supposed to be getting married in 16 days but...

Oh, man. I'm so sorry.

You need to confront him asap - it will be difficult and horrible but there is no other option. Tell him exactly what you know. [Edited to add that of course you could just pretend you never saw the messages and never mention it again, but my belief is that it would fester and re-emerge at another point further down the line, by which time you will have built up a lot of bitterness and resentment.]

He will probably try to turn it back onto you for looking on his facebook, and to be fair you shouldn't have been looking (unless it's a shared account), but this is a far, far bigger deal so that's another conversation for another time.

The only other thing is to consider is whether you still want to be with him, let alone be married to him. Do you think you can trust him again? Do you believe he would have gone ahead and cheated on you? Rebuilding trust is a long, slow process.

I'm gonna be honest and say that I wouldn't want to marry him at this point, but only you can decide that. Do NOT even consider going ahead with the wedding to save face, avoid upsetting guests, not lose money, etc. Your happiness is far more important than any of those things. Yes people will be surprised/shocked/upset and it will be awkward to call off, but it can be done. Your future is at stake here, so put yourself first.

Woah.

Agree that I'd screen shot them.

I actually don't even know what to suggest. Like Bonnie said, would you still want to marry him?

Don't rush into anything, but you do need to talk to him.

Some men panic at the thought that "this is it" - they are going to be spending the rest of their life with just one person. Most men panic and then get over it, but some really panic.

Maybe this is what he's doing at the moment - panicking. Either way, you need to confront him about it and find out why.

Hope you're ok.

I never thought about screen shotting it.

I sent a "do you promise you will never cheat on me text message" to which he has texted back saying he would never think about anyone else and is upset that I would even think he would... but he has also gone onto his facebook and deleted the messages... so I have nothing to screen shot....

Any time this comes up he always brings it back to his ex who cheated on him 3 months after getting married so he knows how much it hurts so would never do that to me...

I'm heart broken, I don't believe he would have gone on to do anything... but he is a flirt.. I love him and love being with him. I really do see a fantastic future with him...

But I don't know what to do. I have a belief that no man is ever 100% true to a lifelong partner, is this just a blip that I should ignore? I really don't want this to end.....

I was having such a lovely morning doing last minute bits and pieces for the wedding...... :,-(

I don't think it should be forgotten that he sent naked pictures of himself to his cousin - someone who is ALWAYS going to be in his life.

Do you think your text has made him suspicious you have seen the messages and that's why he has deleted them?

Horrible situation to be in. I feel for you. I think you need to discuss it before the wedding otherwise it will be in the back of your mind all day

I don't believe this at all, if I did believe it I wouldn't have married my husband.

Do you want to marry him? I have no idea what I would do in your situation, you must be devastated. I can only advise that you speak to him asap. Even if he has deleted the conversation it doesn't mean it didn't exist. Do not let him push this back to you for 'snooping' or whatever (FWIW you weren't snooping in my book).

Firstly - have an inadequate hug, I'm sorry he has done this to you.

Secondly - don't let the fact that you are getting married in 16 days cloud your judgement (as hard as that may be). What would be your reaction if you found this out before you were engaged? 6 months ago? Whenever??

All couples are different but I'm afraid I would not be sticking around if my OH did this to me (nor would he if it were the other way around). I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this. Like I say all couples are different.

You totally need to yell at talk to him

He told his female cousin he wanted a final fling, he then proceeded to talk dirty to her, then sent rudie photos to her?

Fark me. I don't even know where to go with this. Are you, um, from a culture where cousins are less taboo?

Regardless, he's thinking of cheating/has already mentally cheated on you/had internet sex. He's definitely already w*nked over her. Yet you can see a wonderful future with him?

You're better than this and you deserve better than this.

Honestly, the ONLY excuse I can even dredge up from the slurry pit of my mind is that his cousin somehow thought if she provided the cues, he wouldn't actually go out and do it, thus she is protecting you?

I finished with my ex because of flirty messages he sent to an old school friend as to me that was unacceptable.

Only you can decide how you feel about him / his behaviour- agree with Twiga you need to talk to him.

You must feel awful

ETA it wasn't solely the messages-other issues were involved but that was a big one.

I am really sorry to hear this.

I have to agree with InkedDoll about this. The choice is yours but can you live with marrying someone who does this weeks before they are meant to be getting married. Plus there is the dishonesty and bare faced lies -l don't think it is coincidence that the Facebook message have vanished.

I wouldn't make any decisions until you've had it out with him.

And having it out with him is unavoidable. He knows that OP has seen the FB messages.

This. Please, please don't brush this under the carpet. You need to talk to him. I agree with whoever said above that (as difficult as it is) you need to not let the fact that you're getting married soon cloud your judgement. Once you have spoken to him you need time to think and process what he has said and how you feel about it. If it takes longer than 16 days, so be it. You may feel humiliated postponing the wedding, but if you go through with it and he lets you down again you will be just as humiliated and will still have all the legal issues to deal with. Trust me.

My brother-in-law cheated on my sister two weeks before their wedding and they've been married now for 10 years. This is not to say that you should forgive your h2b or that you should ignore it. Certainly, my sister and her husband had some very long and intense discussions before they made any decisions. Also, my brother in law confessed to my sister, it was not that she found him out - which does make a difference.

I think that you need to sit down together, put the wedding to one side and discuss why he did what he did and whether or not you can forgive him. If you choose to do so, then the only advice I can give you is the advice my mum gave my sister - you have to forgive him totally and utterly and never, ever bring up the subject again. You cannot refer to it ever in an argument or conversation because if you decide he's forgiven, then it has to be a forever deal.

This is not the same as forgetting - you don't ever forget and if you ever catch him at the same thing again, that has to be the last time ever - you leave immediately and don't go back.

Only you know whether or not you can see a future ahead of you where you can do that. Just remember, weddings can be cancelled or postponed - it may be inconvenient but that's better than tying yourself into something because you're scared of what others might think.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck and send you hugs because I know how much you're hurting right now xxxx

Good advice. My best friend broken off her engagement and cancelled the wedding a few years ago. It was one of the best things she ever did, don't get me wrong it was hard but he never would have made her happy. You need to do what is best for you and what will make you happy. I hope you get to chat to him soon.

Firstly, have a big old hug from me.... I imagine you're feeling truely sick at the moment from upset.

Youve already received fantastic advise which mirrors what I would say.

Whatever you decide to do about the wedding please don't keep quiet as it'll just eat you up.

Bloody hell- I'm sorry you had to see this, it must have been heartbreaking.

you need to speak to him, and then get some space to think.

I hope you get it sorted.

Hi sorry to hear this.....sending you a hug. I know you will be hurting right now and you won't know what to do. Do you have a friend for support? You have to confront him, if you don't it will eat away at you. I have to say that why is he getting married if he wants to carry on like this, there are better men out there who will treat you right xx

Sorry to hear this, no one deserves to go through this especially 16 days before your wedding,

However as others have said please don't let this have any affect on your decision. You have to talk to him about it, I can't advise you on what to do..if it were me I honestly couldn't go through with marrying him, but everyone is different and that's not for me to say.

But if you don't have it out with him and get it sorted by either forgiving him or moving on by yourself, you'll always wonder if he's at it again and what else you haven't found out about? This is his cousin so she's always going to be around, I assume she'll be at the wedding and you'll feel that anger and upset every time you see her..well I know I would.

It's such an awful situation to be in, I really hope you get things sorted and make the right decision for you.

This is a very good, and important, point.

This is awful! I'm so sorry. Have you spoken to him yet?

Jo is right, this can't be a one off. If you wanted a fling there's plenty of ways to find some anonymous, you wouldn't turn to your cousin

Sorry I'm late to this and so sorry to hear this. I agree with what jojo and others have said. Don't let the wedding cloud your judgement, take time think about, come and talk it out on here if you need to

Sorry to hear you are going through this

I have to believe what Jo has said. Although a bit of an odd thing to say to your cousin in the first place they must have some sort of prior history. I would say that if he deleted the posts after you asked about him cheating on you he definitely has an idea that you have seen them so the best thing to do is to admit what you have seen and have it out with him. If you're honest then he should be honest too.

Never been in the situation and I pray I never will be. I hope you get it sorted xx

I hope you managed to speak to him.

Knowing what I know now, I should never have married my H. Long before we got married he'd been flirtily texting girls from his work (I posted on here about it) and ultimately, after only 18 months of marriage, he left me for one of these girls. I honestly don't know if he ever did anything physical with any of them, but as far as I'm concerned he cheated on me because my trust was broken. I am in no way innocent. I am difficult to live with and jealous. But that is no excuse for him doing what he did to me.

It's taken a little bit of time, but there is life after him and I really am better off.

FWIW, I don't think you should just call the whole thing off - though you probably need to postpone the wedding whilst you decide. In reality, 2 weeks isn't very long to decide whether you can trust someone, and once you're married, everything becomes a lot lot harder. Marriage isn't easy, and if you don't start out right, it's gonna be even harder.

If this is something you really do believe you can get past, then I don't see why you can't. If he's prepared to do what you need him to do (delete Facebook, stop contact, whatever YOU want/need). If he really does want to be with you, and this really was just a strange blip, then you can get through it.

But brushing it under the carpet wont solve anything. It'll be with you forever. He needs to know how you're feeling, and you need to tell him straight.

Ultimately, what he's done is wrong. He's getting married and you should be the only person he wants to fool around with. If he wants to have fun with other people, he's not the marrying kind.

Agree with all of this.

sorry you are going through this. Xx

I'm wondering now if the OP is gonna come back and post about what happened in this situation. I hope so cos I'm concerned for her well-being (which sounds ridiculous about someone you've never met), but I kind of feel like the confrontation (if it happened) will have been so upsetting that she may not.

Not ridiculous at all, we are care a lot about each other here, regardless if we 'know' the person or not!

I hope the OP does come back and let us know she's ok and what he had to say for himself. Sending you hugs OP x

I'm late to this and you've had some fabulous advice. I hope you've spoken to your partner now. Hugs for you, it's an awful situation. x

Very late to this and truly hope she did talk to him and comes back. its heartbreaking but that it needs to be addressed, i truly hope she didn't brush it off for her own sake

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all the hugs and support. It has been a tough 24 hours.

I did confront him eventually, I was being a total coward but I was just hurting so much I couldn't take it anymore.

He claims it has all been a misunderstanding. The sex talk from his cousin was apparently messages her husband has been sent by the girl he is cheating on with. Apparently a lot of the conversation was done by text so the facebook stuff was only part of the conversation, it was a bit of a muddle, and parts didn't make sense. He claims that a lot of the things I thought he said were things she could have said, which could have been true as I'm bad for misreading and I was incredibly upset so could have misread.

He doesn't remember a picture of a ***, he says it definitely wasn't his... but it did look very familiar...

Part of me wants to believe him as it is out of character.... but part of me knows what I read. And because the messages were deleted there is noting he can do to prove or disprove his innocence. I just don't know what to think..

The next couple of weeks are going to be tough.....