That's put a dampener on it...

Hi, some men are just really traditional and I'm sorry that you're feeling deflated.

I had the same thing with my OH, he'd be enthusiastic and then just meh, nothing. He said he felt embarrassed seeing venues when we weren't 'technically engaged' and I had to respect that.

If you wait until it's all official, you might find everything more exciting when you do start visiting places. It's his day as well as yours and you have to respect his feelings, if he doesn't feel ready then try not to pressure him.

So he hasn't actually proposed yet? Most men I know are very traditional, so probably he just wants to do it 'properly' and propose first. My OH refused to propose until he had a job (he was a PhD student before that), we had a house and he had saved up enough for a ring - which is understandable but I was getting impatient after 8 yeasr! You have obviously agreed that marriage is in your future but you might just have to be patient with him.

So sorry to hear this, it really is a bummer Could you maybe talk to him and explain that you don't actually need all the money up front? If you just book with a deposit, you don't have to pay the balance until a couple of weeks before the wedding.

We booked our wedding and have been saving up as we go. We'll have more than enough by the time the wedding comes - we haven't needed to use much of it. i.e. the big things such as the caterers, DJ, cake etc. don't need paying until the week before the wedding!

Ah, I think that's actually quite sweet as he seems to be wanting to make sure he has the funds to act upon his proposal properly so you can carry it through to walking down that aisle, so don't feel too down, though I know you're probably excited and therefore impatient to get things moving. I wish my boy was a bit more responsible like that - we've been engaged 18 months and I still have the cheap token ring he gave me when he asked me. It's about to snap and the glass stones are wobbling but he hasn't saved up anything to replace it as yet. So, unfortunately I have the opposite problem with this making me wonder whether he's really committed to the whole getting married malarky. Poor boys, they can't win can they, lol?!

Sorry your OH isn't keen on booking. I don't really have anything to add other than to say I agree with everything Ali_G said. Whilst you might need a few grand upfront for deposits etc, the rest is all paid about 2 weeks before the actual wedding. (In ref to deposits we paid £1.9k covering venue, TOG, cars and band right at the outset.)

The only thing I would suggest is looking at the budget and your savings - if he sees how you will save it in time then he may be open to discussions, or at least decide when you will set the date (maybe when you have a % of the money)

But do watch out he dosen't have a traditional wants to propose idea in his head, or if he is still getting his head round the actual getting married. I know boy knew he wanted to be with me for life and we talked about marriage in the future. But he took longer be ready to actually put that into timeframes.

Though completely understand your downer

It's tricky for us guys. For the most part, we're traditionally the breadwinners, the guardians of the homestead etc and even though I work hard and earn a decent income nothing is guaranteed. I'm engaged to be married in 2014 and when Laura comes home with costings for the latest stately home she's been to and it's in the thousands just for the venue, I kinda go into 'man mode' even though it's do-able.

Thanks everyone, means a lot that you have all commented.

I think my intial feelings have subsided a bit and I can see exactly where he is coming from. To be honest he is the one that wants a big fancy wedding, its not really my thing. I would be happy to do a registry office ala Mr Big and Carrie lol

I am sure we will have a chat tonigt about it. And yes, he is very traditional (i.e. he wants to propose and he has even said it will be a big thing), maybe I am pressuring him a bit too much by setting a date. Oh dear, I think we need a chat and lay our cards on the table

Thanks all xxxxx

Are you keen on a big engagement? We had been together 5 years and OH wants children....I have refused until I get married and go to Israel (dont ask). I knew we could afford the wedding, but i also knew he couldnt afford to spend so much on a ring, we had been living together 3 years and so I suggested I go without an enegagement ring...he took me up on the offer and so we went to look at venues and it went from there.

Everyone's relationships are different, i know two couples who spent a fortune on engagement rings for each other and are still not married!

The expense of anything (rings, venue etc.) really doesnt mean anything to me. I think it does to him though. And I think he wants to propose when we have all of the money saved... even though to me that is a bit odd, as we are saving for something that isnt technically happening...

All very odd... and like a damp sponge lol

Sorry ACS to hear it feels like a let down.

I got all excited when I went shopping in a jewellers for a friends 30th birthday gift with my H2B and he pointed to an engagement ring and said "what do you think about that". I showed him what I preferred and then he didn't propose for another 8 months. Talk about leave a girl hanging!

Perhaps he knows when he wants to do it but he wants it to be on his terms, in his own way and he won't be rushed. It seems like you're on slightly different pages, perhaps you should have a "Chat" with him

This was me exactly!!!! When it happens, it happens. Just bear with him. I was at the point where we had appointments booked for venues and on the morning he'd say "I don't want to do it".

Good luck for everything, I hope you're out there venue shopping soon

Thanks hun. Yep, I think he has something in his mind, but I dont think he will entertain setting dates until we have saved all of the money up, and in his mind that's at least £15K... which shocked me a lot!

I guess I will just have to stop looking at things for now

UPDATE:

Well we had a mini chat on the phone today and I do feel a bit better. OH explained that he wants the proposal to be a surprise, and for planning to then be exciting and for us not to be worried about saving money.

I think we reached a compromise, that we dont need to save lots of money first, but more than he needs to propose when he feels ready (he is very traditional in that sense I have found out!!).

He said we can still go and look at Chilston on Sunday, and that if we love it, it will be our venue, but that we shouldnt book anything.

I think his main thing is to have as much money (more so for the venue as its the biggest expense) as possible already saved.

I am sure we will have a better chat when we get home from work, but I still feel a bit less flat!!

Thanks all

x

Yup - most men I know are far more traditional than us modern girls!!

Bless him, I know. I felt bad when he said he wanted the proposal to be a surprise, and if we book a date then it takes that away from it. He said he does want to get married, but he wants to propose properly first.

I cant really argue with that...

?

Now you have to do the ackward bit of trying not to work out when hes going to do it, and if he plan something nice to not try and get involved - but not be to excited just in case he isn't proposing but just doing something nice And not talking about it to not ruin the surprise!

Like I didn't know my proposal was happening - he never organises Ice Skating or a day out for me before

I know... I was telling him a while ago about a friend of mine who badgered her boyfriend to tell her when and where he is proposing, and now she is really upset (at him... but thats another story... ) and my OH bought up that and said he didnt like that, and didnt I think it would be better to have a surprise.

Yes, you just have to let these poor chats get there in their own time! I had actually given up hope of my OH proposing, when he surprised me by making me a cream tea in our new house that we'd just moved into - he just wanted to do it at the right time. I think lots of men feel its some sort of 'man-test' to get the proposal right!

Agreed... and I do feel bad! I will now turn my attention to being a furvent saver... lol

Mine kept saying he thought we should like together before we got engaged. I said that was fine but he proposed the day after he moved in! At least we "lived together" for a whole 24 hours! ha ha

Hahaha, that's brilliant!!

I have to say, thinking on when OH suggested we move in together, I wasnt expecting it, it was very exciting and lovely. I think I want that when he proposes, not "Oh, we are getting married on xx"...

Yep... hats off to him, he is right (but shhhhhh dont tell him I said I was wrong ? )

x

Gosh how funny... I'm back on but still no proposal! We have been together 11 years in February.

I only came on as a friend moved house who had my wedding dress stored in her attic! I bought it 8 years ago, and got it home and it got me feeling nostalgic!

I think I'm destined never to get married