Something wonderful then terrible happened

Oh no, what a dreadful thing to happen. At least she was at home, and with her best friend, not hundreds of miles away.

In your position I would return the dresses without a word and look for something else. If you ask her, even down the line, my feeling is she would say "oh don't be silly..." but really she never wants to see those dresses again. I say this because it's how I think I would feel.

Oh how bl@@dy awful. Returning the dresses may be a good idea and on the other hand she might not care about the dress. Life has a way of pulling the rug out from under us when we least expect it.

We have learned the hard way not to sweat the small stuff. I know you will be there for her and give her plenty of love. Xx

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your friends Dad, I can't even begin to imagine how she must be feeling right now. How long do you have until your wedding? I wouldn't rush into anything regarding taking the dresses back until you have had a chance to speak to your friend again once she has had time to grieve, I know you think it may remind her of the day it happened, but would having to go shopping again for another dress not also remind her of it too?

Thank you all. Knowing my friend, I don't think she would want to see it again. I did think about just taking them back and not say anything.

She was due to fly home later this week and then the next time I will see her will be next April when she returns home for good. The wedding is in May.

I will leave it a few weeks (have 28 days to return them) and speak to her. I don't think she will pretend she's ok with it if she's not. What I'll probably do is get their measurements a bit nearer the time and order them off Queenie or something. Xx

I'm so sorry that your day ended the way it did, and I'm sorry for your friends loss.

However I do have to say, I simply don't get your thinking around the dresses at all. Why in earth would they need to go back? If they were perfect before you found out, why would they not be perfect now?

IMO by taking them back you would be putting added pressure both on her any yourself by creating another job to be done, quite unnecessarily, at a time when both you and she least need it.

However I do agree with you - don't sweat the small stuff!

I am so sorry to hear that and I hope she is coping ok. What you say is very true - what matters is the people we love are around us, most other wedding stuff is superficial.

I think that is very thoughtful of you to think about taking the dresses back, it's a good idea to check with her first though as she may love the dress and want to keep it X

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's sad news. What an absolute shock - I hope she's okay.

While I think it's nice you're worrying about taking the dress back, I agree with people before in that the whole going bridesmaid dress shopping again may be worse than keeping the same dress. At least the dress might remind her of the happy feeling she had before her dad passed away?

Only you know how your friend is likely to feel, but in the same shoes I'd rather keep the dress than go through shopping again

I am so sorry for your friends loss, and hope she is ok.

I was just about to write near enough exactly what Pooba said. You know your friend better than anyone on here, so you'll have a better idea of how she will view the dress. Sometimes grief works in odd ways, for example, but Grandma bought a brand of tea she didn't drink for her sister, and forgot to give it to her, then the next day she died, and whenever she wanted to think about her sister, she'd buy that brand of tea and make a cuppa. Very weird yes, but, the point is don't be quick to return the dresses, she may think fondly of the dress as the last thing she bought before he passed, or she may never want to see it again.

If you are worried with it being the latter, have a quick look on the internet, and go shopping on your own, and see if you can find a plan b dress, then, if you are happy buy them, then your friend has the option of dresses, and won't feel like she has to choose the first dress.

Very sorry for your friends loss, the very small relief is that she was home & I'm assuming therefore had seen him before this happened.

I agree though with YorkshireKiwi. If I was you I wouldn't even worry about the dresses. The day she is going to remember in years to come is not going to be that she bought a lovely dress, it's that she had the most horrific news via phone call.

You know your friend though & if she is as open with you as you say, then she'll tell you she can't wear it. But for now....I'd not even think about it. You have until next May & this is the least of your worries at the moment.

xx

Thanks everyone, you've helped me see that there's no point in trying to second guess. And also that I may be making an issue where there isn't one. I will speak to her about it in a few weeks so then, if we do decide to return them, I'm still within the timeframe. I wouldn't take her dress shopping again, if I needed to then I'd sort it myself prob just by ordering online. And if we do decide to keep them and, next year comes and it does make her feel sad, well I'll be there with a big hug xx

I'm so sorry for your MOH's loss. Life has a funny way of throwing out the unexpected with often devastating timing. Personally I'd keep the dresses, but that's really up to you. You know your friend best.