate most people my size lose) but I can gradually feel my clothes getting looser. This is with watching what I eat and doing a couple of exercise DVDs/going for short runs a few times a week (this wasn't doing much for me before switching).

When I say I watch what I eat, I mean using complex carbs (wholemeal everything, oats), good quality protein (eggs, fish, chicken etc), heaps of veg and fruit, a bit of dairy. I try to remember a portion is the size of my palm and I eat my five a day. I do this because a structured diet program just wasn't working for me; there was too much pressure, a certain expected loss every week. For whatever reason, that wasn't happening for me and I would get worked up and end up binging. This way, I seem to be able to control my portions more easily.

Keep up the exercise if you can - it's good for you and for your mood, whether or not you're losing weight. I look forward to it most of the time.

I spent two years on the meds feeling tired, depressed and frustrated. It really is horrible.

Glad you're enjoying it Sunset, it's a breath of fresh air, isn't it ?

Thank you so much guys for all your good advice and tips. Portion size is something I will look at - I wish I had the will power to starve myself to reach my goal weight lol! I have zero willpower and seem to be determined to self sabotage my feeble effects to slim. I am definately overweight at 5.4 and a size 16 (14 depending on the label). Wow that is interesting about the only neededing 300 more calories per running day for a 45 mile run. I will try taking the pill at night as usually I take it first thing when I wake up so thanks for the tip!

Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate everyones advice and good vibes.

Starving yourself to reach your goal weight would probably result in anorexia ?

The book that Sunset mentioned will show you that you don't need an ounce of willpower to really lose weight. Like I said to Sunset, it's not a quick fix, but I am now 3 stones lighter, still losing weight and haven't used willpower at all to get me here ?

I wouldn't have the willpower to starve myself. I'd last about half an hour I reckon!

Thanks mousie - wow, congrats on the 3 stone!!! Blimey I would love that. Will keep you all posted ?

Hey Hugo, dont beat yourself up.

I was always very lucky with my weight, could eat whatever I wanted and never put on a pound. Had my kids and straight back down to a 8/10.

Didnt even have to think about it, just took it for granted. Weight never entered my head!

Then in my early forties I quit smoking and put on 3 stone!!!

Since the, I'm bloody rubbish at trying to stick to anything, why would I?

No-one else seems to notice, I just got annoyed that I felt like a beached whale trying to turn over in bed! God, it feels like a 3 point turn sometimes!

I'm now 2stone more than I was for many years, but who says we should be a certain weight?

I'm almost 50, I'm 5ft 2 and weigh 10.5 stone.

So what?

Ok, I'll probably never be shopping in the little peoples shops again, but hey ho!

I keep myself clean and trendy and I'm outgoing and friendly,got lots of friends a wonder ful family. I'm not taking away from how you feel, your feelings are obviously very real, but look at the big picture Hugo. If you;re healthy and relatively happy it shouldnt matter.

And maybe if you stop worrying about it and focusing on it, it will work out fine. (lthough I know thyroid problems can add to the situatio).

Big juicy hugs to you. Just be happy missus. Life's too short.?

I tried to post this earlier but Hitched ate it.

I don't agree with what Hyacinbth says about the running - someone of my weight burns 70 calories per kilometre. So if I was running 45 miles a week (which is a huge huge amount - that's Paul Radcliffe training) I'd need a hell of a lot more that 300 calories a day extra! Unless I have misunderstood.

Anyway, as MrsWinkle says, your issue is almost certainly portion cotrol, and a good way to tackle it is to keep a food diary.

Also, look into low GI eating - it's hard to eat too much when you are genuinely not hungry.

Just to add - four runs a week of 5km each would require 350 calories per run - perhaps that is what H meant ?

It is generally said that for a woman of about 10.5 stone you can eat an extra 100 calories for every mile you run and you shouldn't put on weight. However this is an equilibrium which is only really reached when you are running around 20 miles a week. Running less than that you do risk putting on a little weight.

There is evidence that for real weight loss from running without severly cutting daily calorie intake you need to cover in excess of 24 miles a week (don't ask me where they got that specific number from ?)

As for 45 miles a week being what Paula runs, you can easily add another 100 miles on to that ? When I was training last summer I was peaking at 70 miles a week and I literally couldn't eat enough to keep the weight on.......t'was fantastic ?

Just to add.....God I'm such a running geek ?

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so miserable - it is horrible when nothing seems to work isn't it? ?

Just to add that I am with Sophie M on the portion control and low GI - I've been trying portion control for a couple of weeks now and am amazed at how it seems to be working. I went round to a friend's for dinner last night - she made pasta (which I normally avoid but it won't kill me once in a while) and gave each of us a huge plateful. I managed 1/4 - 1/3 of the portion whilst the other ladies polished off their entire plateful: I left so much that she was worried that I didn't like it! I just couldn't manage any more, and that was following a 4 mile run and a miserable few hours trooping round Oxford Street looking for silver shoes!

Practical tips for reducing portions: eat little and often (I have raw nuts and fruit on hand for snacks), use smaller plates (this really works!) and use your palm as a rough guide as to the amount you should be eating. This will seem like a tiny amount at first but eat the portion and then have a piece of fruit etc in an hour's time to keep your energy topped up.

Hope you find something that works for you.

As someone else has said, I could have typed that myself. I have the willpower of a toddler and I am so fed up with myself. For example, yesterday I stuffed my face full of crap so today I had (no sugar) Muesli for breakfast and ignored my lunchtime hunger pangs. My grand plan was to have a good dinner and that would be it. No. I went next door at about five, quaffed a couple of glasses of French Cider and shared some chocolatey Turon (my arteries are hardening just thinking about it). Then my lovely MIL come out with a bowl of her special Pistachio ice cream. Why didn't I politely decline? Because I'm a greedy willpower free idiot.

When I was younger I could have done all of the above and still remained stick thin. Sadly now I'm <cough> 36 and, like GWTW, Hypothyroid, it doesn't work like that anymore. I am also taking some stoopid AD's which increase appetite. I'm looking to get off of those in the next couple of weeks. I just can't stand them anymore. I think about food almost every waking moment. Regardless of whether I am full or not.

Anyway, sorry if that was a bit all about me. I also posted to let you know that you are not on your own. A lot of others have posted to say that they have been there and pulled themselves out. I reckon if they can, we can too. Good luck ?

It's horrible to hear such lovely people so unhappy and saying awful things about themselves. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin is very good.

I've never been big big as I'm quite focussed and good at dieting but I always put it back on again and go from 8st 10-ish to 10st 7-ish over the space of a year or two. I'm about 9 - 9st 7 steadily now thank goodness, and frankly am just going to have to get used to being a size 10 rather than 8; it's hardly a hardship but I set very high, too high, standards for myself on lots of things. Rambling now.