Hi all! Apologies in advance for the length of this post. For those of you who stick to the end, thank you! For those of you who reply, thank you even more!
Firstly my partner is terrified of public speaking, and secondly, the idea of a bride simply sitting down and smiling jars with the feminist in me, so we've decided to do a joint speech. Our inspiration was the song Summer Nights in Greece, where Olivia Newton John and John Travolta both recount the same story with their own perspective on things. We've spent the last couple of hours knocking up a first draft, and would like to get some feedback for improvements/suggestions. I acknowledge that this is difficult since you don't know us and some of the references will be unclear, but the main things I'm concerned about are:
1) anything that we may have missed!
2) any serious breaches in etiquette (we're obviously not going for the traditional thing, but if something is glaringly different, then let me know)
3) any improvements or better ways to phrase things
4) whether or not you think it's terribly awful for me not to have thanked my biological father. Yvette and Simon are my mother and step-father. They have been there for me much more than my dad has. They have paid for and are organising the wedding. They phone me, bake me cakes, invite us for dinner and have recently helped me through my driving lessons and bought me a car. In short, I see them as my parents. My father on the other hand hadn't spoken to me in over 6 months until recently, despite me trying to contact him. He rarely seems interested in my life and hasn't so much as sent me a birthday or Christmas card since I don't know when. Recently when I saw him he gave me a substantial amount of money, however, to put towards the wedding or the honeymoon, but I have asked if I can put it towards a deposit on a house instead since my mother is paying for the wedding. Although I am grateful, I see this gift as an I-can't-be-bothered-with-you-so-I'll-throw-money-at-you-instead thing. Perhaps I'm being too judgemental, but this is how the situation stands in my eyes.
Anyway, here's the speech:
Emma: Thank you all for coming, sharing today with all of our favourite people has been really important to us, so we thought that we’d also like to share the story of how this love began.
Sam: Emma will tell you that we first met on the 2nd September 2007, but we actually met a couple of times before this. The first time I tried to make polite conversation with her as I walked past her at a bus stop, but she gave me a dirty look. The second time, Daniel was driving past her at a bus stop, and we beeped the horn to get her attention. She again, gave us a dirty look. These events would set the tone for the rest of our relationship, since she doesn’t hide her displeasure very often, and until eventually passing her driving test last year (watch out, guys), she did make good use of the wonderful public transport available in our city.
But, all good fairy-tale events happen in threes, and at the third bus stop meeting outside Bar-de-Muse in Greenwich was my most successful. I used my sharp chat-up lines (“I like your jacket”), and getting her number was easy… unlike her as I was to find out!
[E snatches paper from S and gives a look of reproval]
Emma: We first met exactly 6 years and 11 months ago, on the 2nd September 2007, outside Bar-de-muse in Greenwich. I was travelling home after a party and was a bit tipsy, so it was not much of a surprise that I ended up giving my number to a strange man.
But a week later, when we were due to meet up on our first date I got cold feet and decided that I hated men. Despite telling Sam that I had got back with an ex-boyfriend, he used his excellent lie-detecting skills, called my bluff, and persuaded me to come out. I text Leona to let her know where I was going, just in case. I think my text read something like: “Hi Leona, I’m just letting you know that I’m going on a date in Greenwich with some guy. In the event that I disappear, that’s where they should start looking for my body.”
[S takes paper back with a raised eyebrow]
Sam: Emma had a really good time on our first date. She was really interested in my love of animals, and I could tell she was impressed with my conversation. When she excused herself, I patted myself on the back for having made such a good first impression.
Emma: Sam seemed nice, but would not stop talking about animals, which was getting tiresome, so I excused myself. In the loo I text Leona again to let her know that I was okay and that I didn’t think they’d need to send out a search party for me after all.
Sam: It all started from there, and before I knew it a year had gone by, and Emma was on her way to university. Finally I was going to get some peace for a few years.
Emma: I expect many people doubted that we’d last through the long distance, but it was clearly meant to be.
Sam: and while Emma went to university to better her education and further her career, I stayed in SE London and drank copious amounts of alcohol, and I am now earning more than she is.
Emma: On my return from uni I found that Sam had developed some habits that needed ironing out! I also found a diamond ring that I wanted, and I let him know about it repeatedly.
Sam: On Emma’s return from uni, I decided to get my act together and buy her a ring. On the 11th June 2011, Emma agreed to be my wife.
Emma: And now we’re here today celebrating with all our favourite people.
Sam: We’d like to say a big thank you to Emma’s parents Yvette and Simon for making this day happen. I know you were not sure about me in the early days, but I know now you recognise that I’d go to the ends of the earth for your daughter. Thank you so much for all you have done to help us start our lives together.
Emma: We’d also like to thank Sam’s mum Linda for allowing us to be together by putting up with us in her house for so long – we’ll be out of your hair soon I promise! I know mother-in-laws are meant to be awful, so I’m trying to keep quiet about how brilliant she is in case they take her away from me. And we’d also like to take this opportunity to remember those of us who are not here: Firstly, my grandmother, Eileen, who could not be here today. Secondly, our grandfathers who have sadly passed away. And very importantly, Sam’s father, Noah. It is a travesty that he is not here to see his son get married. So I would like you all to raise your glasses – to Nick.
Sam: Finally, it’s very important to say a massive thank you to all of our guests for celebrating with us today. Some of you have had long journeys to get here (thank you Pippa and Adam for coming from Sheffield, and Leon from Aberdeen), and some of you are missing out on your own birthday celebrations to be here with us today. Let’s just sing a quick happy birthday to Tina [sing]. We’ve had a lovely day so far, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of yours.
