to wash or not to wash?

Welcome to Hitched ?

I have never understood the concept of 'special underwear for the wedding', it sounds like some sort of bizarre cult initiation ritual.

Serious???? Its the first boink as husband and wife! of course you want it to be special!! My big sis is taking me shopping on the weekend for something.

Don't wear before... Take a spare pair with you on the day if you are worried!

Go commando...

You can pretty much tell from just putting them on whether they are going to be uncomfortable or not. I tried my bra on in the shop and it felt very comfortable so I bought it and wore it for the first time on the day. The knickers.. i tried on at home.. they were also comfortable. I didn't have to wash them as I'd only tried them on so they just went straight in my readily-packed overnight bag alongside my new bra ready for the big day!

Maybe I missed the memo but I thought people usually took their underwear off for sex. Also, you won't see it with the lights off anyway. That's even assuming that after such a long and busy day you even have enough energy to even think about that rather than just collapsing into bed.

You could always take the labels out anyway just in case

who said the lights will be off Aj ?

Believe me there will be a reserve of energy kept by the groom, there always is!!

Most of my underwear is everyday functional stuff (odd bit of sexy stuff but mainly in dark colours and has straps) and I guess I'm doing it as part of the wedding day ritual of wanting to look and feel good.

Its a bit like starting any other day off with a shower, clean hair and clean clothes, you always feel better and walk a little taller.

I thought that was enshrined in law?

Anyway, I have to be careful at my age.

There's my girl!

Not everyone does it with the lights off !

I was actually toying with the idea of changing into something extra special at the end of the night after getting out of my dress and wearing more comfortable undies through out the day but I understand it may not go as planned ?

Not all underwear AJ. ?

I am planning on this. Have bought a really nice negligee which will be in my overnight bag, ready to change into.... although it may well go unused!

I wore my normal every day knickers during the day for comfort and I was planning on changing afterwards but by the time we got to our room we couldn't be arsed so we laid in bed and read our guest book. I have to read before I go to sleep and didn't take a book...

Thanks for all suggestions, thinking I'm going to wear the wedding ones on the day and take a spare set just in case.

I'd already decided that I wasn't going to wear the stockings, suspenders and garter, but that I would do some 'posed' shots in the morning for the photo album.

@Kochanski I did try the knickers on under the dress quickly to make sure they weren't visible but didn't have them on long enough to worry about washing them. And you will have a a lot more random conversations before the big day...if you're squemish then be sure to pick a dress that will fit in a cubicle and that you don't need to have a bridesmaid help you while you do your business. You will be asked for your opinion on things you never knew mattered until someone says "you're the bride it's your choice". Remember to have fun and not to be too fixed on your ideas as you'll end up chasing the 'perfect' colour ribbon for the favours boxes and loose sight of the bigger picture.

I didn't even think about this! With a big dress going commando if they rub probably won't be a big deal anyway...it was such a hassle whipping them off, straddling the loo to pee (the wife has a hilarious photo of this on her phone from the big day) then getting them back on again with killer heels and a heavy dress that I can't believe I didn't think of not wearing them at all, though the wife really appreciated the nice set when we got upstairs. Lights off would have been a waste after the dieting, preening and nice undies!

This is odd... I had to wear mine before as I needed it for the dress fitting... so then I had to wash it. I am not wearing pre-worn, unwashed pants and bra on my wedding day. Luckily my OH pays no attention to the washing.

Yes it will still be special as I will be wearing it for the first time for the whole day.

Must say also, I never wear pants straight out of the box, I always wash them first! OCD!

Flora, you've said that before- why aren't you together on your wedding night?

All the dress shops I went to suggested comfortable, smooth pants (and no bra if boned dress). I will get a new pair of pale coloured comfortable pants (due to a distinct lack of pale pants I like in my drawer) and if i have the budged, splash out on nice undies for the honeymoon. Lace etc is more likely to show..

But we've got the rest of our lives for that sort of thing so why force it "just because it's expected" if neither of you are really feeling like you want iton that night, and then making a half hearted fumble of your 'first time' that is actually really not very good or special for either of you?

Why not wait till the next morning or the next evening, when you've recharged your batteries a bit, relaxed etc and are more likely to make a better job of it?

There's a lot more to getting married than having sex, you know.

I wasn't having a dig at you. No need to get sensitive and defensive.

Aj, i can kind of see your point about waiting till the next morning. We frequently put off sex when we're tired.

Also though I can see annie's point about making the effort.

Anyway, yes I would wash the knickers. Washed knickers are comfier anyway, and plus you never know who might have tried them on in the shop before you!

Do this, it's what I did - once H reminded me I had something else to change into anyway!

I guess I don't see "doing without sex" if it's a mutual decision as being a bad thing, and if I'm thinking "oh dear, it's been nearly 3 days now, we'd better get it on" then to me that totally defeats the object. It should be something that happens when you both want it, rather than feeling you need to, if that makes sense?

I know when you're 'ttc' (as I believe the term is) frequency is increased but otherwise surely sex is created for pleasure, and I guess from a guy's point of view there is often the pressure to "perform", and stressing about it makes it harder to 'get it up'.

Just try it on for like 20 mins.. If its comfy it will be comfy on the day, whenever I cut labels out it leaves an extra itchy bit anyway! I'm actually wearing Spanx on the day and the matching sexy knickers are getting slipped on when I change out of my dress. well thats the plan anyway!

You're a very unusual man Aj. Its quite refreshing in some ways. Although i have to say i think its important to make the effort. Its proven that the more you do it the more you want it so if you're in a rut and neither of you feels able to break it then sometimes you need to JFDI. Having been in that position myself in the past. But also sometimes i feel like we should do it, like when i'm going away back to uni or he's off away for work for a few days. Invariably though we don't bother because if we feel we should do it but don't actually want it then thats not necessarily right either.

Sex is so complicated! Well obviously not actual sex... <walks away whistling having made fool of self>

Try it on over a teeny tiny thong...so if it is itchy/digs you'll know but it wont be dirtied?

Unusual is a kind way of putting it I guess that, like many things, you decide what is important and what is not, in your life and manage accordingly. We rarely go to the cinema, for example, so when we do it's more of a treat than if we went twice a week just because it was something to do, or something we felt we should be doing. That analogy kinda translates well to sex.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we're getting married for many reasons (like most people) and frequent sex is not something that is particularly high on our list of "must haves" at this stage. Of course, that may well change the other side of 17th September - but we certainly aren't thinking we will have to be at it 3 times a day every day simply because that's what newlyweds are *meant* to do.

I know that there are bound to be times when one of us feels "in the mood" and the other doesn't, and that's where compromise comes into it, I guess?

AJ, you seem VERY focused, and stressed by, the expectations of society and doing your best to avoid conforming to them!!

I agree with whoever said sometimes, during a dry spell, you just have to DO it!

... presumably, with lube? I thought dry was painful?