Sudden realisation you're out of your depth

Perhaps you need a wedding/event planner?

Why are you having a barn dance if you're not convinced that people will go for it? If you're not even going to enjoy it then it seems a bit daft to be honest.

Over budget already, so I'm not sure that's going to happen really. Besides, I'm the sort of person who needs to be "in control" of things and I don't think I'd work very well in giving it over to someone else to play with.

It's up to us to host the event as it's our day, but there isn't anything obvious extra that we can do, and we certainly can't force people to participate if they really don't want to. I guess in many ways it's no different than an empty dance floor (which I'm sure we've all seen) but being a live band it somehow feels worse?

AJ

And breath, it's going to be just fine, I thought no one would turn up for my wedding let alone just theevening, and we had pleanty of guests stay till the end.

Barn dance is a brillent idea to get people involved, I went to a wedding last year that had one and after a few dances where the caller had to be encouraging people couldn't get enough of it.

All you have to do is be one half of the newly wed couple and enjoy your day, everything else will pretty much take care of it's self.Just lead by example when it comes to the dancing. A)You will have fun dancing and B) with all the partner changes that happen during Barn Dancing it's a great way to say hello to your guests.

I'm sure we will, although I'm a few years rusty I used to go to them quite often and although far from an expert I could "hold my own" if that makes sense. I know a number of the people coming are also barn dance fans so they'll be joining in - but obviously we can't dance all night.

We wanted to make our day our own - something you often hear on Hitched - and neither of us fancied a loud disco playing Lady Gaga or cheesy novelty records all night (and knowing our guest list most wouldn't have appreciated it either) so we thought a barn dance would be a nice change.

As an OM:

We got married at 11:30 and 34 guests and had anther 30 evening guests arrive at 6 so a long day to keep people amused - espically as we held it in our garden.

We had a blessing just after the evening guests arrived and the the first dance followed by disco.

We had no problem at all - guests mixed well and thoes that didn't dance chatted. Given we had a free bar all night to help it along (I seem to remember you are not having a bar?) and we found people notice and talk about the little things - unusal decoations, entertainment etc.

At a party I ran (I do events) a few years ago we had a string quartet during the meal and also a magician which went down well and was a talking point for thoes who didn't want to dance to the disco in the evening.

WTF WP??? I don't think that having someone organise AJ's wedding is going to make a bit of difference to his feelings considering he's doing a good job of organising his wedding to the letter. He's got it sorted, he's just worrying like we all do.

Anyway AJ, I think we do all have these worries. My friend's having a swing band for his evening do and he loves that idea. It's horses for courses really, how do you think your friends will react to the music/dancing? My brother had a similar style band to you for his wedding party and everyone was up dancing. Try not to worry, it'll be fine!

I'm sure your panicing for nothing!!! when my mum got married she had a caligh (I have no idea how to spell it!!) instead of a disco which we all thought was a bit odd but everyone just got on with it- i think people had a 'when in Rome.....' moment and it was really fun. In regards to entertaining people all those who are there will already know you and I'm sure won't expect to be entertained at all times- I certainly don't arrive at weddings expecting the bride and groom to have planned every detail of the evening- people can entertain themselves!!

I'm sure its normal but try not to panic!!

I never thought I would say this AJ... but breathe....... LOL

You organised and booked the Ceilidh as you obviously enjoy them, as we do, thats we also booked one for our reception.. I wouldnt worry about some people not getting up to dance as I think you will get this anywhere, if you had either a disco or a band playing so dont worry about those people... when I booked mine the first thing my mum said to me was oh brilliant at least the "oldies" can get up and have a dance too as they enjoy that kind of thing I suppose rather than a disco environment.

My suggestion would be is to sit back, re confirm with yourself as to why you booked the band and if you are happy with the conclusion then the booking was obviously the right thing to do.. as to you getting worried about getting in the party spirit, you probably wont be dancing a whole lot anyway and more mingling with your guests etc...

HTH?

It will go on the skill of the person in the barn dance band that does the calling

It's not that we "aren't having a bar" - there is a private bar for our guests only in a room just off of the room we're using, where the food will also be set out at the appropriate time, so people can have as much alcohol as they want to buy, we just aren't providing it on the tables by choice, plus knowing most of our guests they wouldn't have got through the set drinks package anyway so there'd be a lot of wastage that we'd still be paying for even if it wasn't drunk.

O an one thing I missed. We had a friend as Master of Cermonies - he was an absolute star and made sure me and OH (and the all important mothers) were equiped with a beverage all day but also was great at mixing the guests and doing introductions.

I think you need to lead the way! No one is going to let the bride and groom get up and dance to a barn dance on their own - can you mention it to a couple of your mates and maybe your b2b's mates and say you want to get everyone on the dancefloor?

Good piece of advice that my married best friend has given me is pick a time in the evening, say 9pm, and after that just enjoy yourself. Don't worry about circulating any more and talking to relatives, work colleagues etc etc - just do exactly what you want to do, be it dance, spend some time with your OH, whatever. Make sure that you enjoy your do - by that time you'll have spoken to everyone and can relax a bit.

Thats quite strong... What's your issue? People often use some help, even a little help, when they feel out of their depth

AJ. Have a chat with the barn dance band, they will ease you mind

Aj firstly stop panicking. You know your guests better than anyone so know what type of people they are and what they like. If you think they would be the kind of people that are shy, quiet types & wouldn't join in then I wouldn't waste your money on a Barn dance. As you say you are not a party person , nothing wrong with that but if your circle of friends are the same then maybe a band with music for everyone will be better.

Being in control of everything can make people feel uncomfortable & obliged to get up & participate. Just chill & let the party flow, people will enjoy a more relaxed atmosphere where there are no rules. At a wedding you have such a large amount of people all with differing tastes in music & how they soocialise, you can't please everyone and there will always be the odd one or two that will moan whatever you do.

I am sure Wills & Kate will have a few moaners who don't like the entertainment! ?

Thats very true

We will be "leading the way", as it were - apparently the band have a few "couples dances" that they often use as a first dance, so that's something we'll be having instead of awkwardly shuffling around the floor to some mushy song.

After that, we'll be doing a set of 8 - us, plus 3 bm's, 2 ushers and best man - although they don't actually know that yet.

After that we were planning another set of 8 - us plus the 2 sets of parents plus stepparents. They don't actually know that yet either.

Then it's free for all for anyone who wants to dance to get up.

Very true.

Sounds sorted to me! I reckon after your friends and family dances everyone will want to get up and have a go!

It will be fine, it is the same with everything if you haven't tried it how do you know you will like it?

Some of the best weddings I have attended or worked on have been the ones that have been just that little bit different. Don't put the added stress on yourself.

REPEAT AFTER ME: Everything will be fine....

The barn dance will be brilliant (my H2B is jealous - he loves all that kind of thing!) and people will get up and dance - everyone will be on such a high!

I'm the opposite to you - I can't wait for the evening reception and I think the Wedding Breakfast will be really boring. It works out well though as my H2B can't wait for the WB but isn't looking forward to the evening reception!

As long as they're the type of people who will be happy doing it! I love anything like this and don't really care if I make a fool of myself but know that for at least one of my BMs it would be their worst nightmare!

Will everyone be told that you're about to all perform - I think it'd be a brilliant way to kick off the night - once you've done your organised ones, you can all go out into the crowd and grab someone else up to dance and after that people will just get up and join in - with a barn dance I think people may be a bit less self conscious about dancing because you get told the steps - there's no chance people will see that you can't actually dance to pop songs - I am a spectacularly bad dancer and when I was younger would always sit out of dances unless there was a set routine - I'm crap at ad-libbing dances.

I just think we've got to know AJ quite well on here and we know that he doesn't like HIBs advertising their (or their wife's) services on threads. AJ is very organised and has clear views about what he wants from their wedding. He needs reassurance from us, not someone to take over the organising. Putting a comment that he should hire a wedding planner is - IMO - unecessary and if I was AJ would make me feel that you were implying that I couldn't cope with the planning, which just isn't the case. Though AJ is made from stronger stuff than me and probably wouldn't be so sensitive! ?

If you think for one moment that was an advertisement, you are totally wrong. It is up to AJ to decide what he wants, and what he feels.

As you pushed the point..Wedding planners are sometimes not there for the "planning of the whole thing" Sometimes they are used to fill in the gaps, or just use on the day to coordinate things, or to be there on the phone when you feel overwhelmed. many many people who plan their weddings themselves pull a planner in at the last minute to make sure the day runs smoothly

How would that help AJ though, unless you're Louis Spence in disguise?

Aj it will be fabulous!! Most of the scottish country dances i used to go to most people didn't drink because they had to drive home! Much fun was had by all and everyone stays for the last dance as they are so energised by the dancing! I can't afford a ceilidh band and just having a disco, but my friends seem to think that they are bring ceilidh band music on CD for the DJ to play and my friend karen who we call the "Fife foghorn" claims that she will be the caller - I am alway up for an impromtu ceilidh! and if i know there is going to be one i always take my dancing shoes!

We've seen a lot of barn dances / ceilidhs at weddings and they without fail get people up dancing much more quickly than at a disco. You'll have a fantastic time, and so will your guests. Even those who don't want to join in will enjoy watching those who are up dancing, and so everyone will be entertained. Try not to worry about the evening do, by having a barn dance you've already chosen the best way to get your guests to mingle.

Ali x

I really wouldn't worry. I have never seen a barn dance fail to get people on the floor but I have seen several DJs manage it. As a non-dancer myself I would be far more comfortable about getting up and being told what to do with a lot of others than trying to do my own thing and loking like an idiot!

We'll get the Best Man to announce "the first dance" - then we will be accompanied in a memorable manner to the dancefloor (not going to give details, keeping some surprises for you all) and then we'll do whatever we're told

I do like the idea of after the "family" dance everyone goes and grabs one person and drags them to the dance floor, which will make at least 2 sets of 8, and hopefully then we can sit down and have a rest and watch everyone else makiing an idiot of themselves.

Like you, I'm uncomfortable doing "pop dances" (superman, oops upside the head, locomotion etc) but it's somehow much easier when someone is telling you step by step what you should be doing. I certainly don't do the "grandad shuffle" very well either.

AJ

It'll be absolutely fine! An old work colleague was really keen on English Morris and rapper sword (sp?) dancing so when he got married they had a barn dance/country dance do in the evening.

The whole department was invited, including the sour old boot who tried to make me crumble in my new job. Bitter and twisted she was... But even SHE threw herself into it and at one point declared that she was going to pee herself laughing. It even made me wonder if she was partly human... ?

AJ I have never been to a barn dance but am sure that if you enjoy them and most of your guests enjoy it then it will be a great evening reception (celebration). I think it is normal to worry about the evening as it's the only part that the guests can go with the flow whereas the rest of the day is structured. I have the same worries and I have a disco so it's not unusual to feel that way.

AJ - Just thought i would mention, I too am anti party - not had a birthday party since i was 9, when at uni you could guarantee if the house party was at ours i would be in bed by 11pm with earplugs in and then get up at about 4 and tidy up the flat, much to my flatmates amusement. I like going to parties but not keen on being the host! I find them very stressful and not enjoyable. I would have forgone an evening do altogether but it would be unfair on my H2b as he loves a party and loves to dance and i know if i am on the dance floor with him I will forget everything else! I had originally told my guests we would just go to the pub in the evening which they didn't mind either... For my peace of mind i have organised an on the day coordinator - mainly to deal with the food due to us being in a village hall and not having a caterer