suits - am I being awkward or is FIL

There are no ifs or buts here - he is being difficult. Sounds like he needs to reminded that it is not a fashion show -it is a wedding and it is about his son and future daughter in law!!

Honestly? I think it's a bit unfair to make him wear something he's not happy with - who is paying has no influence.

having a different type of tie and no waistcoat isnt going to look odd.

If he never doesn't get the opportunity to "dress up", why make him spend the day so un-comfortable?

I personally would want them all in the same thing but thats just my own opinion.

But ... I cant stand my fil so if he had chosen to wear a stuffed chicken on his head, I couldnt have given a fig!!

But he can take it off after the photos???

He only has to wear it for what, 2 hours! Personally I think he is being silly

That's not the point. I wouldn't like to be told something that I wasn't comfortable in or felt it didn't suit me. It would spoil the day for me.

Then dont ever be a bridesmaid!!

lol - its not his day and its not as though a cravat is a heavy item its not in his way - what difference does a tie make???

I've got to agree with SC here. It's not his day, it's yours and it wouldn't look right in the photos unless he was wearing something completely different as I have seen in some pictures.

If he wants to coordinate with the rest of the wedding party, he wears the same as the rest of the wedding party, no ifs ands or buts!

Hi,

This is a fairly common problem. With nearly every wedding I do there is one person who does not like something, this is what I do.

Get every one (or at least 3 people) together in the shop at once. Do not pressure them to wear something they don't like. Do not make them do anything, do not argue with them. Simply get everyone to try-on what they are wearing and take a group photo.

Once he realises he is the only one who is different and the cravat and waistcoat feel just as comfortable as a tie, he will change his own mind.

90% of the time this works.

The other 10% are just difficult and there really is no point falling out over it. In which case you ahve to decide if the 2 dads should look the same or FIL looks different to everyone else.

Thanks

Marc

He's being a funny sod. Tell him you want him to wear it until after the photos. After that he can wear what ever he wants. If he won't demote him! Don't let him be a part of the wedding party! My OH's step dad keeps moaning, i've told him, it's my way until photos, or you can sit at the back!

For myself, I would expect that the wedding party would all be happy enough to go along with my wishes but if I knew somebody wasn't going to feel comfortable I wouldn't force them. I would, of course, be v disappointed but there are worse things that can happen and TBH I'm not sure that all the guests would notice and the pics will be fine.

I think its not worth falling out over - maybe ask again nicely and explain everybody is wearing the same and you really would have liked him to be wearing the ruche, waistcoat etc because of the pictures and any other reasons and see what he says. I think if he won't go for it then there is no point in fighting about it - it will cause an atmosphere that will continue into your big day.

Best of luck.

100% agree.

This is why Gillsy is most pleasant Hitcher!!! ?

Has your FIL tried on the outfit that you want? If he hasn't tried it on, maybe he will feel differently when he actually has the outfit on, rather than looking at a picture of it. So from that perspective, I like BespokeTailor's idea of getting the men together to try on and take pictures. Otherwise, can you compromise? He wears what you want for the ceremony and/or pictures, and can change later?

But, like the others, I think it's not worth falling over out if he really is set against the idea.

I might be a real bridezilla here but i'd def want them in the same! He will look like the odd one out if hes the only one in a tie!! If he doesn't want to wear what you're paying for for him, i'd tell him to get his own suit altogether (then he'd look really out of place and everyone will know he was being awkward!!) xx

Then I must have nice friends - my BM dress was lovely ? My BMs picked their own dress and the colour.

It is your day, no on can dispute that but personally I want all my guests to have a fantastic time and forcing them to do something they don't want to do wouldn't achieve that. On the other hand, it's his son's day and he wants to enjoy the day and be proud and happy.

I guess it depends on how much you really want everything to match to a T. As has been suggested, if he's not tried it on he might like it when he does. Alternatively, if you've not seen it on you might not like it. Just chat to him, tell him the plans and i'm sure you'll come to a decision that will suit you both. Does he even know what the tie looks like? I don't so he might have a picture in his mind of something way off the mark.

Hi KazandDave - I'm a chez vegas bride too!

I don't think it would bother me too much if he really wanted to wear a tie instead of a ruche tbh, I'd let him get on with it. It's such a tiny minute detail in the great scheme of things that I'm sure no-one will notice anyway as they'll be looking at you! If they do then so what, its just him being 'quirky' (some might say awkward but not me ? )

Aw thanks Sara ? - I try my best!!!!

I think more what was bothering me is would it stand out that he is wearing something different to the rest of them, which from most of the posts you don't think it'll matter.

He's not tried it on yet but i'll see what he thinks when he does.

think i'm just trying to get most things out of the way now so i'm not stressed with a week to go, just needed general opinions

thanks

?

Hi, i'm also having slate grey prince edward suits with a light silvery grey waistcoat and a midnight blue ruche, my dad wasnt keen on the ruche and the different type of collar, he's not a shirt and tie person either, i was happy for him to wear a tie instead as i don't think anyone would really notice.

He did however know it is his daughters day and wants to make it perfect for me so he said he is happy to wear whatever i want (i then mentioned we were thinking of kilts ha ha). when he and my mum went for the fitting he put it on and my mum told me he was chuffed to bits with it especially as its a bit different, i think its a good idea to get him to try on with the others that may help persuade him.

I have to say though, it drives me crazy that some people have to be awkward it really wont hurt him to wear it, sometimes i think people sulk about these things because they want some attention!!!!

Seriously??

I'm quite surprised that you would actually demote your FIL from the wedding party just for not wearing a ruche...TBH something like that wouldn't really register to me and I don't see what the problem is - if he doesn't want to wear it does it really, honestly matter? It's such a small thing...I wouldn't be able to care enough about ties and ruches to be that bothered. ?

Just my opinion obviously and I know certain things matter a lot more to some brides than others...it's just that I hardly think people looking through your pics are going to stop and think..."Oh dear lord, that man's wearing a tie...but all the rest of them are wearing a ruche! What kind of an insane wedding is this??!" ?

I thought I was the only one thinking that Stazzle ?

The only ones who are going to be wearing the same suits in my wedding party are my OH, our BM and my dad, were not having anyone else, OH's dad is gonna be there but his parents havent even bothered with anything to do with our big day so I cant be bothered to talk to them and get them involved, its not worth it. I dont think Our pictures will look bad because of this, I can understand how you want everyone to be in the same but if he really isnt comfortable then its going to show on the day and in the pictures, TBH I couldnt give a flying fig about my FILTB but I dont think I would make him do something he wasnt happy with

Does he realise that it's going to take less time putting a ruche on than a tie?, maybe it's because they look complicated and that's why he's been put off not realising that it's only a clip!.

I have sort of been through this with my dad!, I was "looking" at a pale suit and my dad hit the roof saying that I always want my own way and that he would wear what he wanted and if I didn't like it then he wouldn't walk me down he aisle...needless to say I have gone for a darker suit, not because of my dad but because we like it.

I know people will have their disagreements about weddings but the whole idea is that the outfits are "normally" up to the bride and groom so if you have a problem with being "told" what to wear then make it be known from the start.