Sorry to have troubled you

I would forget about it. There is nothing you can do. It's a story for when you look at your photos in 20 years! I would cull the man though.

Sorry i dont geddit.

He is not the reason why your hubbys relatives could not make it. Why give his presence a hard time?

He may not have been invited to the day and i personally think its awful that you told him that he wasnt welcome during the day.

His looks are not his fault either and for someone who doesnt 'conform to the norm' (rock chick boots, head banging first dance etc etc etc etc) I am surprised that you are judging how awful your photos will now look as hes going to stick out like a sore thumb......

he wanted to wish you well and you should have graciously accepted that........

maybe i'm missing something.... ?

I think your being really really really harsh!

£50 is a generous amount to give at a wedding - i dont think that just because he is a TRAINEE lawyer he should give you more!

And as for him being albino and sticking out like a sore thumb - really really horrible that you say that!

it wasnt his fault that he got there and your aunt got stuck in traffic!

He came to the ceremony and not the meal so i dont really see what your problem is, infact i think your being really ungrateful and rude

I'm not scalding him for the way he looks. I'm simply saying that it's hard for him to melt into the background when he knows damn well he wasn't meant to be there.

His invite clearly said Evening Invite... I would never dream of turning up at the ceremony. We only had 50 people there (very close friends & family) & the fact that 7 of them weren't there just made me feel even more gutted that he took it upon himself to 'crash' our day.

I had several people 'crash' my day....and i was delighted to see them, they stood in the rain and they took photos and milled about....thats what people do........they were even in the group fotos outside the church....

like shoegal says, you are being harsh and i think you should thank him for his wishes and his very generous wedding gift..........

now if it had been a total stranger who you had never set eyes on in your life, then yes, be pisd off....but someone who you had invited to the celebrations anyways?????? sheesh..... let it pass.

Well you are though as you are saying he sticks out like a sore thumb.

Maybe he just wanted to see you get married - its not like there was any cost to you of him being there!

Thats what people do at weddings - some turn up at the ceremony uninvited - even strangers!

If i were him id being thinking what a rude ungrateful person you were to whisper that he wasnt meant to be there

Wow, I must have been completely wrong for feeling so upset on my wedding day.

Thanks ladies for clearing up that I'm a fool for feeling so gutted. I appreciate your honesty.

Sorry - I agree with the other girls. It's not his fault that others couldn't make it and seeing you get married is not really a crime.

OK, so being in all the wedding photos is a bit of a pain when he wasn't officially invited but he was invited to some of the day so it's not like it was a total surpsie crasher.

What do you hope to achieve? The day has passed - he can't undo being there. Just like he can't help not being able to blend into the background.

Also agree with Shoegal about it not being his fault some of your guests weren't there.

And I don't get your point about him giving you £50 - I would think that is a very generous amount to receive from anyone, and I would probably be highly embarrassed if someone we had only invited to the evening gave us that much.

ETA - no one has said you are a fool and I am sorry to hear you're having a bad time at the moment.

I agree- i think youre totally out of order?

You didnt pay anything extra for him to sit there and i dont think you can honestly say heruined your photos! How bad is that!

I dont know why you connected him being there with your relatoves being stuck not able to make it but its not his fault- and i wouldnt have dreamt of telling someone that and try and make them feel bad!

Yes it is your big day but some htings should be let slip!

Sorry- thats my 2 cents anyway!

Foddette,

I think you have maybe got the "wedding fever" you are perhaps so caught up in wanting a perfect day that you can't see the wood from the trees anymore... I really hope that this is the case and that you seriously consider what you have written above about this chap.

As someone that studied law, I can tell you that the big bucks do not come in whilst you are a trainee lawyer struggling to make ends meet and pay your uni fees ....they come in once you have studied the bar and have been practising for a while etc and in my opinion £50 is a VERY generous wedding gift!

You have lost sight of what is really important here, it is not your friends fault he is albino, it is simply the way he was born - you should cherish the friendship no matter what he looks like -it does not matter if he sticks out like a sore thumb, what matters is that he came along as was there to show you how much he cared.

Either way, I think you need a hug and to maybe take a step back and look at the bigger picture,

S

I think i have to agree with the others, maybe your taking the other stresses from the day out on him.

As others have said its not his fault your other relatives werent able to make it, maybe they should have left earlier and taken into consideration the problems of traffic jams.

I have had quite a few people come to me who are only invited to the evening and ask whether they could come to the church and then come back to the evening do later and im flattered! Its lovely to know people care about you so much they want to share it with you even though we cant afford to have them there for the whole day.

As for your comments on him 'sticking out like a sore thumb' i think thats really harsh!! Its not his fault and how would you feel if your friends spoke about you like that.

I think if people are looking at your wedding photos they will be looking at you.

Fodette, the answer is right there in your edited post...

you think your upset was heightened by the fact hubbys relatives werent there........ thats GOOD you see that and i guess your thread has helped you see that.

We arent being b!tchy towards you, we merely pointed out the words you wrote.....hell, I am for one a good example of having posts torn up, misconstrued and chewed up in a different order again...... it happens to us all.

Now, if you had said all of the above within your original post then you would maybe have read slightly different answers....

no ones been troubled by this - only you so go get a cuppa and a deep breath and come back, i aint being the only OM here!

It IS a honest and friendly environment - we were honest in saying we thought you were really out of order - you didnt like it!

Blimey, seems I missed all the excitement!

Perhaps one thing for us all to bear in mind is that if you're having a church ceremony, anyone is entitled to attend. Whether they be a family member, friend only invited to the evening do or the local tramp who sleeps under the bench outside the church!

I appreciate that Fodette's comments in terms of his looks seem to have been taken out of context - he simply would be more noticeable in a crowd, in the same way one white person would be in a congregation of black people, or even someone in jeans in a congregation of people in saris. It doesn't mean that she's being unpleasant - that said, I didn't read all of the thread so I'm not sure what happened.

I also wanted to add my tuppence worth regarding the gift. His salary is irrelevant in terms of what he gets you. The fact that, as an evening guest, he wanted to give you £50 is, in my opinion, very generous. Lawyers, trainees or otherwise, is something I know an awful lot about (it's my job after all!). Trainee lawyers can earn anything from £14k in the regions up to about £45k at the big US firms. Not that this has anything to do with it, but just wanted to dispel any myths!

Fodette, it would be a shame for you to leave over this. T'is only a difference of opinion after all.