Top Table Tribulations

I would do the same in that situation, I've heard a few times of key family members hosting their own tables. It might be nice for you to be able to sit with people your own age anyway?

Its your wedding, do what you like!

Although is there any reason that both sets of parents cant sit at the top table? Isnt that the norm? Does your dad not want to or you not want him to sit there?

Besides that, what you suggest is fine!

Hi,

Have you considered having the sweetheart table? just a table for the two of you? and then you can seat everyone else accordingly? This is what i am planning to do at mine, ? xx xx

We're the opposite in that it's the only 'traditional' thing about our wedding as it's the best way to keep certain people apart! Instead we are having BM 1 + partner, BM 2 + husband, best man + partner and brother and SIL heading up the other tables. Had things got too hairy we would have done it your way though and left them to fight it out amongst themselves :-) Personally I think you'll have much more fun during the wedding breakfast being beside your friends!

I'm doing just that, but this is born of my parents being divorced and not on speaking terms. Our set-up will be:

usher - usher - best man - groom - bride - maid of honour - bridesmaid - bridesmaid

Our table layout has 3 8-seat tables jutting out from the head table itself, so on the far left is a table with the 3rd usher's wife and close aunts/uncles, on the table jutting out from the middle are OH's parents and my mum and step dad and a couple aunts and uncles, and on my far side will be my sister (3rd bm)'s husband and the rest of our siblings and their spouses. Then there will be 4 other 8-seat tables in the corners of the room for cousins, friends, and my father somewhere far away

I've been to a few weddings were parents aren't on top table.

My Mother & Father won't be either. Along with groom, our son and I , best manand maybe our 2 bridesmaids , my partner's Mother and my nan will be though (she's giving me away and may do a little speech if she wishes). I don't think anyone will raise an eyebrow for it. There's no such thing as a 'normal' family set up anymore from what I can see!

My top table will be bride and groom, our son and 2 daughters, my mum and dad and OHs mum (his dad passed away a few years ago) Our children will be 6, 4 and 1 when we get married and i dont want them away on a separate table. Best man and bridesmaids will be on a separate table together with my brother and nan.

I went to one wedding where the bride sat JUST her MIL on another tabel and everyone else (family, BM's etc) were all on the top table. Few eyebrows were raised over that one but I guess it shows that anything goes...!

We're not having a traditional top table. OHs parents are divorced and both in new long term relationships and I don't want their OHs having to sit on their own at a different table and likewise for the bestman/maid of honours OHs so we're having me, OH, bestman + OH, maid of honour + OH as a top table (round, facing the room) and then each set of parents hosting a table.

I think what you propose is a lovely idea and would work really well. You could ask your maid of honour to do a speech like the Best Man will?!

I am dreading our top table...OH's father is a bit of a pain as he doesn't really know how to speak to women (hence his divorce to OH's mum!) and I am a little concerned about him sitting next to my mum and him being rude to her. OH's parents don't talk so I can't place him next to OH's mum and I don't want him sitting next to me either so apart from sitting him outside in the car park (my first choice), it looks like he will have to sit next to my poor mum! UNLESS any of you wonderful peeps have any other suggestions??

Our Top Table would be:

OH's Dad ** My Mum ** OH ** Me ** My Dad ** OH's Mum

Only got my sister and neice as bridesmaid/flower girl and they are gonna sit with Bro and Bro in Law on their own table with BM and his family.

x

I was 45 when I git married. My sons gave me away, dad didn't do a speech and we didn't have a top table due to both sets of parents being divorced.

We had round tables on our table we had me, OH, my 2 best friends and their partners and OH's 2 best mates and their partners, , ,

SORTED!!

We're not having a top table - on "our round table" we will have Bride & Groom, our children (my daughter - CBM, my son - giving me away, his son - "best man"/holding the rings) but no sure who else. I do NOT want my mother anywhere near me! May have my sister and my neices who are the little bridesmaids but not really sure yet.

I like the idea of key family members "hosting a table" and will certainly use that as an excuse if my mother questions why she is at the opposite end of the room ;-)

I don't think we are having a traditional top table!? - I initially wanted a sweetheart table but we wanted our (4 year old) daughter with us on top table.

My first go at table plan and our top table looks like this:

my dad best man groom bride bridesmaid fg (our daughter) my mam

OH's dad is sadly no longer with us and his mum will be at the church to see us get married and then taken back to the home where she lives. She's an ex-alcoholic who now has dementia and OH does not want the responsibility of her on his wedding day and he thinks she will just create if she's not allowed a drink. - his decision really but does make me a bit sad for him.

I don't think it will matter to be honest, most people I know don't actually notice that much who is at the top table anyway. At least that's how I've seen at the weddings I've been to

I'm doing it:

FIL-MIL-U-U-BM-OH-me-MOH-BM-BM-Mum-Brother

Quite big but i dont want my mum on another table as i wont have much family there, i'm not doing the traditional one of each family etc as i want people to be comfortable.

Sx

gracefly...OH's dad WILL NEVER speak to OH's mum again and she has said that she wont come if it would help! TBH, they are both as bad as each other and it angers me that they can't be adult for their youngest son's special day and put all their differences aside and be civil to each other. OH's father thought it was funny to be rude about my then curvy figure. I left his house in tears. I am worried he would be rude like that to my mum. OH has spoken to him but it goes in one ear and out the other. He has no social skills whatsoever. My parents on the other hand are polite and welcoming, funny and kind.

Families eh....! ?

xx

Thank you people.. Some of your comments have made me laugh, inappropriately probably, especially about your Mums..

It seems so sad that we have to take so much into consideration on our special days when it comes to sparring families but such is life. We can add 'diplomats' to our long lists of employment on our Wedding CV's..

It's interesting how most of us seem to want to emulate the traditional by having a top-table of sorts, even if it is by varying the line-up.

Thanks again.

Bee xx

No, he doesn't want to be on the top-table, he doesn't want to play any role other than to be there as a guest.

As I mentioned, he gave me away once before nearly 20 years ago, although this was a small intimate civil wedding with only 18 people. He feels that it is inappropriate to go through it all again. Again, as I said, I understand that. I was just curious to know how many other couples are having variations on the traditional top-table line-up.

Lol, I'd get him a tray and tell him to go eat in his car! Hahaha. OH wants a top table...I was happy just to have all round tables but this is what he wants and I've had my way on most things. This is one of my most stressful parts...his dad! I'm panicking soooo much that he is going to ruin our day. OH said he will have lots of chats with him about his behaviour etc but I think it wont work. Hey ho!

x

Ours were like that first time round to the point where I was taken to one side and told who could and couldn't go etc Really riled me as it wasn't my place to deal with it, I was shocked that anyone would be so blinking rude and OH had buried his head in the sand so wouldn't say anything about how it shouldn't have been done. I don't know if he mentioned that it was one of the reasons I went off my head and cancelled but this time I was firm about what would happen if it started again and so far they have been really good! When we first said there was a bit of stress (didn't look happy that we were getting married TBH) but it calmed down to the point they will now stand beside each other at the ceremony. sit at the top table (but opposite ends) and we're even arranging a coffee a few weeks before so the initial pain is over with before the big day. No one is looking forward to that but will hopefully keep everything calm for Aug and I got mega brownie points for coming up with such an understanding solution aimed at helping everyone ;-)

Not suggesting you do anything as drastic as I did but maybe some alternative ideas might be worth a shot and if not, well they can learn to live with it, it's only a few hours and they can keep away from each other for a few hours surely?!

OK folks.. Following on..

My next question then.. does your H2B mention in his speech your parents if they haven't contributed at all, or indeed if your father has not given you away etc.. Taking into consideration what I have said before about my dad's views...

??!!

Bee x

As my OH's mum past away quite recently were not hav ing parents on the top table as we felt it would emphasise the fact that his mum isn't there. So as my partner has 3 older children (22,18,16) and we have two children together (4,2) were having them on the top table with us.