To invite,or not..help please

To be fair you cant not invite him if your inviting the other OH

put an usher or groomsman on bouncer duty and kick him out if he is lewd etc...

If my friend was with a guy who is that much of an idiot I'm not sure we would even be friends any more!

She probably will be miffed if you don't invite him, but if he is there I think you will be stressed about how he may behave - you don't really need to be dealing with that on your wedding day.

Maybe you could sound out her sister/parents, explain your concerns and see what they think?

Option A: sit your bm down and explain you're worried about him kicking off after he's drunk. If this happens, explain you are going to ask him to leave (someone else can do the asking for you). Only you know how you'll bm will take it. She might understand and know what he can be like or she might get defensive.

Option B: don't say anything to her and just instruct someone to kick him out if he starts off.

If you are inviting the other BMs OH then I think you have to invite him, as much as it's not a great idea.

I have a friend like this, lovely girl when you get her by herself but when out in a crowd acts like a dick, causes a scene to be centre of attention, give her a drink and she turns into an aggressive psycho. (I do like her, honest, I just don't like her when she's had a drink).

I'm inviting her to our wedding because at the end of the day she is our friend and I want her to share it with us. However, I have instructed our close mutual friends to deal with her if she causes a scene and they have assured me that it won't need to be me who kicks her arse, they will do it before I even realise she's playing up. I'm hoping that it won't be necessary and she will be on her best behaviour because of the occasion so no dramas will occur.

Could you possibly have a similar discreet chat with someone you trust who can monitor the situation and intervene before anything gets out of hand and gets back to you, then don't have to spend your day worrying about it and won't even be aware of any goings on?

This. My sisters partner can be a dick. The best man and my uncles were prepped to throw him ur if he played up. As it was he behaved impeccably and was the perfect guest. Maybe (hopefully) this man will improve too.

If I was your BM I would leave the goon in the house even if he was invited. Wishful thinking but that might happen and you might not have to worry, you'd think she wouldn't want the embarrassment of him making a show of himself.

I think you should make it clear that if there's any nonsense from him he'll be out the door quickly before there's any trouble, ask someone to keep an eye on him and tell yu if he's acting up so you don't have the worry of watching him all night on your own wedding day.

Thanks everyone! I think the best solution is ,as a few of you have suggested, to appoint someone to be on douche watch and have him swiftly ejected before it even goes noticed by me if the need arises. I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is going to behave but he has let us down at special occasions numerous times. I don't want to upset her so this seems fairest, that way if he does get removed - she will see why.

I could have written this ^ my sisters partner ruined my 21st, my mums graduation, many an Xmas day and even our engagement party. I'm amazed he behaved on our we day but he was good as gold. It can happen.

Chances are, she knows what he's like, even if she doesn't mention it. Maybe have a word with her when you're alone. If you don't want to offend her and be confrontational, just explain politely that anyone that is inappropriate will be asked to leave. Most people there will probably more than happy to diffuse the situation for you before you even notice (I have a couple of people that are coming that sound similar to your bridesmaid's OH and everyone as said that they will be more than happy to deal with them). Hopefully you'll be in such a happy bubble, you won't notice!

Surely, that's WHY you's be even more of a friend? I have friends who's partners I think are dicks - not my place to judge that though. I'd rather support my mate, whether I agree with their choice of partner or not. If he's a massive dick, chances are she'll need you more!

In reply to the OP, I think you *should* probably invite him to seem fair - IF you want to seem fair.
However, we *ummed and ahhed* over our invites list for many months (as, no doubt, everyone does!) and eventually, we didn't invite over 40 of my family members, because I don't like them, they are embarrassing and I haven't had much to do with most of them for more than 10 years. It caused massive problems within my family. It was a big decision not to invite certain people - there were about 220 people on our original guestlist of *should-invites* and we got it down to about 145 of our most essential people. In the end, we decided to only invite people we loved dearly and not those we *should* invite (with the exception of people who didn't know many people - then we invited a plus one) - I'm glad we did it this way, it made the atmosphere amazing. Everyone there loved us, we loved everyone there - it was a room just bursting with love and happiness, and it was terrific.

So I'm not sure in this situation, but ultimately, you are paying for that day. I guess it's balancing out the feelings of him being a dickhead with your feelings for how hurt your friend would be.... sorry, not at all helpful! Good luck!

Surely, that's WHY you's be even more of a friend? I have friends who's partners I think are dicks - not my place to judge that though. I'd rather support my mate, whether I agree with their choice of partner or not. If he's a massive dick, chances are she'll need you more!

In reply to the OP, I think you *should* probably invite him to seem fair - IF you want to seem fair.
However, we *ummed and ahhed* over our invites list for many months (as, no doubt, everyone does!) and eventually, we didn't invite over 40 of my family members, because I don't like them, they are embarrassing and I haven't had much to do with most of them for more than 10 years. It caused massive problems within my family. It was a big decision not to invite certain people - there were about 220 people on our original guestlist of *should-invites* and we got it down to about 145 of our most essential people. In the end, we decided to only invite people we loved dearly and not those we *should* invite (with the exception of people who didn't know many people - then we invited a plus one) - I'm glad we did it this way, it made the atmosphere amazing. Everyone there loved us, we loved everyone there - it was a room just bursting with love and happiness, and it was terrific.

So I'm not sure in this situation, but ultimately, you are paying for that day. I guess it's balancing out the feelings of him being a dickhead with your feelings for how hurt your friend would be.... sorry, not at all helpful! Good luck!

I would just leave it to the best man, that's traditionally one of his roles I believe ? Eject any douches before the bride or groom even notice there's anything untoward.

I wouldn't mention it to her, she knows how he is I'm quite sure.

We'll i had a bit of exciting news!!!!! BM's OH might not be able to come as he will have his daughter that weekend other BM told me...she knows I would rather not have him there. She said BM was worried I'd be annoyed if he couldn't come...hahahahaha

Hi,

I agree with quite a few posts. Make it clear that any nonsense and he'll be thrown out.

If your BM doesn't like it then she's no friend.

X