Hello - pardon the thanks mixed with a self-indulgent whinge but that's just the way things are today. ?
I wanted to say thanks for the suggestions the other day for the form that I had to fill out. I just wanted to let you know that I completed it and sent it back to the life coach. My first session with her is on Friday and she's going to help me work on where I want to be professionally and help me get back to the real me - rather than the constructed me that has been piling stress on myself and aiming towards a career that she doesn't necessarily want.
Also I have my first session with a CBT/NLP counsellor (I know they're not the same thing but she does both which is good) one week today. My sister has actually been seeing her and now longer needs to, so I am taking over her slot, which is handy as she will already know some of my back story. I'm meeting her with my sister first so we can see if we click and if we do then I'll be meeting with her weekly to flush out all of the stuff that I've been storing up and then put in place some mechanisms for dealing with my emotions going forward.
Speaking of emotions, it's been a pretty awful morning. I went for a drink with SB's sister last night and I mentioned his 'six months single' plan, she looked surprised and said that her mum had mentioned that he has been seeing someone. That was a bit of a gut punch - not least as I had asked him if he was only last weekend and he had said no and reiterated that he didn't want to go near anyone for six months. Plus we only broke up a month ago, and it was two weeks ago that I had post traumatic stress diagnosed.
I called him this morning before work to find out if it was true (I know, but we can't be friends if he's going to lie to me) and he said it was true but that he didn't tell me because of 'everything that has been going on'. I know that things have been difficult for us both lately, but that doesn't justify deliberately feeding me a load of crap, least of all when he has been professing to be supportive. Of course he's a big boy and can do what he likes with who he wants - but to lie to me is not on. He told me it is over now - I don't care.
Obviously I'm upset and disappointed that he couldn't tell me the truth - if he was protecting me not telling me then I would have expected an apology not the angry response that I got alongside excuses. Clearly the six month thing was just bullshit. So now we can't be even friends which although I know is probably sensible in the long run, it's not making me feel any better right at this moment. There just wasn't any need to deceive me, particularly when I have very honest with him.
We still have stuff at one anothers houses (there was no need to make a big effort to exchange things whilst we were planning on staying friends) so that will have to be sorted out at some point. I really don't want to do it now, right now I don't ever want to talk to him again. I'm going to jam it in the pack of the cupboard until I can deal with it. Ugh. Why does it all come at once eh? Boo.
