Spiders already

There was a gargantuan one in the bath the other morning. Bastardos.

I don't mind them in the bath, they can't get out of it. Just run the hot tap and job's a good 'un.

But I agree, bastardos ?

I can't kill them - I imagine that if I kill them, their family and friends will come and avenge me. Mr W releases them back into the wild. I've even been brave enough to do it myself a few times.

Berlimey, you're good!

It's me or them I'm afraid. Although if they're bigger than very small spiders Mr Hole has to do the murderin'. Take no prisoners. Grrr.

Here is a list of the spiders that have brutally attacked me in the last few months (but mainly in the last three weeks)

1. Sid, he was in our bedroom, Mr MF went to catch him and he jumped out of sight, resulting me in pulling the bedroom apart and sobbing that there was no way I could continue living in the house

2. Sid Wanna be, after a glass of wine I calmed down a little over sid (see above) However, just as I was going to bed, there in the living room was a Sid look alike, waving at me and asking me whether he was Sid or not?, and chortling evily!

3. Jerome, I was in hospital just after having my 'op' I went to the toilet in the middle of the night and I collapsed, as I was waiting for the nurse to come and I find me I could see Jermone waving his eight legs in the corner and threatening to come and walk all over me whilst I was a wreck ( I also had poo down my leg, and it seemed to be an awful nightmare, I kept praying I would wake up)

4. Dominic, I was at home in the toilet, I just went to grab some loo roll, and just in time saw that sitting on the paper was Dominic, he was orange and the size of a 50p

5. Roger, On my birthday Mr MF presented me with a box full of gifts, however, I went to grab the last present and there sat Roger, wiping birthday cake from around his mouth.

6. Damian, I think Damian is the worst of all, Still on my birthday, I went upstairs and to the toilet, as I came out I realised my wound was itching, so went into the bedroom to see if my dressing needed changing, there, inside my knickers, on my tummy was Damian! He was big, black and hairy- I screamed and howled, there was a huge crash as I ran into the wardrobe in a panic, Mr MF came running upstairs to find me with my skirt above my head, screaming that there was a spider in my knickers, he took it off me, and I collapsed in a heap, declaring it was the worst birthday I had ever had!

7. Rita and Maud, These two ladies were not big, but after the recent events, when I found them in the bathroom using my cleanser I had to have them removed before they grew into big mummas!

8, Hilary, Hilary was in the hallway, she was HUGE, Mr MF knocked her to the floor to get rid of her and there was thud as she landed, he ended up having to flush her down the loo, I am still a little scared she is going to resurface and bite my bum.

There have been others, but none which have had as much impact as the above.

After meeting Hilary, I lay in bed and cried and asked Mr MF 'Why, is it that most things from my childhood like, curly wurlys, mars bars, cadbury creme eggs, had got much smaller, and yet spiders are so much bigger now than they ever were when i was little?'

Oh no, I tried the hot, very hot tap last year. I thought it had gone. Proudly told my H how brave I was and when I went to run a bath the big fat hairy fecker was sat on the tap! I nearly touchedbastard it <weeps>

I loathe this time of year. I nearly made a hole in the ceiling killing on with a lump hammer. My cats just won't help me.

I have to empty the airing cupboard for the plumber next week, scared already. Why does H work away so much this time of year. I took a towel out of there, wrapped my hair up, cleaned my teeth in front of a mirror and on my head............yes you guessed. Cue me sat cold wet and nekkid on the`bed for an hour wondering where it was ?

You need to get your darning needle out and make one of those beady door curtain thingies out of conkers. I think it would look lovely in your kitchen.

Wonks, how come you're here. Did the feathery one cancel?

OMG Monkey, that is horrendous. I feel for you!

MF, I think you need to move ?

Misseatalot, I hate having to empty out dark places as well. Getting the suitcases out when you're going away is always filled with terror too..

Thank you, I still feel violated because of Damian!

I have told Mr MF I want to move back into a town, but he thinks I am overreacting!- git!

The feathered one is in Brighton, so yes, a cancellation. I am currently pondering whether to do my arm weights and some abs work. I think I should.

I've never been keen on spiders but since we've lived in this house (pretty ancient - it's been around since the 1600's) i've sort of come to accept that from time to time they'll pop up. Generally I get Mr Dooby to scoop them up in a glass and rehome them outside (we live next to the parish church so they go there - i'm sure the inhabitants won't mind too much).

However my fear and loathing of spiders has transferred itself on to flying ants which generally infest my office at work every summer...however cos this summer's been so pants i've escaped them...until they turned up en masse (huge swarm) of them at my house on late one Friday night when i was home alone...i was not impressed!!

Oo, I'm feeling all creepy crawly now, I'll be checking the bed tonight <wibbles>

Why did i open this when i saw the thread title.I feel sick.

I was putting washing on the line last week and there was 3 bleeders on the line with a ball on their backs,i presumed they were spider eggs.I screamed and ran inside like a big girl.Now i will not go in the back yard incase it is over run with spiders.

? I have a spider infestation too and I hhhhaaate them. Nasty, evil things that move creepily! <shudders>

MF I completely understand and sympathise- the Damian experience sent shivers down my back. We currently have: 1 smallish black monster in the bathroom who's disappeared, several of the tiny body/long thin legs variety in the downstairs loo (which I refuse to use now), a gigantic brown monster in the herb patch which H cannot catch as it's too speedy, and an infestation of ginger monsters with stripey legs in the tomato plants. I am a nervous wreck and the really big ones haven't even started yet.

I would have died on the spot if that was me and I feel the same way with the curly wurly reference.

I had to get my little brother to save me from a huge one about a month ago that was running round my front room laughing at me. I spent the night sat on the coffee table waiting for it. But it never turned up again.

I don't think my plug in spider deterrent thingy is working anymore ☹️ which means I have to either buy a new one or they've adapted like the borg.

I'm still in denial about the black thing that fell off my bed the other night when I made the bed ? I've semi convinced myself it was a clump of my hair.

I need to employ a spider catcher ?

I sympathise with all the spider-haters. Our last place was so infested, I started naming them, like Monkey Fingers (I thought I was the only one who did that!) in order to make myself less scared.

I had Thelonius, Raoul, Pedro, Pepe, Ricardo and Janice, at one time. ?<shudder>

I had a 'jumper'. At approximately 23.15 on Monday night, as I entered my bed and pulled my covers over me, I happened to casually glance at the ceiling and there, bold as brass, was a hideous fat black one with short legs. I ordered husband to retrieve Henry (hoover) from cupboard and bring upstairs to said bedroom and took off attachments so I was standing on bed with hoover poised in the 'suck up arachnoid' position. Upon instruction, husband turned hoover on and as he did so, the little *** JUMPED onto my bed. Panic.

In a frenzy of fear, I managed to suck it up but not before he managed to glare at me in a murderous fashion with all eight eyes.

I do have a theory. We get loads of those big spindly ones and I have to hoover them up most nights. They're always in the same corners of the house. What I don't get is how do they know what corners to go to as they're always in the same corners, and if I don't hoover them up, why are there not 5 there after 5 days, say, as if I were to remove them every day for 5 days there would always be a different one in the previously vacuumed ones space?