Stag nights

I dont like the idea of strippers either but I trust my OH completely so if they go to a strip bar so be it. Try not to stress, like you said you have enough on your plate, but sadly boys will be boys.

Thanks Claire_lou, that's pretty much the conclusion I came to but I figured i had to make my feelings known.

I think your comment is more degrading here TBH! Take it these "dogs" are invited to the wedding?!!

To be saying things like "do what you like as long as you don't grope, snog or shag anyone" seems a little extreme to me - I didn't say anything of the sort to my H as I trusted him completely to behave in this respect and always have done - I just wanted him to go out and have a good time with his mates!

The best thing to do IMO is to keep yourself busy when H2B is on his stag. Day one of my H's I had my hair trial, Day 2 I went shopping and then went out for the evening with friends.

This is your H's do, not yours....I'm sure he wouldn't be placing any restrictions on your hen do!

To reassure you, most strip clubs have a VERY strick no touch policy - I know this, as I have escorted my mate friend home a number of times following him being kicked out for trying to, erm, touch! ?

For my Mr LM, the same rules apply for any night out really, which go without saying in our relationship (other than the last one which I always emphaise!) - enjoy yourself, feel free to do whatever the lads drag you into, but have some respect for me in what your up to, make sure no irreversible damage is done, make sure you can get home OK and DO NOT WAKE ME UP WHEN YOU COME HOME DRUNK!

ETA: Agree with MrsCoCo re: keeping busy. I'm quite happy with OH going out without me, but his Mom panics like hell, she will call him non-stop and I always encourage her not to be in touch, when she hears him sounding tipsy she worries!

It does make me laugh that you are referring to so called "rules" for a stag/hen night. I wouldnt dream of telling my OH what she can and cant do...surely that comes naturally when one is engaged to be spliced ?

I have to on the last point I made... I like my sleep... ?

H2b's stag night consisted of a very respectable meal at a sushi restaurant in Camden, followed by a much less respectable pub crawl with him in a Spiderman outfit and plastic manacles, and ended up with them in a rock karaoke bar in Farringdon. He was absolutely trollied by the end of the night and rang me in drunken tears because he missed me. I am very, very surprised he got through the night without a single stripper (he doesn't like that sort of thing anyway but his friends do!) but in the run up to the night, not once did it cross my mind to have a problem with the event or with his friends who'd taken time and money to arrange something special for him.

Remember, the stag night doesn't have to be to YOUR taste. You* won't be there! Even if your OH does spend the night ogling strippers, does it really, really matter? After all, the whole reason he's on that night out is to celebrate the fact that he's marrying you. I don't think I'd cope with being in a relationship with someone who habitually visited strip clubs, but I just can't fathom having a problem with it as a one off on a stag do.

*These are generic 'you'/'your' - not directed at anyone in particular!

My OH's best man asked me if I wanted to give him a list of things that they weren't allowed to do on the stag do (eg no strip clubs). I just said not to do anything that would put them in any danger. I thought it was decent of him to ask though.

Couldn't give a monkeys!! lol

I hope he goes out and has a fab time his is just an all day drinking session at the mo if he wants to go to strip bars then I don't care its his money and his eyes lol If I want to perv at other men thats fine too lol window shopping is fine in my world lol

I think the days of stag do's meaning all men go off and shag a prostitute are long gone and most men just go out and enjoying not having us women around to tell them to stop talking about football ....(enter your own boring subject!)

You should just enjoy whatever you are doing and not think about what he is doing! Guarantee you will be having a top time!! And he will prob call you drunk at some stage to confess undying love! lol

How do i feel about his stag do?

I could not give a hoot!! I wont need to keep myself busy for over thinking what he may be getting up to and i wont be laying any rules, its his night, he's had no say in mine (well neither have i) but i couldn't care less as long as he has a good one!!

Why don't you ask your hens if you can go see some semi-naked buff men as you're in the mood for some flesh!!!

Surely you are trust your H2B? Right? Or you wouldn't be getting married?

I can honestly say hand on heart if my H2B went to a strip club/had a stripper for his stag I wouldn't be bothered. At the end of the day it's me he's coming home to. If I didnt 110% trust him I wouldn't be getting married to him.

My brother (BM) said to me they were going to strip him naked & tie him to a tree (they didn't), I just said to him & the lads as long as you all get home safe & sound...happy days. The only thing I did say was not to shave his head or eyebrows as he loves his hair ?

If i am honest i do not like the idea of strip clubs at all,my other half has been to them although the last time i can remember was about 7 years ago on his best mans stag.

I think he will have a stag do though and i will be sowing my mouth together and not make any comment on it.If he goes then thats what is sometimes "expected" and i will not get my knickers in a twist about it.

I would not be impressed if my OH "banned"me from doing anything i wanted so i will not do it to him.

? Love this!

It does not bother me in the slightest if h2b goes into strip clubs! All I want him to do is have a good time, I think it's so wrong to dictate to him what he should/ shouldn't be able to do!

He has been on other people's stag nights before where they have gone into strip clubs and the stags btb's have told them not too so they have had to keep it a secret! If that was me, I would rather he be up front and honest about it!

I object to strip clubs on the basis that they degrade and objectify women. I have zero trust issues and healthy body image. I would expect lots of good behaviour from my boy and one of those is not propagating an unequal, sometimes violent, sometimes illegal, social relationship between men and women. As I've said before though, he claims that strippers are actually all budding lawyers. I've not managed to force vegetarianism on him either.

My ex wifes Cousin was a Dancer in one of these bars.
She did earn lots of money - on her terms. No touching, no sex. It was all about the money, and having fun teasing the customers.

She loved her job - and was earning very good wages which paid for house, nice sporty car etc.

I think she now trains dancers for this kind of work.

I'm sure its not always like this - but this is my limited knowledge from someone who actually did it for many years.

I was chatting to my Best Man the other week - I suspect my stag night will be something "blokey" during the day, so Clay Pigion Shooting, Carting etc.. Then followed by food then onto a night out, probably ending in a club.

Hopefully, I'd remain unscaved apart from some embarrassing videos on Facebook.

I've got no interest in visiting strip bars, but Carmen would understand if we did end up there. I'd have no problem in telling her, I'd certainly not be embarrassed by it.

By the same token, I'd be fine if she ended up being in the same situation.

I'm not dreading the stag do. I'm sure his day will be something sporty, currently favouring motorsport of some sort, and lots of alcohol in the evening no doubt. I would not be at all surprised if they end up in a strip club, in fact I'm pretty much expecting it. I'd be a little uncomfortable if I knew some girl was getting naked and rubbing her boobs in his face but at the end of the day I'm certainly not going to dictate what he can and can't do. If that's what the stags organise and they all go off to a strip club, I'd be so upset for him if he had to sit outside on his own and wait for them all to come out. I don't tell him what he can and can't do in the rest of his life (apart from telling him to tidy up after himself ... men!!) so why would I for this night. The same way he wouldn't tell me what I can and can't do on my hen do. We might make a jokey "no getting off with other people" comment or "make sure you behave yourself" but of course we would anyway. If we wanted to go off with other people, we wouldn't be marrying each other.

There's actually a lapdancing club in our local town, which we've both been into when we've been out with friends (as it's actually a very nice bar and you don't see any sort of nakedness as it's all behind closed doors) and I disagree that these places degrade women. It's the women's choice to do what they're doing. None of the girls seem to look like they're dragged in there kicking and screaming and if that's how they want to earn a living, it's their choice. I feel more sorry for the suckers who go spending all their hard earned cash on dances. And if OH ended up wasting loads of money in this way, then I'd be annoyed!

As I said before, for me, strip clubs, especially those elite brand types, propagate the idea that this whole industry is actually women exploiting men while being safe and probably on some kind of dental plan. The fact is that the Tuesday afternoon clientele at Jackie's Gentleman's Club are not clean, usually wholesome but being a bit naughty stags. The fact is that girls working in clubs like this are subject to violence and rape far more frequently than usual. The fact is that the industry is riddled with drugs and human trafficking. And who makes the money here? I mean, the proper bucks? The girls? Or the man who owns the place? Don't get me wrong, I doubt I'll make a difference to anyone's opinion. But I resent the idea that any objection to the sex industry must be based on my own body image or lack of trust in my relationship. I find that pretty ironic.

Thank you all for your replies, food for thought definitely.

I just want to clarify though, I didn't say to him 'you must not go to a strip club/have a stripper' I don't like it, I think it's degrading, but if that's what is going to happen there's nothing I can do about it nor would I tell him not to go.

I did tell him that if he gropes, snogs or shags anyone then the wedding is off, it was said in a tongue in cheek/jokey manner at the time (we were both a bit drunk) and it's not something I have ever said to him out loud before since those provisos go without saying for both of us on a night out, we wouldn't have a relationship if it didn't!

As for my comment on a couple of his mates being dogs, well they are, the way they talk about women sometimes when drunk would make your hair curl and while most of it is said for bravado and most of the time we get along great I still don't like it and H2B has also expressed dismay at some of the crap they say.

No doubt I'm fretting about nothing and I do genuinely want him to go out and have a good time, I just wanted to guague opinion on how other's felt about their H2Bs stag nights and 'neutralise' some of my own concerns

I think that your viewpoint is naive (in the nicest manner of debate ). High end strip clubs pave the way for all below them, to create a society where strip clubs are normal and, in the extreme, to be celebrated. While high end clubs may indeed offer dental, it also dictates, by dint of profile power, that it is OK for woman to think that getting their knockers out for money is somehow helping us to achieve an equal and fairer society. I'm all for choice - a woman does what she wants and when she wants for whom she wants - but it makes me sad to think that we can so easily place a cash value on this, that it seems so obvious for women to do it, that someone who objects to it (me) could be lambasted as insecure/prudish/whatever.

High end clubs are the "acceptable" face of an industry that actually distresses me. And they are by far the exception.

My objection about where the money really is isn't a call for a union, it's an indication of how fundamentally unequal the whole business is. It's women, employed by men, to get ogled at by men.

The final question: really, would you want your daughter to work in one? Not for safety reasons, not for the dental, for the value that you'd like your daughter to place on herself. For her own self-worth. (Assuming choice here, in the absence of starving children etc).

ETA: For Canterburybride, not Dolly

Lynnie peeps i 100% agree with everything you have just said! Minus the finding other people attractive bit! Lol.

@lynnie-peeps

So you can honestly say that you have never ever looked at another man and thought "oh hes nice?"

My OH is going on his stag do this weekend to Portugal, Im not worried about him (only that he may get really drunk and end up in hospital because of his mates) or his eyebrows will get shaved off!

I 100% agree with everything she says plus the finding other people attractive bit. But then Mr Sapphire is incredibly handsome. Other men look like hairy little goblins next to him ?

I am completely against every part of the sex industry and with good reason, since it is linked to so many exploitative practices and it is something which I feel very strongly about. If OH supported strip clubs then I wouldn't marry him because that would mean he wasn't the right man for me. Imo, its not particularly respectful to your OH to pay for a naked woman to rub her boobs in your face. But I understand that in other relationships thats ok.

? i am actually shocked

Just because i am soon to be married and have been with OH for 12+ years doesn't mean I don't appreciate the HOTNESS of others. And in doing so doesn't mean i would ever act on it!

I think life would be pretty dull if i couldn't oogle at Gerrard Butler, Vin Diesel, Eric, Ian Somerholder, Edward Cullen , *insert name of celeb here* etc etc need i go on?

Likewise StupidLamb, I think its actually the sign of a healthy relationship to be able to objectivly look at another and say if they are attractive or not. For me the screams of "OOOOH I could never look at another" scream insecurity to me on both sides.

There is a bar where I live that is a bit like Coyote Ugly's and the women dance on the bar in next to nothing. I ended up going there once on my work Xmas outing as I worked with men at the time and they wanted to go there. It was quite amusing as the women wanted to talk to me in between dancing as it was so rare for a woman to go there. I found some of them to be normal women, some of whom were at uni and had a job there to help support them.

Agree with you both stupidlamb and vm. We quite often play the game 'if you had to choose' and always have a laugh with it. It's just harmless.

Thats very unkind. No one said that being attracted /looking at other me meant that you weren't happy with your OH or anything else. Both lynnie peeps and I said that that was just us. We NEVER made a judgement on other people for finding other people attractive. But you can't accept that some people are different? I'm not insecure and neither is my OH.The simple fact is that I don't find other men very attractive. Even when I was single I wasn't attracted to that many people. My dad is the same(my mum is the only person he has ever been attracted to) so maybe thats where I've got it from. Just because you don't understand the way someone thinks/behaves doesn't mean its wrong or 'unhealthy'. And its so rude to make assumptions like that about someone elses relationships.

I'm not bothered in the slightest about OH going on his stag do to Spain. I trust him whole heartedly and want him to have a really good time, I wont be sitting at home twiddling my thumbs wondering what he will be up to, I'll be busy myself.

Me and the OH often comment on whether someone is attractive or pretty, to me it's just appreciating the female/male form ?

Blooming heck Sapphire- just an opinion that differs to yours thats all, chill out?!

I personally believe what I posted. You do not. All is good with the world eh? Not sure I ever said I disagreed with how you think, or that, God forbid I may not "understand" you... so now whose being rude and making assumptions eh?