Traditional vs Unique

I really sympathise, I'm not married but I've chatted with my mum about things I know I definitely wouldn't have and she usually looks appalled lol She's very traditional and I definitely think my family would find some of my choices weird. My plan is to just explain to her that this is how we wanted it and I hope that she can still enjoy the planning and actual day. My mind set is that if they love you, even if they find it a bit weird they'll just try and see the good fun in it and support you.

So in short my answer is do whatever you want, nothing is worse than a kind of half and half where your heart isn't in it, you won't feel comfortable and they won't feel comfortable either, so I'd commit to unique or trad and run with it.

Your wedding should reflect the two of you as a couple. Be brave, do what makes you happy!

I find that if you explain your choices, people understand. My mum was incredibly shocked when I said I wanted a pork pie wedding cake but when I explained my reasons, she came round and now thinks it's a brilliant idea.

No one wants a boring cookie cutter wedding. All weddings should have personal touches and, most importantly, should reflect the happy couple's personalities!

I think that you should keep the wedding true to you and your partner. You can always delegate tasks to keep family involved... They will get swept into the excitement and I am sure that you will win them over - with your own style!!! Good luck!

Go with whatever makes it special for you!

Both of us have been married before and had tradional weddings to try and people please. This time it is going to be just about what we want. We are getting married in a gothic council chamber, I am wearing a black pagan dress, and the wedding breakfast is at Pizza Express! It will be so personal and true to us.

Go nuts! Do what you want and stick to your guns. Its hard trying to please everyone and damright impossible. By doing so you tend to lose anyway and have no confidence in your decisions so do what feels right to you.

Do whatever makes you happy.

You're far more likely to look back & say you wish you did your wedding your way than look back and wish you'd done it you family's way.

First lesson of wedding planning-

You can not please everyone so don't bother trying, your day your way!

Although the above becomes slightly more complicated if parents are contributing to the wedding.

Agree 100% our parents both wanted to contribute and so instead of taking money we (us and parents together) allocated what they could pay for/contribute too- in our case it was flowers, cake, transport and band- none of which any parents had very strong feelings about. We got married in a church VERY special to me and my family and then a pub that was lovely but chose out of convenience as much as anything else!

congratulations on your engagement

How about some sort of outrageous wedding ceremony that fits your genre followed by a blessing in a church or similar to make your family happy.....sorts both sides and keeps everyone happy........I have worked on weddings like this more times than I can recall......

Peter

What funky has said is so very true. I think I'm having a fairly standard traditional wedding but some of the reactions we've got when we've said we are or aren't having on the day have been ridiculous. If you can pay for it yourselves, then do as this definitely helps in being able to do it exactly as you wish. For big things you think might upset people on the day, tell them way in advance,explain your reasons then stick to it. For smaller details just don't tell anyone and wait for them to see it on the day, they're much less likely to complain if they don't like it but seeing it in the context of the day will probably mean they like it much more!

You sound just like me - I think the only normal thing we're having is my wedding dress! I read offbeatbride and rockmywedding a lot, and will be DIYing a lot myself. I started as I meant to go on with a non-engagement engagement ring to set the tone with our friends and family - tasteful but very unique and a BRIGHT colour scheme!

We're having a registry office legal bit 2 days before our wedding with just our parents (so I'll be in 50s rockabilly dress/hair/crazy petticoat as per the norm) and 2 days later the blessing/ceremony will be a bit more normal but still completely wacky. We're fun, silly people and it would be very unlike us to have the hotel/the meal package etc. FH's parents are giving us a huge amount of money for the wedding as a gift but we made sure they knew they didn't have a say in how it would be spent. My mum hates the idea of me having a paper and lollipop bouquet but quite frankly it's our wedding not hers so I'll do what I like thank you very much Mum She was disappointed with me not wanting to hold the ceremony in a church but again, it's not very 'us' and that's that. Thankfully we only have one grandparent between us and she expects the crazy to happen!

As much a I can appreciate our friends' more traditional weddings before us, I dislike stuffy formality and the whole 'fairytale wedding' vibe, and refuse to start going to church just so I can have a nice set of photos - we're even bucking the trend on photography. FH's family are religious but understand the generation gap. I hate the thought of someone giving me money and using emotional blackmail to say 'well I'm paying for it so you have to have X and Y'. We've also hired non-traditional reception venue and saved £4000 compared to the favourite 'real wedding venue' that we liked...so we've got more of a budget for crazy finishing touches.

I guess to find the balance, you need to ensure your family knows what to expect and it depends what it is - if they're paying for it, try to talk them round about the fact it's your day and they shouldn't have a say in what they 'expect' of you to come up with. Best of luck!

Thanks everyone for the advice, we've decided we're just going to go with what we want. I want it to be memorable, but for the right reasons! I'm sure our friends and family appreciate we aren't a cookie cutter couple.

You only get to do this once so no point pandering to others I suppose!

Thanks again!

Exactly! Good for you!