Those that have culled family, parents in particular...

Not in the same position as you but I culled my father about 25 years ago now, Ive not spoken to him since I was 17 and that was only as he phoned me to tell me my grandfather was dead. Anyway, my parents were divorced so I never had the problem of having to see him at family occasions. He wasnt invited to my wedding 6 years ago, and if he had turned up (out of spite , as he is that sort of person) I would have frog marched him out of the venue myself.

Ive also culled my MiL about a year ago, as she was basically an evil witch trying to split me and my husband up. I encourage Mr WT see her, but I will not, under any circumstances. If there is a family do on his side, I just dont go.

Sorry to hear youre having problems, but if you feel it would help your mental state to cull them, then do it, you health is worth more. As they say you can chose youre friends but not your family.

xx

I don't think you can "cull" your parents and your children remain in touch with them - at least not without putting your children in a horrendously difficult situation, which imo would be totally unfair on them.

It sounds to me like you've got a hell of a lot going on, and that perhaps culling your parents is a knee-jerk reaction to the emotional issues you're facing. It's great that you're going to be getting some counselling - I'm sure you will find it helpful to talk about all this with a professional. In the meantime, I'd honestly leave things as they are with your parents. If you can't face the wedding, don't go, but don't make any decisions you might regret for the moment.

First off, I'm sorry that you're going through this, and considering to cull your parents.

My concern is that you feel like you need to react somehow to all the confusion and depression you're faced with, and obviously I don't know the full story, but could it be that you feel you need to cull your parents, to "punish" yourself, and them? It might come across completely wrong, so ignore me if it does..

Second thing I'd be worried about would be the fact you think you might be bi-polar rather than depressed. In that case, I would suggest you go to the GPs and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, who can diagnose you, and also speak about a care plan.. I feel, personally, that seeing a generic counsellor might not be enough for you and your care plan.. My sister is bi-polar, and although she's off her medication (for now, as she's pregnant), she still has a care team on standby, and goes to see her psychiatrist every few months...

I would advise this: although emotions may run high, I would ask you to go to your GP, ask them to refer you to a psychiatrist who can assess you better, and think through what you want to do...

?

xxx

I culled my mother nearly 7 years ago (and for what it's worth I've never regretted the decision), I do send birthday/christmas cards but only because I know at some point I will speak to her again and it saves less hassle when that happens.

If there was a family event that we were likely to be both invited to I would weigh up how much I wanted to go to said event over how much it would set me back to see her. In your case if I was really close to my cousin then I would go to the wedding but swerve the reception. If we did meet I would be polite and say hello to her then walk away, I have no interest in speaking to her at all. If I wasn't that close to the Cousin I wouldn't go in the first place.

As for your children, that's tougher, and as I don't have any I can't really advise, however, if they made you that unhappy as a child what's to stop them transferring those feelings/emotions/hang up's to your kids too? If I had kids, they wouldn't see my mother either, but that's my decision based on my history and not necessarily the right one for you, only you can decide that.

Well done on getting some professional help, I sincerly hope the counselling helps you work stuff out and get some control back ?

Hi

DH and I have culled my in-law's and it's saved our marriage. We send cards (which is a farce but DH wants to do it). They don't have any other family so we don't have the problem of family events, but if we see them on the street DH says hello, I look the other way - same with them, she says hello, he ignores us both.

We have 3 children and decided that at this point it is best for everybody that they do not see their grandparents. We have been very open with them that we have fallen out and when they are older it will be their decision if they want to see them but at this point in time the Inlaws won't see the grandchildren unless we leave them there and over my dead body will I leave them there unsupervised.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It has been very hard for all concerned really and its all very sad.

Mrs S Smith, you could be right in that I'm punishing them and myself (punishing myself is something I have done all my life), but at the moment I feel so jumbled that I cant see the wood for the trees, as it were.

I've taken on board what you have said, esp about your sister. I've completed a bipolar questionaire, which has come up a bit scary (hence me thinking about bipolar). I'm going to take this with me on Friday, and while I'm there I'm going to make an appt with my doc (he's lovely and was my doc when I had all my miscarriages) to discuss bipolar. I have health insurance, so hopefully I'll be able to go down that route.

SophieM, you're right, it would be difficult for my children to have a relationship with them, and not me, and I certainly wouldn't want them to manipulate my children like I've felt they have me.

Sad thing is, they always say they never intend to hurt me, but they still keep doing it.... As you've all said, I'm going to leave things as they are with my folks, as I know I'm not mentally strong enough to cope right now.

Once again, thank you for your kind words and replies, I knew Hitched rocked, now you've kindly more than proved it to me.

xxx