Speeches

We're 55 for WB and 122 for the evening and are having our speeches as part of the evening celebrations - which start at 5.30pm - so everyone can enjoy them. 5.30pm welcome line, 6.00pm speeches start till 7pm, 7.15pm cake cutting then first dance at 7.30pm, and party till closing time.

The WB is literally just a meal to us for closest friends and family.

We are having our sit-down meal in the evening and having our speeches then too. So for us it was obvious. Will your buffet be a sit-down one (i.e. everyone will have a chair) or is more like a stand-up and wander around with your plate kind of thing? If it's sit-down, I would be tempted to have the main speeches then. But if it's a stand-up buffet, the logistics may be tricky and as a guest I would find it a bit odd to have to stand up and pay attention during speeches.

We plan to provide tables for everyone during the evening celebrations, and it is a buffet so people can go back to sit down and nom.

Our buffet will be served at around 8.30pm so there will be no distractions whilst the speeches are going on earlier in the evening. We will, of course, remind people to ensure that their mobile phones and children are set to "silent" before we begin.

Well it is a concession to allow children to a wedding - you'll see a lot of people here have chosen not to - so the least that parents can do in return is to keep their little darlings quiet and seated during the relevant bits of the day.

*shrugs*

When I was a child , I was perfectly capable of keeping quiet when necessary, and it was my parent's responsibility to look after me, provide me with entertainment such as a colouring book if necessary, and make sure I behaved properly, not the hosts of wherever we were going - unless of course it was actually a children's party.

I know that today few families actually sit down to eat a meal together and sit at the table till everyone has finished, and a lot of children are incapable of using their imagination because they're more used to using the remote control than anything else, or interacting with others because "there's a pedo round every corner" paranoia means parents won't let their children out to actually BE children any more and go play.

*shrug* anyway all I'm saying is that if we end up having to provide loads of stuff to entertain other people's children means we can't afford to have the day that we want - and let's face it, whose day is it meant to be?

... or parents could take responsibility for their own children, and ensure they bring things with them that their child will enjoy should they require entertaining.

We will have one baby, two under 5's, a 7 and 9, and the rest are teenagers at the wedding. If you had a lot of small children in your family then I can understand people wanting more to "include them in the day" but as they're just friends/work colleagues children (apart from the 7 and 9 that come with a bridesmaid and are flower girl/ring bearer) I just don't see it as necessary, sorry. I know a lot of people disagree with me, and even more with those that choose "no children at all".

WSS!

Nope. I don't "disagree" with anyone who'd rather not have children at their wedding - and I am one of the 'I have 3 children of my own and a further 17 coming to my wedding' camp. It's totally down to each individual couple how they choose to organise their wedding day. I do, however, sometimes question the preconceptions some people hold about children - and you seem to be extraordinarily uptight where they're concerned. If I was invited to a wedding for someone I knew had the same attitude to children as you do, I would feel really uncomfortable the whole time I was there.

If you're paying for a barn dance to entertain your guests in the evening, why not pay for entertainment for the children - unless they're more hanger ons than guests?

Can't the children enjoy the barn dance too?

Let's get this all into perspective shall we? Apart from the wedding ceremony itself, where I'm sure very few of us would want hordes of kids running around shouting and causing chaos, and about an hour's worth of speeches during the early evening, children are free to do whatever their parents allow them to do for the rest of the day.

Sorry AJ, I forgot that most of your guests weren't invited to the whole day and wouldn't have to entertain their children during the wedding breakfast - just during the events either side....

I give up, I really do. Do you really think we should have to pay out for 11 hours of children's entertainment, for 2-3 distinct age groups?

If we'd gone with our first gut instinct of "no children" then the parents would have been paying out to have their little darlings looked after all day, so perhaps I should ask them to make a financial contribution towards us arranging something instead if that's what they'd prefer if they're not prepared to look after their kids properly during the day.

Those of you having children at your wedding, do you have a 'time limit' on when you want children to be gone by? Or are you happy to have tired, irritable little brats moping around at midnight?

AJ, dearest, I apologised to you. I misunderstood what you wrote, forgot your plans for the day - CHILL!

The four children that are coming to our wedding are invited for the whole day and evening, but I know my BIL2b and SIL2b have arranged for my nephews to be picked up at 10pm. My two, as they are older, will stay to the end. Or else.

I hope you NEVER, EVER have children....

Tired, irritable little brats.... Just who the hell do you think you are!

OMG!!! I mostly read posts and dont reply to any but had 2 reply 2 this one, how rude and ignorant of you to speak about children and thier parents in that way!! For starters I have no idea why you are even bothering with children at your wedding when you want them 2 sit like little robots and not move? I for one know that my son never has a remote control in his hand he is a very active little boy and sitting through an hour of speeches in silence would be impossible!! Also most children ARE restriced 2 mixing with strange adults as there IS a peado round every corner nowadays, parents are not paranoid its just the way the world is now. Will your kids, god forbid if you ever have any, be allowed 2 chat 2 any tom dick or harry?? dont think so.

*SHRUG* as I said if you want the day 'you want' so much why the hell are you have sniffeling annoying little brats at your wedding? You are contradicting your self something terrible!!!!!

If any of you have problems with my thoughts on children and how they should be raised, then feel free to PM me.

Otherwise I suggest you all stop whining about something that is my choice, and revert to the discussion about when to have speeches.

Its not whining... its called having an opinion... But then women are not allowed opinions in your "wonderful world of AJ" are they...

In aj's defence (forgive me, my wedding is a few days away and I'm getting soft!), I've seen plenty of 'annoying little brats' at weddings. I've also seen some impeccably behaved children.

We took the decision that, as we don't have close family with small children, we weren't going to invite them so that we could have the adult day we so desired.

Its not your choice though, if you want it 2 be your choice dont have kids there, its not up 2 you how they behave at your wedding is it? Its your wedding but you cant dictate peoples behaviour, kids or adults.

Do you have children?

I would love to know how people keep their children quiet? I think it's just a built in things with kids, they seem to make the most noise when you don't want them too. lol

exactly, its near impossible, but then it must just be our bad parenting ?

No, we want to do things in the traditional order and get married first.

Perhaps we are in the minority round here (again) but that's our choice.

I thought as much....

I had my kids out of wedlock when I got knocked up at 19 and again when I was 21.

My wedding will be more special for me as my children will be there.

Thing is, from the way you're wording things it almost seems as if you're looking for disagreement. I might be wrong, but that's the way it comes across. I have the opposite view in that I don't think my wedding would be as fun without children there, but i've never had any disagreements with anyone about that view. Although now i've said that I may have opened myself up to debate as well!

The question was pointed as to whether WE had any children, and the answer is no, we don't, as we wanted to get married first. This is my second marriage (her first) but my first was a short one thankfully (a big mistake I should never have made but that's history now) and we didn't have any children - but I'm sure you can all understand why I don't want to go into more details and relive the pain of those days.

If others have children from a previous marriage, that's fine - I don't have a problem with that, and then again why should I anyway as it's not my wedding. Perhaps those enthusing about having other people's kids at their wedding are those who have kids of their own from whatever circumstances life threw at them?

Same me a seat by the fridge if you get there before me...

How long before we get accused of ganging up on AJ?

5...4....3...2....1.....

Your wedding, your choice.

If, once we have children, we get invited to a wedding then I'd make sure we were sitting near a door so we could whip them outside immediately they started playing up, so as not to disrupt proceedings for everyone else.

AJ,I hope your day goes as planned and all the children are quiet and invisible,i can't help but comment though that if you vocalise your thoughts to peoples faces in real life about your opinions and parenting ideas you will at some point be biting back your words with a red face.

Children in my little opinion having had three (gasp ,out of wedlock) are actually born with personalities of their own,you can try your best to make sure that they are well behaved but sometimes you will get a quiet/shy/won't say boo and sometimes you will get a load/fearless one who can't sit still for very long.

Your ideas are just ideas and reality of parenthood does usually change peoples tolerance levels,especially the parents,so while you might view a child just now as being "a tired irritable little brat" or whatever you said,with your own flesh and blood you would perhaps still think he/she was adorable and children make noise so deal with it .

To add,my wedding is not going to be full of children,the under tens will be two nephews and three nieces and my own little boy but i think it is worth spending a little bit of money to get some activities and books in case they get bored and i doubt the parents will be able to lug everything with them. I am also employing a nanny for my son in the evening in case he gets really tired and wants to go to bed.

Blimey- I didn't mean to cause WW3! I'm not even going to comment on the children thing but thank you for the replies to my question.

There will be seats for the majority of guests yes but on reflection, and from reading your replies- I don't think I'd want to restrict 120 people to sit still and listen to 3 speeches at the evening party when they will most likely be expecting to and hopefully wanting to just be up, dancing and mingling. I think I might go with the idea of having someone just get up to say thank you for coming etc...maybe when the buffet is being served we could do this....sorry- thinking aloud now!

Thanks again for the replies to my query..I keep thinking of all these random wedding things that I need to sort out and organise and its still 17months to go, goodness knows what I'll be like the month before! lol

x