To hen or not to hen...do?

I wasn't planning on having a hen do. My main reason was that I just didn't fancy a 'hen-do' type of hen do! But also the logistics didn't make sense, and that made a good excuse. I wasn't going to be in the UK till 2 weeks before the wedding and then I would be based with my mum, not close to any of my friends. And like you many of my close friends are from different groups and don't know each other, as well as different geographical areas. I felt that it was too much to organise and that I couldn't expect my friends to travel again so soon when they would already be travelling for the wedding.

A couple of people said that they thought I should do something, so I put it back on them, saying that it must be low key, but that if they wanted to plan something I'd do my best to get there (bearing in mind I had little time and no transport).

I ended up having a lovely meal and drinks with a small group of close friends and a mini spa afternoon - just a couple of hours for nails and shoulder massage - with close family. It was lovely and totally stress free.

I'm also dreading the thought of a hen do. I love going out, but generally with small groups of friends, going out with a large group of women is my idea of a nightmare. My problem is that I have lots of little groups of friends that I go out with separately. If I have a hen do there's going to be about 30 people coming on it, about 15 very close friends, and another 15 of friends that would be offended if they weren't invited. None of them will except that I don't really want one, so I've decided if I'm going to do it I'm doing it local. A few of the hotels near me do Motown/80s theme nights with a dinner and Dj after. The idea is if we go to this its not a load of messing around to get there, it will only be a one night thing, and I can go home when I've had enough. X

I don't want a hen do either, in fact I posted about this a couple of months ago. Despite all my protestations, I've got wind that there's one being organised for me which I'm not happy about. But, they do seem to have gone with the low key version - apparently we're going to a champagne bar and then for a meal and I think there'll only be about 15 of us. I'm going along with it to save arguments, however it's not what I want, I've said all along I don't want one and I really don't get why people think you have to have one.

I'm hoping that once we're out, it will be ok as I'm not too good at faking having a good time if I'm not enjoying myself, however I really don't want to appear ungrateful either. As long as there's no L Plates and willy headbands then I think it will be ok.

I'm not. I'm not really a very sociable person, and I don't have any sisters or many close female friends, so I don't see the point. That makes me sound like a right old grump, and maybe I am, but I don't mind

First time I got married, 25 years ago, hen do's weren't really all that big a deal. We just had a meal for the mums, sisters, and a couple of friends. Very low key, very unexciting, and to be honest, not much fun.

However, since then, although I don't want all the tack and expense that a lot of hen do's seem to go for, I would really like to have a nice time with some of those girls (ladies) who have been there for me and with me during the last few years, some of which have been quite difficult one way or another. It's as much my way of saying thank you to them, as for them to give me any sort of "send off". We're all busy, working full time, with kids of varying ages, and for whatever reason, we don't always see one another as often as we may have used to. So, even though they are all from different areas of my life, they are still all important to me, and we will be doing something together.

The list varies from my mum, daughter, and a couple of lifelong friends, to my hairdresser and nail technician who have probably heard more about my post-divorce dating disasters than is good for them, but who have in their own way been invaluable to my sanity over the last few years! All in all, there are about 20 people on my list - if half of them make it (MoH is expecting a baby the day after the hen do, so I don't expect her or her Mum to be there, for example!!), I will consider myself honoured.

MoH is doing the organising (takes her mind off swelling ankles and maternity bras), but she has asked me what I would like, and as I arranged her hen a couple of years ago, and stuck to her wishes, I do trust her and everyone else to arrange something that I will enjoy.

I didn't look forward to my first hen. I am certainly looking forward to this one, but it will be right for me. If I didn't want one, I wouldn't allow myself to be pushed into having one. It would be my worst nightmare, so I feel for those of you who feel press-ganged into doing something you don't want to do.

I'm not over keen on having the typical hen do, its just not me! I will be looking to do something low key and without all the tack that I really don't like. I sound really miserable now, but I don't see the point of doing something that you don't want its just a waste of money.

I haven't got anywhere near to organising my hen do, but when it comes it'll be low key doing the things that I love doing - probably a spa day followed by a meal. I've also accumulated friends from different walks of life so many won't know each other - but as I've found when going on hen dos in the past it's a nice way to get to know people before the wedding. It's always nice to have a few more people to say hello to and have a chat with on the actual day than you would have before the hen do.

I'm having quite a low key one (i think!). First plan was going to London for the afternoon and then a night out with over 30 of us. From the start, I wasn't completely on board. Felt like we were trying to plan it too much (i.e. with various day & evening activities) which I understood we needed to keep everyone together but felt forced.

At that point, I didn't want one. But, similar to what others have already said, I was keen to have a catch up with some of the girls as we don't see each other very often these days.

Instead, we've scaled it down to around 12 of us going to stay at a hotel in the country. We'll arrive in late afternoon for a natter, fizz and dip in the pool before dinner & a Take That tribute band Yep it's gonna be very cheesy but I'm more comfortable with that than spending the night in a bar which will either be rammed and no chance of a drink or empty and no soul!

In the summer, I went on a Sunday lunch hen do at a swanky hotel which was fab. Great to get dressed up (like a proper lady!) with no forced fun - just girlie chatter, good food & loads of bubbles xx

Dinner and a tribute band is ideal - everyone will know all the words, even if they think they won't, and you get to let your hair down a little if you want to without being forced into it!

I've entrusted my planning to others, which was quite hard to do, but I do trust them. I think. haha!!

I probably won't have a hen do in the traditional sense, as I like you don't really fancy it, plus I think they are a bit tacky if you go for all the blown up stuff and getting dressed up and absolutely bungalow'd!!

I will probably do a spa day with my (only) bridesmaid, but she is also my bestest and oldest friend. I will suggest a nice meal for me and my Mum, Nana and Aunties.

Then as my OH and I have A LOT of mutual friends I was going to suggest to him the idea of a 'Hag' do where our group of friends go for drinks or something together! We all had a blast in the summer going paintballing, might suggest something like this. Me and my OH aren't big drinkers and I know neither of us are keen to do the 'traditional' hen or stag do. I think if my OH went to a strip club or had a stripper, he wouldn't know what to do with himself lol

Don't feel pressured to do what others feel you should.. Do what you want to do and if that's nothing then do that

Thanks everyone for your responses...it's really nice to hear im not the only one not keen and your ideas are all fab! xx

I know you have said that having friends who don't know each other is a reason not to have a hen, but for me this is one of the reasons I am looking forward to mine so much! I think it will be fantastic for my friends to get to know each other a little before the wedding. You could do something as simple as a nice meal and leave it at that. But if you feel it's not something you want then that is absolutely your prerogative, it's your wedding.

Hi jennybob, I'm getting married in May 2015....I cannot bear the thought of a hen doo....I've never liked them and have been on a couple in my life which were fine but definitely not my bag ? I hate the way I feel constantly pressured into having things to do with my wedding because its traditional...stuff tradition! I'm not even having bridesmaids (more money for honeymoon!) I no doubt think I'll end up going out for a few drinks but that will be against my will!!!

And don't even mention a stripper!!!! I think I would vomit!!! ?

Yep, definitely not having one. It's just not the kind of thing I would enjoy. Drinks, dinner, spa, going out? Love it all but a hen do to me feels like forced enjoyment and I would just be constantly worried about people getting on and enjoying themselves in my honour! Plus I would feel bad asking people to spend money on it when they might be paying to come down to our wedding.

I think you can have a low key one - we went horse riding for my friends followed by a meal - it wasn't full on Hen do as thats not the type of person she is!

I'm having one but have absolutely no idea where or what we are doing - all being organised by the chief bridesmaid but she knows that I don't really do clubbing an that I'm outdoorsy so she is booking a cottage somewhere along with some activities.

I wasn't going to have one but because I'm eloping, I feel I have to in order to appease the friends that aren't coming. I'm thinking about using it as a good excuse to do something I wouldn't normally do. I was thinking tank driving for a giggle. Then probably just a low key meal and a few drinks. Definitely close to home as it means less travel for everyone and people can go when they've had enough =)

Whatever you decide, try not to get sucked into other people's expectations - just do what you want.

I wasn't going to have one but because I'm eloping, I feel I have to in order to appease the friends that aren't coming. I'm thinking about using it as a good excuse to do something I wouldn't normally do. I was thinking tank driving for a giggle. Then probably just a low key meal and a few drinks. Definitely close to home as it means less travel for everyone and people can go when they've had enough =)

Whatever you decide, try not to get sucked into other people's expectations - just do what you want.

I really don't want one. But bowed to the pressure of it as everyone was horrified and said i had to have one! Planning cocktail class, meal and drinks. I am dreading it. but it may actually turn out to be more low key now, which i'm really hoping for. The restaurant we were going to do 40% discount if you book before 5pm, they say they can fit us in at 3pm, which then means we probably won't bother with full on clubbing as people won't want to start drinking at 1pm then carry on until late. So plan is now class, early tea/late lunch, then cocktails and maybe head back to the apartment for girly night in. I'm hoping that will take the pressure off, still not looking forward to it though! I wish i had stood my ground and said no as then I wouldn't even have to think about it. Do what feels right for you and don't get pressured into it!