Traditional vs non traditional

Sod her!! If you're happy then let her lump it. I have a 'difficult' MIL2B, and you need to stick to your guns now or you'll make it harder for yourself further down the line. I think everything you've described all sounds lovely, especially your brother playing guitar for you!! Amazing!

My OH picked his best mate to be his best man. He doesn't have a brother though, and to be honest he only has one friend really so was a pretty easy decision!

Its not your MIL2B's wedding is it it's yours ... Maybe a bit harsh but if she wants it a certain way then she should have another wedding herself.

Don't feel pressured to change a thing at all it's YOUR day and you should have it how you want .. My OH is going to have his BF as him and his brother hardly see eachother and I'm having my son walk me down the ailse instead of my dad yet both will be at the wedding.... I'm sure we'll have a few things said about us but I dont care selfishly it's my day they have all had theirs

Sorry to hear about the fight... family fights are never nice.

When I started reading I thought you were going to say you'd gone REALLY non-traditional... like wearing a black dress, or... I don't even know what, but (as you said) it's all the little things! It sounds to me like your MIL2B maybe feels like her side of the family are being "pushed out" a little... although 'traditionally', of course, the BRIDE's parents paid for it all and invited THEIR guests so if we're going to talk about tradition, she'd have had even less of a say iyswim!

You can have who you like as bridesmaids, and your OH can have who likes as best man. I don't think either of those things are "fair game" for your MIL2B to say anything about. I can perhaps understand her getting a bit upset that her nephews and nieces won't be coming, and it may be the "picking and choosing" element she doesn't like. I love all my cousins but I know my mum would be dreadfully upset if I were to cherry-pick some to invite over the others. However, I obviously don't know the story in your case. As it is your wedding, of course you must invite who you like but I would maybe suggest thinking about inviting them to avoid a family feud? As I say, I don't know the backstory, but I can understand your MIL2B's reluctance for you and your OH to "cherry-pick" from amongst her family. I can also see your point of view that you don't want to pay for people you don't like... I can see both sides really! Difficult one!

My H2B has picked his best friend as best man, instead of his brother, and I think his brother is actually a little relieved. We have asked him (and my brother) to be witnesses instead, and we are hiring them matching suits so they still feel "important". Might something similar help to make your MIL2B feel better about it?

I hope you manage to come to a solution you are happy with, it is YOUR wedding at the end of the day BUT I'm sure you don't want to make your MIL2B too unhappy either... if there is a compromise to be had, work towards it... if there isn't, then you must have what you want as it is your day.

As harsh as this sounds my response to your MIL2B would be 'Tough'!!

I was actually only thinking today on the drive to work about where all these wedding traditions come from.

My OH has picked our best mate as his best man and his brother will be an usher. I am having a my kinda cousin and my OH's cousin as bridesmaids and they will walk up ahead of me. I'm walking down the aisle to Dire straites 'romeo and juliette' (very jealous that you have your brother playing guitar!). No top table for us either - 6 round tables with us on the centre one but not having the traditional people on it. We're only inviting people who have been a positive part of our lives and who will continue to be so in our future.

I totally agree with not paying for people to be there, who you dont really need or want there.

It's your wedding and you do it the way you want with who you want!

Deb.X

It is so important that your wedding is how you want it and it reflects you and your OH. I've done a few weddings where the bride has reluctantly given in to family pressure....and regretted it. Stick to your guns and have it your way me dear.

I've had loads of problems with people criticising OH and I for not following tradition with our wedding - even though, generally, the day will be quite traditional. Some people wouldn't even believe me when I said that I didn't have an engagement ring because I didn't want one - because all girls love diamond rings so it must be that my OH is too cheap to buy me one, etc.

I agree that she is probably feeling like her family are being pushed out of the wedding and might be getting a little protective over that. Maybe that is why she is picking on tiny points which don't make much difference?

When OH picked his best man he simply looked at the men closest to him and chose the one who he thought was best for the job. I'm really happy with his choice because his best man is sweet, fun, supportive and has been hunting out wedding bargains for us ever since he got the bm job. OH does have a brother but he lives in a different country and wouldn't be able to offer the same level of support to us.

Well we have three kids already so bang goes that "tradition". I am doing what WE want rather than anyone else,not that i have had a hard time but some folk can't help but comment.

I am having Thursday wedding/black bridesmaid dresses and my OH is having two best men..neither of which are his brother.

Sod them and stick to what you want to do.

My MIL2B pitched a fit when we told her we might not do rings (I don't have an engagement ring either), that we aren't doing the traditional cake and, most explosively, that I'm not changing my name. That conversation went on for hours. Have never had even a single cross word with her before so it was a bit surprising. You choose who you want as bridesmaids, your boy chooses his best man. She'll get over it