Tight?

I don't know if it's necessarily tight - but certainly an inappropriate comment to make that a pair of shoes costs 10x the gift she got you.

It's very easy to get annoyed when you think how much you're spending out on people v how much you're getting back - we could have saved about £7000 by having no guests but just closest family, and I'm sure we won't get £7000 in gifts, but at the end of the day it's not really about the gifts, or money, but about people you want to spend the day with you.

I note you mention having spent out on her children and OH for something to wear - do they have a big part in your day?

I made the comment about the shoes, to preempt any queries about comparative wealth. In short, they're not short of a few bob.

Yes, the kids are involved - Page Boy and Flower Girl, but that was more because we couldn't imagine not including them. Her OH hasn't got a job during the wedding, we just didn't want to exclude him since suits are being hired for the other family men (her dad, my dad and BM) It didn't occur to us to NOT include him.

As I said, it's not so much the toaster, it's the fact that she actually specified and laughed about the fact that she'd been tight with the present. Why would someone do that? She might not like me (not that I've given her any reason to) but OH is her brother FFS

She's a ??

I dont see anything wrong if someone had bought a toaster or spent £20, but i find it a bit urgh that she laughed and said iv been a bit tight?? On the flip side she may have said it as she was embarrassed, to forewarn you its not anything spectacular?

WSS - Maybe she's actually a bit embarrassed that after she's spend so much money on herself that she can't afford a better gift. I can understand where your coming from, but i suppose it's how much something like this bothers you. I've paid for my BM's dresses, and suprised them by buying their shoes for them. (i told them that they were to get their own shoes because i couldn't afford to. (what i really wanted, was for them to pick a pair that they were happy with and then i nipped in at the last minute and bought them.)

My point about my wee ramble there, is that your SIL2B actually sounds like my older sister (and one of my BM's) She was quite happy for me to spend money on her. Totaling at about £241 so far (per BM) and my sister will probably not even bother getting us a gift, and if she does, it won't be anything big or fancy. But she can afford to buy herself lots of fancy things. I take that to be just how she is. Not everyone is as generous as I am, but in the same breath, i dont' expect anyone to be either. I could get quite upset about it, but choose not to.

Sounds like me as well!

Some people were extremely generous to us & others not so much. We actually got more from some people who were not even invited to our evening do than we did from some of our guests. (ie £150 from one of my dads aunts who was not invited to anything & £50 for a family of 3 adults who attended our entire wedding).

I would not attend a wedding unless I could afford to pay for my meal & give the couple a present (ie we are going to a wedding next month where I know the meal, buffet costs £50 per head. We will be giving £200 for a present). I know you dont invite people to your wedding for presents, its a gift of the couples choosing etc but thats my belief & we both do by it.

We have not received anything from one of our groomsmen, who's son was also on the wedding. We paid for their suits, they were sailed around in a limo & all the children at our wedding got a present. His brother also did not get us anything & we invited his daughter as he has no partner. These are OH cousins. OH is devastated that someone so close to him, his family who he seen as older brothers have not got us anything. And we got their childrens presents to rub salt into the wound. And neither are they short of £ - the groomsman stayed over with his wife & children. A family room was £120.00. We dont belief his wife knows that we didnt get anything. The other cousin left straight after the meal to go out about the town. OH is very upset about this.

I dont think its very nice that you's are including his sister & her family in your day & they have got you a 'small' gift when, as you say, they have £.

My advice? It will be upsetting your OH more than you. Dont go on about it, just accept it. There are nowt as queer as folk & people have their own ideas on things which you are A) not responsible for & B) cannot control.

I know its hurtful but dont let it put a dampner on your wedding. x

I can understand why you would be upset with what she said, I think it was insensitive on her part. However if I was you, I would just try and forget it and move on. It's not worth thinking about too much, it will only drag you down. If she has bought you the toaster because she feels that is all that she can afford to spend, then that is her choice- getting upset won't help you in the long run. IF she has bought it because she is being nasty or mean, then clearly she has an issue- again not a lot of point getting upset. I think you sound as though you are a thoughtful person, perhaps your SIL is just not as nice!

So the toaster was on your gift list? i.e. you had already chosen this as an item you would like to receive ... and if your friends have already been 'embarassingly' kind maybe they have already snapped up the items within her budget (doesn't excuse spending so much on shoes in that case!) ... in that case it is kinda ungrateful to be peeved that she has bought a gift you had selected?

... sorry for playing devil's advocate here ... but if the above is true then perhaps you're reading too much into it?

Nothing wrong with a toaster though :p

Yes, the toaster is on our gift list and, I'll repeat again, it's not the toaster that's the problem - it's a lovely toaster! It's the laughter and the deliberate comment about her choosing it because she's tight.

There's a whole host of other reasons why I feel it's a deliberate snub which I won't bore you with. Suffice to say this is the daughter of the MIL who tried to bribe OH into making me sign a pre-nup in return for writing off their loan to him....

Oh and she was the second person to buy a gift...