Sucky day at work - would this offend you?

You don't comment on your employee's tits imo. Unless they're completely inappropriately attired, like in rubber or something.

I would have been very offended I reckon

Rude and totally inappropriate, IMO. I'd be more than annoyed.

Absolutely and completely inappropriate. I'd be having a word with HR.

Bang out of order. Sexual harrassment.

To be fair to him, there's a fair amount of banter in our office. One bloke repeatdly offers to bend me over a desk when I'm being sarcastic to him, and the history with my boss is that we have a joke, he accuses me of staring at his bum etc. I just thought today was a bit much. It's not like I went in in bondage gear, or some little bra top.

Perhaps cleavage makes him uncomfortable?

They've been touting some training on professional boundaries at work, I can send you the link tomorrow for him

Thank you all for your replies. Given the history, it's possible he doesn't realise he was being offensive before he said it (he would certainly have realised afterwards, although my sarcasm for the rest of the day was greeted with "can you drop your sh!tty attitude, please?")

Meh.

Easy with hindsight i know, but i it happens again, rather than sulk all day and not saying, i d say "hey, i know we have a joke, but youre well over the line with that one, ok?"

I didn't sulk, really. I just didn't join in any more banter. I'm always sarcastic so that's nothing new ?

Sounded like sulking to me ?

Even given the bantery laddish context, it's really not appropriate. If he was seriously attempting to ask you to dress more modestly, he wouldn't have done it like that. Sounds like a feeble attempt at flirting to me. I think you need to discourage him in a firm but non-confrontational way- I do think you need to say something though or else he'll think this behaviour is fair game.

<aside> Just over a year ago I was doing a deal and the opposing client on the other side made lewd, harrassing comments to me across the boardroom table- well, today we got a court order and served a statutory notice that will busticate his balls, ha! Rewengay is mine. *evil cackle* <aside>

I think it is totally inappropriate and offensive. However, as you say you do share a lot of banter so I imagine he may not realise he has crossed the line. I'd probably say something tomorrow if it was still bugging you but say it absolutely straight, don't try and approach it with more banter or a jokey way. I guess it's very hard to see where the line is between very close to the line banter and something that becomes inappropriate.

Erm, how many times can I say line in one paragraph?

This may be more appropriate:

I think sexual harassment is a bit OTT - far, far worse is bounded around our office - the PC Police would be in their element here! Sometimes the tone goes so very low I wonder how we've survived this far without any legal action but it makes the day fun and generally it's all light hearted banter, the girls give as good as the boys and generally everyone knows where the line is.

LTP, as someone who works in a similar sounding environment to you (small office, mostly male, lots of banter) I'd say he was out of order but not offensive IMO.

I agree with Nick, next time he says something along the same lines tell him you don't appreciate it, even better - can you have a word tomorrow and clarify if he was trying to be funny or if he was serious? There's nothing worse than a sucky atmosphere in a small office.

Techically, I think Lumpy is probably right Lili Donkey. However, these rules are forumulated in such as a way as to protect the vulnerable and easily offended. I do agree in LTP's case she's capable of handling it in a less officious way.

I can confirm that I am neither vulnerable nor easily offended. I don't want to go down the HR route, as I feel it would seriously mess with personal relationships in the office, which are by and large just fine. I'm already on the "po-faced" list for kicking off with them for inappropriate language about ethinic minorities.

For some reason my other reply didnt post.

Okay, not sure I should say this but being perfectly honest something in this doesn't sit quite right with me. Might be because I haven't worked in a mainly male environment and havent experienced this type of banter but it all sounds a little over-familiar and too personal, particularly the 'staring at my bum' comments. I'd just say be careful if you know what I mean ?

no, what do you mean? ?

?

?

I can't speak for LTP but I know here "over familiar" is probably quite appropriate, we're more like a bunch of friends who happen to work with each other than a group of colleagues - it's all perfectly harmless but for people who haven't experienced an environment like it I can appreciate it's totally alien and bewildering, not to mention uncomfortable.

Some of my friends were horrified to learn that after a big party last year I ended up in bed with a (female) client, in the same room as one of my bosses who was in bed, in his pants, watching porn but to me things like that are no big deal – it’s the source of many jokes now as are the occasions another of the bosses has copped off with female clients on nights out, or the conception date of another colleagues children (all seem to have been conceived on his birthday) and so on – we probably know more about each others lives than some of our friends do.

I can totally see how lots of people would feel very, very uncomfortable with it all though and had I worked elsewhere I’m sure I would be one of them - I ticked a colleague off last week for saying I was looking foxy as I felt that was a little too close to the line but I know he meant it innocently enough and was trying to pay me a compliment. It was the wording I found uncomfortable, looking nice would have been fine but hot / foxy / sexy all a little bit creepy…

LouM, I'm all in favour of sexual harassment legislation and the like but for every genuine case there seems to be loads of very OTT cases, the World has just gone PC mad - you can't seem to say or do anything without having to worry about offending someone.

LTP – bake one of your fab cakes shaped as a pair of ❤️❤️ and don’t let him eat any – tell him you wouldn’t want to offend him…He'll soon be apologising.

Holy crap. Sorry, but your description has totally horrified me, let alone your friends. Foxy is too familiar, but sitting in your pants watching porn isnt? WTF? Is your new assistant not settling into the team because you're a bunch of freaks, perhaps? ?

? when you put it like that maybe we are the problem...

Seriously though, the porn incident wasn't seedy - at least not as seedy as it sounds. I'm not helping the situation here am I?!

As for the assistant, I think she might need her CV again a few weeks, she has been about as useful as a chocolate teapot, scrap that, at least we could have eaten a chocolate teapot...

I agree about the poor assistant - and I don't think you can have a rep for jumping into bed and watching porn with clients and then be surprised that your colleagues make slightly inappropriate comments.

LTP, I agree with NickJ - next time just say I'm sorry, that comment's just plain inappropriate. It's all very well having banter but it has to be banter, once it starts being inappropriate it's only going to get more uncomfortable. If you can challenge on the racism, you can do the same with the boob comments, I know you can.

Goodness, some of these replies seem a little OTT to me. this is all about context, surely? and LTP has given the context clearly enough. one persons banter is anothers "over the line" and as long as all parties are aware of their lines then all is well, no matter what the conversation. anything said or done that is deemed "innapropriate" by one person may be seen to be totally cool by another, like in LDs case for example. I dont think there's any need to get OTT about it (kaz), certainly not yet.

I wonder if a quiet word tomorrow might be more appropriate?

"I didn't like your approach yesterday" or somesuch?

Lili Donkey, I'm just sitting here wondering what type of job you do that makes that sort of environment you've described acceptable? I'm really wanting to know the answer, if you wouldn't mind replying of course

LTP, is the 'banter' two way? Everything you've described sounds like them making lewd remarks about you...

That was precisely how I perceived the situation - HE says you look at his bum, HE comments on your boobage, another bloke offers to bend you over his desk... I know I would absolutely hate it, and I don't think it should be trivialised.

This sounds a bit like our environment (although we are a big company) and I'm finding this post interesting. I've previously decided that if and when I get a new job I am not going to enter into the banter, if it exists, but keep a little bit outside it. It doesn't particularly bother me either, but I think it does blur some lines and it makes things a lot harder to deal with if you do feel that a line has been overstepped.

Sounds to me like LTP isn't backwards in coming forwards in the banter stakes, and men don't think 'oooh, is talking about her tits more offensive than the banter LTP whacks at me'.... so its a very fine line between what LTP sees as OK in general office banter and when the boys step over the line (which they are going to be totally unaware of - if they're given an inch, they'll not see taking a mile as an issue!)

Judging by LTP's profile pic, I doubt she's easily offended by much!

Also, having worked in a company recently where it was a world of political correctness gone mad, I think office banter is fabulous and I just give as good as I get - and I work in HR so I was seen as some sort of freak by my colleagues for having a slightly off the wall SOH and enjoyed my banter with the guys daily.....

I've also worked for a company where the yearly 'conference' turned into something not dissimmilar to the client/employee/porn watching boss scenario already posted here by Lil Donkey and it really wasn't a problem with anyone cos thats the way people were @ that company.

Sometimes the world just needs to take itself a little less seriously!

I agree with all this. What I find though is that because banter is accepted, it is more easy to overstep the line without realising it.

In my org, there's lots of banter from all sides. It's very men dominated but the banter doesn't particularly bother me at all and in fact I'll join in or initiate it on occasions. But I do find it then becomes more difficult to deal with bits that you don't find acceptable. e.g when a very senior manager referred to me and my team as 'the bimbos' in a meeting in front of external clients. They were utterly shocked (and said so afterwardsw) but from his point of view it was only a small step from normal banter. I was livid though, not surprisingly.