Thank you

Oh blimey ?

That sounds like a lot of stress he's under. I do think he sounds as if he needs to see someone, but being self-employed means that things like being signed off aren't going to be any good.

Poor you, what a terrible thing ?

You both sound under so much pressure at the moment. I don't really know what to suggest, I'm sure someone more useful than me can advise on what you can do. Is there really no way he would talk to anyone? The school trip sounds hellish, will you be going for permanent custody of the girls? And if you are is it possible for them to move schools so they are closer to your home?
?

Oh god.

I have no experience of this, but i am sure he needs to get professional help. You cant be expected to handle all this yourself.

xxx

No suggestions I'm afraid, but didn't want to read and run. This sounds really hard to deal with...?

CD we aren't sure we'll be able to cope with having the girls full time, ie full residency. He is going to talk to the ex today and discuss what is going on in her life with the boyfriend and work etc. If we do have them full time she is going to have to do some school runs or we need to look into childcare etc but we can't afford any of this right now as she gets all of the benefits.

If we do go for custody we can't move the eldest as she's started secondary school and according to our LEA she is attending the nearest appropriate school. And the youngest who is in year 4 has been moved so many tmes by her mother we don't think it would be fair to move her again. Do we put our needs first or hers.

? I'm really not surprised he's reached breaking point but I do think it's a lot for you to handle. Is there no way you could have another talk with him and get him to see a professional, GP, councillor or whatever?

Ideally this is what I want to do but I don't want to keep "going on" and push him over the edge.

No, I can see that. Maybe the talking you did last night has done some good and lifted a bit of weight, perhaps you can let things cool for a bit and then broach the subject at a later date?

Poor man ?

I think your GP is the best place to start.

Sorry, yes Sunset that's a good idea. He does seem so much chirpier this morning and has text a few times thanking me and telling me he loves me and he's sorry he just needed to get it off his chest.

I'm going to speak with my GP and see if he can offer any advice on the next steps to take. I'm also just looking to see if I can whisk him away next weekend for a night of relaxation and pampering. Might help lift his spirits.

Trouble is, that if you don't put your needs first, there won't be a proper "parenting unit" (and I mean that in that you have the children's bests interests at heart, sort of unit, not "1 mother, 1 father" type of unit) to properly take her needs into account. Your OH needs to get some sort of professional help - a doctor, counsellor, solicitor, court official etc. - to help with one or more aspects of the situation you're all finding yourself in at the moment. My thoughts are with you all.?

I think a night away may be a good start! bit of time away with just you.

It's not suprising that he's finding it all hard to deal with but i agree with the others, it's too much for your shoulders.

Sorry, i can't add anything else but my thoughts are with you and MrKB3.

x

Thank you all ?

Men can be very difficult to get to the GP with this sort of thing (working diagnosis soemthing like stress related depression) - often they leave it until the problem is so severe that they can't work, or their wife leaves them, or they;ve taken to drink. Nightmare. GPs deal with this sort of thing ALL THE TIME. Every day in fact. We're there to help. He can have meds or counselling or just a regular appointment to chat with the GP. If he leaves it it will get worse. It's vital you don't allow him to lay it all on your shoulders because you will suffer too.

Sorry so brief - at work

I think a night away is a good start, and just keep being there for him - now you know there is a problem, you can be more aware of it and available for talks. You've both been through a lot and it's not surprising he is feeling the stress. Perhaps the GP will be able to suggest some coping strategies for both of you to lighten the load a bit. Glad he's feeling brighter today - sometimes these things can just overwhelm you momentarily and getting it out helps.

Rache, that's helpful thank you.

I think he feels that people with judge him if he seeks help (not people we know, the proffessional) and that he is 'weak' by seeking help.

.

Re "feeling weak" - that'd the depression talking. It makes you feel worthless and pathetic, and you think the whole world can cope why can't I. Depression doesn't discriminate; if anything it tends to hit the strongest as they're the ones who take on a lot. Read "Depressive illness: The Curse of the strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher (a psychiatrist who specialises in treating stress related depression and in particular stress related depression in doctors) for more on this. (on amazon)

Again, thank you all. ?