step children anyone?

Aw i feel for him too, and dont worry it wont be a reflection on you at all and hopefully she will come round and realise you make her dad happy! And they will just be happy he is happy.

My OH's son moved in with us last summer full time, which we werent really expecting and I still wonder sometimes if I can cope with it, it really has tested our relationship but made me realise how much I do want to marry him really. we have a dilemma over if to take him on our honeymoon, as he seems quite unhappy that we dont want him with us, and feel bad as his mum moved far away.

Its not easy being step parent is it, like your husband just marries one person but you have to basically marry his kids as well! Just try and reassure him that they will come round in the end, as I'm sure they will want to be a part of it.

Aw i sort of know how u feel. i will be inheriting a ten yr old son from my h2b, he has full custody of him and he can be difficult but i understand why. when we told him we were engaged we expected him to go mad but all he said was when we live together i want a dog. then he told his dad that when he went back to school after xmas holidays the teacher asked them what was good and what was bad about the holidays and for his bad bit he said my dad getting engaged!

i dont take it personally as he can be very jealous and possessive with his dad and i know hes terrified im gona 'take his dad away' from him........id never do that cos my dads gf did the same to me and i still dont talk to him 26 yrs later so id never make another child feel that way.........we are quite close and he gets on well with my daughters but its a step at a time. i did promise him a dog when we move in together cos i want him to be happy in my home, but at the same time he knows he cant demand all the time.

sorry i hope u get thru it. its harder for kids no matter their age, but my guess is theyre prob v jealous. cant u take them out for a coffee and have a chat with them or is that out of the question?

I agree, I think jealousy is prob a large part of it, even though they are a little bit older, their dad will be devoting himself to you! I know I get jealous over my step son and he is getting totally fed up of all the wedding stuff but I suppose families are all about compromise and change.

I don't have any helpful advice as my step children refused to come to our wedding! Part of me takes it personally the other part didn't. It will affect our relationship forever though but what can I do about it now. x

The day we told our children was horrific ! All were fine bar one and now although they have never mentioned it again I am scared to and yet we are full planning ahead. It is awful but what can you do ? Just move forward and hope one day it changes. I don't know the circumstances but if they are in their 20's and can't be happy for Dad then you are on a hiding to nothing. Maintain good relations and don't force it , if they are there it is a bonus if not they have made their bed.

I see it is a common thing especially as most people have children from previous relationships. I can't get to close to the girls as they are literally on the other side of the world, I have met one and she is lovely. We go over once a year. I will try and build bridges especially as he has taken on me and my little boy who has autism, and that takes a lot of patience and love.

I can only just be there for him I guess and not let it spoil the day.

I'm not inherriting any step children however I am one- my mum had an afffair when led to (along with other things i'd imagin) her marrying her now husband (the same man) 7 years later. When she had the affair she left and moved in with her OH- now I could have went down the jelousy route but when they got married (1 was 17) both me and my brother realised that both she and my dad were happy and if they had stayed together or split up and been single this would not have been the case.

My mum's OH's daughter did not feel this way and cried the whole way through the service- she is older and I remember meeting her the next day after the wedding and (rightly or wrongly) telling her to grow up and realise that sometimes you need to not be selfish and realise that your parent is happy with that other person and live with it. I know younger children may be a different case but, I honestly think that once your in your 20's you should know that fariy tale happily ever afters arn't always the case and some people will not stay together forever and so their parents may marry again- obviously some may I have every intention of being with my H2B forever.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that although it can be upsetting the problem really isn't with you and your OH but with her and she will have to come around to the idea or live with it- I think the best thing you can do is give her time, be honest with her and enjoy your married life with your OH

I have 4 children, 23 (girl) ,21 (boy) ,19 (girl) and 16 (boy) , and H2b has 2 children 24 (boy) and 19 (girl) all excpet H2b daughter are fine.

My oldest son is and always has been my rock, and H2b is jealous of how close we are, but to my mind he has to deal with it as it is his issue BUT it doesnt make any difference to any of our relationships, all my kids accept H2b, and all the wedding plans . My 2 daughters are my bridesmaids, and my sons will walk me down the aisle/make speeches.

H2b son is his BM

H2b and i have been together 3yrs in June and engaged for 2 in March - i have yet to meet his daughgter - she refuses to really acknowledge me let alone meet me

H2b initially wanted me to ask her to be my bridesmaid 'as a way of guaranteeing her presence at the wedding' i completely and totally refused. There have been major rows between H2b and myself, over his daughter. She has instigated a row on FB that escalated out of control (a fact i dont think she expected) and for a while i refused to even consider inviting her (a fact i cannot not do as she is H2b daughter at end of day) she is now to be invited but i wont be meeting her before then. She moved away from her home (and mum) to uni, H2b hasnt visited yet, but she asked him other day if he was going to go and visit, he replied he was thinking of going down and bringing me, she replied she wanted the first time he visited her in her student accomodation she wanted him to come alone!! AND he is considering it!!!!!! - i think H2b needs to grow some, and tel her i am part of his life whether she likes it or not but he wont and she wont accept me either.

She will either RSVP and say she is coming and then not run up OR she wont even bother answering and will turn up - a fact H2b has acknowledged but says he cant do much about it!?!?!?!?!

H2b son always said she needed time to come round but to be frank how much bluddy time does she need??

My children are directly affected by H2b being in my life, he has so much more to do with them becasue he has, i dont need to have anything to do with his daughter if we dont to (any of us) but still it rattles me that he lets her continue to call the shots grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sorry turned into a rant of my own.

I totally get why you are feeling a low bout it all, and i wish i had a magic solution maybe hugs will help ((((((((hugs)))))))))

Having read some of your stories, I feel extremely lucky and priviledged to have my gorgeous, understanding 22yr old stepson. I've been with his Dad since he was 5 so known him most of his life, although my 'step parenting' skills left something to be desired when he was younger. I didn't find it especially easy and was (I'm ashamed to say) a bit hard on him at times. However, despite this, it got easier as he got older and we love each other to bits now. He was in floods of tears throughout our ceremony (all the ladies blame him for setting them off!). After we'd said our vows he whispered to me that he'd waited for this day for too long and was so proud to be my official stepson and that it was honestly the happiest day of his life. I can't tell you how this made me feel (actually, I'm getting emotional just typing it). We have a 2yr old daughter now and they adore each other. I love them both so much.