Top Table Help

Hi I'm in the same kind of position to you. I lost my dad and my mum has a new partner. He will not be on the top table. 1. It would just feel wierd 2.out of respect for my dad. 3. Like you said the don't deserve it. ( and not in a bitter spitfull way)

i am having my mum, maid of honor, my partners mum, dad and best man. I don't want to fill the table up because there is a spare seat or it looks uneven etc. they just won't be "worthy" enough to sit there.

i just think I would feel guilty for my dad, like someone else is sitting in his seat.

could your OH just have a chat with him. Explain that you would love her to be on there but we would like to honor mum by leaving her space empty on the top table as a subtle way to remember her?

i am very lucky that I can talk to my mums boyfriend. I said to him

it would just be to strange for you to be sitting there when it should be my dad. He understood completely.

i hope you manage to get it sorted out :-)

This is one of the reasons we aren't having a top table! If you don't want your OH's dad's partner on top table and your OH's dad won't sit without her, you'll have to not have the dad there too. Or don't have a top table.

Jesikab4u - yey someone who understands!! I just don't like his dad is saying he will only sit with her. If we spoke directly to her I don't think she would have an issue with it and would be happy say elsewhere! I just am not appreciating his dads attitude in any way. As I pointed out to my OH - we were split up for his sisters wedding, and did I have a problem with it? No not at all! I feel it is a bit immature on his dads part. She is a grown woman and is not Ethan capable of sitting without him. Hopefully it will work out!

Woops, that was supposed to say perfectly capable of sitting apart from him!!

I know where you are coming from with this one, as its already gone through my head with over 2 years to go. I lost my mum nearly 2 years ago and I don't want anyone sat in her seat either, it just wouldn't feel right at all. I had thought about putting a candle in the middle of the top table flowers in her memory so that it can be lit during the speeches. In a kind of way, she's still on the top table.

I've already had some conversations about it, so hopefully wont be an issue. I'd try and have a chat first see what feedback you get like Jesika said. xx

Traditionally, your Best Man would be at the top table regardless of whether your FFIL's partner is there.

Does your FIL realise that he'd be sitting apart from her anyway? The traditional layout is

Best Man, MoG, FoB, B, G, MoB, FoG, Chief Bridesmaid/MoH

Stick to your guns. It's your day. If you think that she'd be more open to the idea, could you give her a ring and speak to her directly. Explain that it's nothing against her, and you are very much looking forward to seeing her on the day, but that your OH would like to honour his mother's memory this way as she can't be at the wedding in person. Maybe she can knock some sense into him.

If your FFIL won't budge, could you maybe have a sweetheart table for you two or some alternative layout? My FMIL is very shy and my FFIL doesn't speak much English, so we're going for a round table so that they can be seated next to each other and my OH or maybe having a sweetheart table and seating everybody else with their respective family/friends.

I completely understand people's reasons for not having new partners sat at the top table 'in place' of lost parents but just to look at it from another view, perhaps your FFIL is so adamant because this is a day where he is going to be thinking about how it should have been shared with his wife, that must be difficult and perhaps he knows he'll need someone to lean on?

Thank you for all your replies! I am not sure whether to talk to her directly as I don't know how the FFIL would take it :s I am sure she would be completely understanding so I am not sure why he has such an issue with it. The is the last of his children to get married - he has already given away two daughters. My H2B is his last child to get married. Unfortunately there isn't any other way to have the table. We have to have a straight top table because of the number of people who will be there. And the maximum it can fit is 6. Hopefully it will work out :s at the end of the day we can't force him to sit with us if he really doesn't want too. So I guess we will just have to let him know exactly what the reasons are and that there are limited places and we would like him to be on the table, but if he is adamant that he won't I guess he will have to sit else where :s

We have a similar situation, OH's lost his Mum 2 years ago and his Step-Dad has a 'friend' he is bringing to the wedding. We have never met her and our Top Table only seats 6, we decided to have us 2, my parents, MOH and BM on top table and asked Step-Dad to host his own table which will mostly include Aunts & Uncles etc and his friend.

Oh, without a doubt have the best man on the top table anyway. I couldn't see that working any other way. I think even if you did have room for both the best man and your OH's dads new lady, I wouldn't think she would have a place on the top table anyway. Top table is for very nearest and dearest people to you both.

We're having 8 people on our top table, including me and my OH, his parents, my parents, the best man and people were telling me your meant to have either the maid of honour or the best man's partner on the top table but I don't have a maid of honour and I don't want the best man's partner on the top table as I've only met her once so am having my sister instead.