Stressed out about Kids!

You can't leave a 5 month old for very long, so to be honest I would say that baby needs to be at the wedding, or you have to accept that they won't be able to be around in the morning

They are looking into options for childcare to be fair to them, family member coming with them to babysit for the day etc. I want to suggest that the Best man comes for the 2 night stay, travelling down with an usher who is travelling alone, then the mum comes down in the morning of the wedding as they will be leaving the baby at home with family for one night?

I've always figured that babies are the exception to the no kids rule. Especially if they are breastfed.

I wouldn't suggest they come down separately to be honest, especially if they are travelling that far and bringing baby - Mum will want the support from her partner if she is travelling a long way with a small child.

I think you are going to either have to accept baby being there or be aware that your OH will have to do without his best man for a while in the morning.

Im afraid we have had to have a blanket ban on babies and kids, due to many couples having both babies and older children! They aren't bringing the baby with them, the issue is that mum doesn't want to leave him for 2 nights, as not fair on family looking after him and she of course will miss him, which is understandable. Hence why they were travelling down the morning of the wedding, so they are only leaving baby for one night.

In all honesty I don't think it is appropriate for you to dictate to a new dad when he is to come down to help your OH. Your OH has managed to get dressed on his own for many years now. I'm sure he can do it on his wedding day. He'll have his ushers there. Why do you think he needs his best man?

My OH's BM came down on the day of the wedding from quite far. It never even occurred to me to question that. I was just glad they were making the journey and had arranged child care for their little one.

Travelling on her own would be difficult for the new mum and you can't expect them all to hang about for 2 days because you want them to.

I know this is a big day for you, but in all honesty I'm a bit sad for your OH and his wife who are trying to be accommodating and all you're doing is demanding things. Compromise is the word!

That should have read that i'm sad for your OH's BM and his wife obviously!

I haven't demanded anything, i simply mentioned that he maybe needed for the morning, especially as there are no ushers. We are having a very small affair! I guess my main concern is if something happened to delay them getting to us? My OH would be absolutely gutted his best mate wasn't there for one reason or another. and i think at an already stressful time he wants assurance he will be there for support more than getting dressed!

I do understand where you're coming from, as we had a similar issue - if we'd included kids in invites, we'd have had 30 extra little guests on top of 70 adults, which to my mind would have skewed the whole feel of the wedding. However, you have to accept that the Best Man's family has to come first for him. It is unreasonable to expect him to be there for 2 nights when he'd be leaving such a young baby. If it was me, I would make an exception and allow them to bring the baby. Any friends and family should understand that as best man he had additional responsibilities that meant he needed to be there longer - if not, you can explain it to them. For us, our best man and ushers are expected to attend a rehearsal at the church the night before the wedding, but we are "lucky" that they happen not to have kids. We have multiple couples, though, where only one partner is coming and the other is staying home with their kids. I only know of one couple who are coming for the whole weekend and will be leaving their 8 month old baby 150 miles away, at home with the grandparents. To be honest, I was shocked that they were willing to do that!

It also depends what time your ceremony is - we intentionally booked a later ceremony, thinking it would allow people the flexibility to travel down in the morning and thus only spend one night in a hotel.

To be honest, they probably don't want to have to do a 7am start either. Especially on what is already a long day. I'm sure they would much rather come down the night before to be in plenty of time and all refreshed for the day itself. But baby comes first, and they are already leaving him/her for more than 24 hours. It's understandable that they wouldn't want to leave him any longer. You can't have it all ways I'm afraid.

Your H2B will be fine on the morning. A few pre-match nerves might crop up, but it shouldn't be a 'stressful' morning for him.

Yes you are demanding things. You've asked them not to bring their baby to the wedding so they now have to bring a relative to watch the baby. That is likely to be inconvenient (particularly if she's breast feeding) and expensive.

On top of that you want them to support your OH on the morning of the wedding, so you want them to change their travel plans. In my humble opinion that is demanding. You might disagree. That's your look out.

They have a baby to think of and that will be more important to them than the morning of your wedding day.

I think you need to be grateful that they are coming all that way with a small baby and arranging childcare. They also need your support and understanding. Their child's need for their presence is surely greater than your OH's need to be supported.

I'll say it again - compromise is the word!

You asked us whether you're being unreasonable. I think you are.

I disagree, if we had this rule we would have 6 babies at our wedding.

I think there being more than helpful and compromising for your day. I would struggle to leave a 5 month old baby for a few hours let alone for a night or 2. By the sounds of things your OH has a very understanding and good friend there in his best man, he's lucky. And I'm sure he will be fine on the morning. And if there's a problem on the morning and he can't make it in time then that's unfortunately a risk you and your OH will have to make. The other option is if you pay for a relative of theirs come and stay as well so they can come down at the time you want but have a relative look after baby for them.

There's far too many parents nowadays that dump there babies at the drop of a hat to go partying all weekend so unthinkable there being sensible

Rules are great but sometimes they are not totally realistic.

Both of the best men at our wedding have babies, one will be exactly four months and my BM will have a seven months old. All of them live relatively close, and even then only the four month old may need to come to the wedding because the baby is being breastfed, they have yet to decide. So it is not the same in terms of staying away for the night, but it would be nice is you could accommodate the baby if possible. Overall with the excpetion of one BM baby which is tbc our friends group we have seven babies and of them only one is definitely bringing their baby which will be nearly a year old by then as they are coming 200 miles. It was a case of bring baby or don't come and we want them there.

In all honesty if they can leave babies and young children with friends or relatives I think most parents would like to, my BM wants to leave her seven month oldbecause she is weaned and it means she can relax. However, if she turned round and felt she had to bring the baby I would be willing to accept this, and I cannot really stand children to be honest. So just because you bend rules for someone in the wedding party doesn't mean you have to allow everyone's kids. We are only having OH niece and nephew and put a polite note saying that only bumps and newborns would be catered for.

My BM won't be with me for whole hen night and won't be there until morning of the wedding and I have to accept she has other responsibilities. What might be nice would be to invite them both to come down for a two night stay and then the best man can be with the groom that evening and night - you are only talking about the cost of a hotel room after all and it would be less stressful for all concerned I would say.

I understand what you mean about parents enjoying the day without their kids, and when they are older this is true. Mine and 10, 9 and 4 and I could "switch off" for a night now, although my 4 year old would be on my mind the whole time.

At no point could, or would, I have done when they were 5 months, especially if I was any kind of distance from them. I know some people do it and that's absolutely fine, but I don't think it sounds like the parents in this case are relishing it. I only really feel relaxed when my kids are with my mum or OH.

i don't think it's reasonable to expect a new mum to travel 200 miles with her baby on her own without her partner, other than is exceptional circumstances so I think you will have to expect them to travel that day. If the mum is leaving her baby for the first time, I think she will need her partner's support.

I know I am going to be a wreck leaving my three to go on honeymoon for four nights later this month and OH will be doing a lot of reassuring and comforting. And they are significantly older than 5 months.

Children free weddings are fine- I completely understand them. But I don't think in this case it's ideal for the best man and his partner so you may need to compromise.

Are you concerned that if the one baby comes the friends you have said cannot bring their children will be upset? As it is someone in the bridal party and a very small child I think most people would see there there are few alterntatives. That said as mentioned above some people are happy to leave youngsters some are not.

Where will the groom and best man be staying the night before the wedding? If you are expecting them to stay in a hotel the night of the wedding then maybe they could do that night before as a family?

You need to make an exception to the 'no kids' rule. It's a 5 month old baby for God's sake and it's 200 miles! You won't have to pay for it to be there as it will no doubt be breastfed and what harm would it do?

As they are part of your bridal party I think you would need to have the baby at the wedding, if they are saying they will all leave at 7am to make it to the wedding then they will be there for you. It's maybe not ideal however it's the situation that you are in. My husband had a best man and before it he phoned to say that his wife was pregnant and due around the wedding day so they couldn't travel to Italy, we didn't mind, it's life and we were happy for them, he asked someone else to do the job.