The wedding seems to be bringing out the worst in our relationship :/

You are not alone HLT! OH and I were snapping at each other last night because I really need him to sort some things out and he keeps putting it off. Its difficult because his work hasn't been going particularly well lately so he is stressed about that too; but it doesn't change the fact that he still has to sort these things out! Last night I really wanted to scream at him, and I ended up in tears because I am so stressed. Like you said, it is ruining the run up to the wedding. I think its inevitable though, and by the weekend all should be sorted, then I'm hoping we can actually enjoy ourselves a bit next week.

So don't fret HLT, I think its normal and it will all fall into place before the big day ? ?

Dear HLT

I'm sorry things are becomming tense for you. I think if you ask any woman who has been married the few days before the wedding are the most stressful, not to mention if you have background things causing stress.

Try to focus on why you are marrying him, why he makes you happy and why you said yes.

K

Don't worry HLT, it's so close to the wedding that you're both bound to be stressed about things. Unfortunately this tends to lead to constant bickering and snapping at one another. Take a big deep breath and just think in a few days your going to have the best day ever and all this will be forgotten.

Thanks for the reassurance, perhaps I should cut him some slack... He's probably, well, clearly, annoyed with me too! I lost it a bit with him this morning when he moaned that I've not kept on top of the washing and ironing even though he was up late last night sorting out the ceremony music "for me" ... I think the way he phrases things don't help, and add in to the mix that we've got a small baby who wakes constantly through the night and a toddler climbing my legs all day leads to a very grumpy and miserable H(LT)!

Wow, add small children into the mix and I'm not surprised you're both stressed and snappy! I know what you mean about the way OH phrases things - whenever mine does any of the wedding stuff (or any housework too) he acts as if he's done me a big favour and deserves lots of praise, even though its his wedding and his house too!

I'm sure your wedding day itself will be beautiful, so just try and focus on that when you get stressed about wedding things. I am really looking forward to the actual day, its just the stuff I need to do beforehand!

I am exactly the same! I just want the day to start to I can relax and stop worrying about all the prep. I keep making lists of things I must not forget - if only I could pack the car now I would probably relax a bit!

What is it with men? I shouldn't moan as mine does do a lot around the house but yes, it's all for me...!

?

If my OH said this, I would give a swift left hook!

Music isn't just for you, it's his wedding too, no wonder he's annoying you.

I'm not really sure what to suggest as this would rile me no end.

Could you potentially get someone to look after the children one eve and go out for a date night, to remind you both why you love and are marrying one another

This is my H2B down to a tee, I was having a massive stress the over day about the accommodation in the house, OH was being about as helpful as a chocolate tea pot, we ended up having a massive row in which I actually shouted at him that he has doesnt have a clue about whats going on at our wedding cos he has done nothing to help! And left to him nothing would happen as he expects it sll to just fall in his lap!! We then went on 2 not talking for an hour! It was the worst argument we have had over the wedding and I really hope it stays that way!!

People (including OH) keep saying to me "its fine, it will all get done". Yes because I will have to do it!!!!! It seems that a lot of men (though I'm sure not all), just don't understand how much work we put into these weddings

Just to play devil's advocate a little here, in a lot of men's cases they do actually do these things for us. My h2b tidied the house on Saturday morning because future SIL was coming over. He didn't tidy up for himself or for her, he tidied up because he knew I would be fuming if she saw the house in such a tip - he couldn't care less and if it wasn't for me never would have lifted a finger. I know that is wrong and he should care what our house looks like, but he simply doesn't and would be happy living in a mess!

It's the same with the wedding. He wants to marry me and wants it to be a lovely day, but to him it would be a lovely day if it was just me and him there and we got married then went for a meal in his favourite restaurant. Things like hymns and table decorations he simply does not care if we even have them or not, so when he gets involved in anything like that he is doing it 'for me' and I really appreciate it.

Most men just don't care about details stuff....

in response to HLT, it's the Venus / Mars thing, try not to let it get to you and yes it's completely normal to somethines feel like strangling the one you love!

Saved me typing! Just what i was about to say - My other half to a T! ?

Sounds like your both stressed and sensitive - I go through this regularly! Personally I deal with it with lists and also don't be afraid to take some space for you - normally we have a evening doing our own things in different rooms - I tick things of my list and have a bath, and he tidies some of the things annoying him (then sits on the sofa).

I know its the time it seems you should be doing it all together but its not always like that

I had hoped for a nice week before the wedding, stress took over and me and the OH have had a few cross words, once all the little bits were in place we have had a couple of good days and everything is fine, nerves don't help either but i kept myself going knowing i am to marry my soul mate

I think this is the case of for 90% of couples! My OH summed it up by saying that women tend to over-prioritise getting all of the details right whereas men under-prioritise it, leading to arguments.

I've been getting pretty stressed about the wedding as I feel that I've had to organise 90% of it. However, a lot of the stuff that I've done doesn't actually need doing when you think about it. Do we really need beautiful, hand made stationery or pew ends or a guest book or colour co-ordinated confetti? No. Do I want it? Yes. Which means that I end up doing it as my OH, whilst agreeing it looks nice, just doesn't see the point. And after several arguments (the most explosive over the gift list) I can see where he's coming from! He still winds me up then when he tells friends and family (with 9 days to go) that everything is sorted, whereas I've got about a zillion list running through my head.

So in response to HLT - don't worry, lots of others are going through the same thing!

My husband was usless in the run up to our wedding. In the end I took a deep breath, calmly explained to him that I had too much to do to and that if he was worried about having clean clothes, he could put a wash on. His mother was an interference to me at the time, but she was very good at getting him out from under my feet.

It's perfectly normal to want to scream, especially with small kiddies. It'll all be worth it.

Its definately a male/female thing!

I worry about everything, my OH is pretty chilled!

He just doesnt realise how much I have done, I think when he sees the room on the day etc he'll realise how much effort its actually taken for it to look and be amazing. Until then I take a deep breath and just carry on!

Also, my OH is rubbish at doing stuff, not because he doesnt care, but because he just has a rubbish memory. I write him a list every now and then with what I need him to do on it and by when and stick it in front of his computer! He crosses them off as he goes, and then I give him another one!

I think us woman are bad at delegating because we are control freaks and want it all 'just so' and forget to ask for help. I had a melt down one day and my OH was like, if you dont ask me to help how am I supposed to know? They arent mind readers!

Thanks! With 9 days things have calmed down a lot and we have got on top of most things now so I'm pleased to report that things have already improved.

My husband thanked me in his speech for organising the most amazing day of his life single handedly. He said he was proud to call me his wife.

I have also found that things have improved since, I have handed over the accommodation to H2B and he has done a fantastic job on it, felt a little bit like a don't tell the bride, bride commenting on how much of a better job he has done than me!

This is definitely the way I find it best to tackle other half. If I ask him once, that's fine. But he doesn't do it so I have to ask him again and he calls that nagging gr. So the list has helped....although I find even though he does things on it, I have to cross it off lol

HLT - we too have had a stressful few days and seemed to be bickering a lot (which is actually really unusual for us). Even had a few tears and an evening of not really speaking much to each other. Now things have calmed down and we are both looking forward to the weekend.

I'm assuming by reading this thread that it is quite normal but it is upsettng at the time.

I am sure you will have a lovely wedding and a day to remember and all this pre-wedding stress will be forgotten.

Good luck for the 26th - Hope we both get the day we hope for

Hi, friend,

I can totally understand you. There are so many small stuffs before the wedding, I think every one will experience these, but you have go into the marriage hall, and you should know, there is only one time for one person. You should think it is a sweat thing, you can prepare the wedding yourself, you can do what you like to decorate your wedding, how happy it is! Just relax, not so serious as you think.

Thanks Olderbride. Things have calmed down here, now that we are feeling more organising. We made a point of enjoying our last weekend as Mr and Miss and now we are excitedly counting down the final days.

Sorry to hear you're having a touch time too - it obviously is, as you say, very normal. Good luck too for Sunday. Fingers crossed the sun shines for us (although it's not looking likely going by BBC weather forecast!) x

If it makes you feel better we had a raging row about a cardboard box last night. It culminated with me telling D that if he didn't think there was enough room in the car then I would put the box on the passenger seat and he could walk the 140 miles home to Preston, because I want to put that stuff in a box, not a carrier bag. He stomped off.

Haha Irrelephant! Hilarious. I take it you and the cardboard box "won"?