I'm currently standing on a crossroads and I'm not sure which road I should take. OH and I had a huge falling out over the weekend and not only am I not surprised I'm also not overly upset either. I won;t go into details the reason why we fell-out survise to say it's not the first time and I doubt it'll be the last. At the moment every little thing he does bugs the crap out of me, we've tentively made and in his mind everything is hunky dory. However in my mind I can't summon up any feelings for him, we've kissed (but no hugs) and it was like kissing one of the kids. Yesterday I went on a dating website and actually felt excited about the prospect of meeting someone new - what does that say about us?? I've got so much on plate at the moment, it's 10 days till I go into hospital for a major op and the amount of the things I've got to sort before I go in is unbelievable.
For example, today I've dropped the kids off at school, went straight to B&Q to pick up some rope for the scouts tonight (I'm training to become a scout leader), I then drove into Uni and went to the library for some books as I've got 3 3,000 word essays to write before next Friday. I then sat in a 2 hour lecture, drove to the garden centre and had a bit of lunch while working on one of my essays. I've got to pick the kids up from school then drive stright into town to get a victorian costume for my daughter, if I get home before 5.30pm it'll be a miracle, I then have 50 minutes to cook and feed them and organise some bits for the scout meeting tonight. 6.30 - 8.30pm is scouts, then there is a meeting afterwards which means I won;t get home till at least 11pm. I've already had another spat with the OH on the phone but doubt we'll get to discuss that as he won't be home till after I've left for scouts (which is another issue). I'm working tomorrow night and then on Saturday I've got to supervise an archery competition from 12.45 - 6.30pm. I've also got to somehow try and get to the local cake shop for decorations for Bmy sons b'day cake then find the time to bake and decorate it as his party is next Sunday, ice and decorate the christmas cake before next Friday (my last day at work before my op - the cake is for the girls at work). Try finish the christmas shopping, buy my sons birthday present, sort out the food for boxing day (I won't be able to go shopping until at least January) and write some stuff up for scouts
I just haven't got the time or energy to even think about what is happening to my marriage and at the moment I'd quite happily walk away from it all. Horrible thing is the thought doesn't even make me sad.
For example, today I've dropped the kids off at school, went straight to B&Q to pick up some rope for the scouts tonight (I'm training to become a scout leader), I then drove into Uni and went to the library for some books as I've got 3 3,000 word essays to write before next Friday. I then sat in a 2 hour lecture, drove to the garden centre and had a bit of lunch while working on one of my essays. I've got to pick the kids up from school then drive stright into town to get a victorian costume for my daughter, if I get home before 5.30pm it'll be a miracle, I then have 50 minutes to cook and feed them and organise some bits for the scout meeting tonight. 6.30 - 8.30pm is scouts, then there is a meeting afterwards which means I won;t get home till at least 11pm. I've already had another spat with the OH on the phone but doubt we'll get to discuss that as he won't be home till after I've left for scouts (which is another issue). I'm working tomorrow night and then on Saturday I've got to supervise an archery competition from 12.45 - 6.30pm. I've also got to somehow try and get to the local cake shop for decorations for Bmy sons b'day cake then find the time to bake and decorate it as his party is next Sunday, ice and decorate the christmas cake before next Friday (my last day at work before my op - the cake is for the girls at work). Try finish the christmas shopping, buy my sons birthday present, sort out the food for boxing day (I won't be able to go shopping until at least January) and write some stuff up for scouts
I just haven't got the time or energy to even think about what is happening to my marriage and at the moment I'd quite happily walk away from it all. Horrible thing is the thought doesn't even make me sad.