Talking with mouth full: WWYD

Your husband may be your best ally here - I suffer similar problems only it's my mum that does this. I know it makes him want to vomit on her feet, so we arrange things as best we can at shared meal times so he is at least not facing her during the meal.

? You don't need to explain yourself, I would be horrified too. Unfortunately, I'm not sure there is anything you can do.

To avaoid raising it directly, you could try to bring up the topic of people speaking with their mouths full, and how it makes you feel, in a conversation with her. Explaining that it's almost a phobia. But make sure it's not at, or around , a mealtime so that she doens't feel targetted. I think you should also talk to your H. He could even help by making sure he does it so that you can tell him off and bring it into her conciousness at the table.

I really feel for you, once you've noticed somthing like this it seems magnified. My FIL does it sometimes, fortunately my MIL soon stamps on it ?

I'm the same! Its horrible. I do tell everyone in the family that hey aren't allowed to scrape their teeth as I cant actually sit at the same table as that but talking with mouth full... i'm stuck!

Thanks both. The above is so true, too.

I often do share a joking moan with her about H, so I suppose I could bring up his talking with his mouthful in conversation and how it makes me feel ill and see whether she takes it on board at all.

I guess I do need to talk to H about it and see if he can help at all. It's just that he is so tolerant of everything (even my family ? I don't really want to make any issue about his parents, for some reason

Sorry, I keep writing 'with his mouthful' rather than 'with his mouth full'.

I think that as long as you both know that you love each others family, it gets taken the right way. It doesn't sound as though you have other issues, so I am sure he won't take it badly or as yet another fault. After all, she's your family now. Just reassure him that you think she wonderful too.

Ooh, difficult. I wonder if making a real point of NOT answering her because you're chewing then saying 'sorry, had to finish that mouthful...' would be too subtle? Or a bit passive-aggressive?

FWIW I have issues with my MIL's table manners. She has a habit of putting her left elbow on the table, leaning her chin in her left hand hand and eating with just her fork in her right hand. Her body language says 'this is a chore to eat' and it upsets me. I have said to her on more than one occasion 'don't you like it?' but to no avail.

Possibly not much help to you but after spending time teaching my young boys not to talk with their mouth full, they now will instruct anyone that they see doing this. Children have very little tact and people are rarely offended by them.

Actually, I think I'm going to sound awful, but this is your problem to deal with. Whilst someone talking with their mouth full is bad manners and a bit gross, the kind of reaction you describe is probably a bit excessive. I have a horror of spiders which rules my life, so I understand phobias, but that's what it is, a phobia. I get round mine by living in a house that's thankfully, thus far, large spider free, and by not going in the loft or shed. If it interfered with my family life, on a daily basis, I'd seek help. And I would in your case.

I don't talk with my mouth full by the way. Well, not often, depends on how important it is.......

Don't worry about sounding awful. There's no need to: if you read my post that's exactly what I'm asking, and I think I made it clear I feel it is my problem to deal with and also that I feel my reaction is excessive. I would prefer to deal with it by changing my reaction to it if it were possible.

What 'help' can I get? You get round yours by avoiding the situation, which clearly I can't do without explanation. It's the family thing to have a meal together whenever they get together so I couldn't avoid mealtimes withouth causing hurt and confusion. But equally I think I'm causing some confusion by going very quiet and unresponsive at mealtimes.

I'm out of work at the moment so simply can't afford to pay for anything myself. But even if I could, I'm not sure what help there would be ? Any ideas.

You so have my total sympathy?

I am very similar to you and especially with noises, so much so that I need to use ear plugs to eat with my husband (he eats as quietly as he can and def has his mouth closed but his jaw clicks, which I TOTALLY know he cant help, but i cant cope with hearing it!!)

I try as much as possible to sit away from known noisy eaters and when I am out it is usually ok as there tends to be a lot of background noise.

I would happily try anything to help this problem, and whilst I fully acknowledge that it is MY problem, I cant help my reaction and have over the years tried to reduce my reaction but it is sooooo hard once you have noticed someone doing it !!

So no answers,but will be reading this thread with interest!!

Forgot to add that I also hate the cutlery hitting the teeth sound too, and only last night stated to my husband that surely at his age he should know where his teeth are!!?

Brilliant! I should say that to H. H has a noisy jaw too, and so does his dad, so actually these big family mealtimes are very noisy. ?

I think it's fair to say I'm not the prettiest of eaters, either, so it's not that I'd prefer some upright Edwardian type dinner party. It's just the extremes of the noise / cutlery hitting teeth (surely that's no good for the teeth?) / mouth full thing that makes me queasy.

I sympathise, my MIL has horrible table manners (licking the knife, talking with her mouth full, burping!) and I hate it. Good table manners were drummed into me as essential so its hard to imagine someone not being taught, or not caring.

But, I agree with JK- in this case, you're going to have to make changes so you can deal with it. Before you worrying about counselling and so on, you could try the simple things- it may not be as bad as you think, you may have simply built it up into such a big thing it seems that way (easily done) how about not looking at her? look at the plate? when the noises start, take a few deep breaths and try to shut it out. think of something else, or have a place you go to in your head when it happens (imagining you're on a beach or in a lovely garden for example)

Thanks Hyacinth. These are the sort of things I do now - I concentrate on my food / breathing, and try counting.They do work to get through the meal. The problem is that they cause me to 'zone out' and therefore not talk to her which in turn must make me appear rather rude.

I just think it's one of those really difficult situations for which there is no easy answer, and it's not important enough to rock a really good relationship for.

I couldn't cope with her licking the knife though [shudder] - you have my sympathies for that.

Sounds awful, however I do agree with JK/Hyacinth - ultimately this is going to be your problem to deal with. I really don;t think there is any way to bring this up without causing offence and, while it is undoubtedly vile, your reaction is extreme, and that's what you possibly need to work on.
Learning some destressing/relaxation techniques could well help you.

Which has all reminded me of something else - will start new thread.

L
xx

I'm with you on this, except it's not a phobia, it just makes me really fecking mad! I suppose it's one of my main 'pet peeves'.

I hate watching / listening to people talking with their mouths full, I just think it's laziness and bad manners. if you have something to say, finish your mouth ful and then talk - but not both at the same time ... arrrrggghh!!

I also hate it when people eat noisily or with their mouths open, it's jut the 'chanking' noises, they really drive me to distraction. If I'm at home and my H is eating loudly, I have to turn the TV on (any channel will do!) so that it drowns out the noise of his chops slapping together!

But, I'm quite blunt, if someone is talking with mouth full / eating with mouth open in front of me, I'll tell them to stop it as it bad manners.

One of the blokes I work with does it and I've told him how annoying it is. His way of getting over the issue? He just covers his mouth with his hand, and continues to talk and eat .... ggggaaaaaa.

Manners are about making other people comfortable - telling off some one in this way is the height of bad manners. Frankly, I'd rather sit and watch food be masticated in another person's mouth than sit and cringe listening to one adult telling off another in this way.

I'm with JK - you can worry about your own manners (and your child's manners) but good manners mean avoiding or ignoring someone else's.