Trouble finding suitable venue - Surrey

I was about to recommend where we got married (in Surrey) until you mentioned you didn't want a sit down meal! To be honest, I didn't research any places that you are looking for (we wanted everything in one venue, a 3 course meal, etc) but it sounds to me like you're after somewhere to just hire for the day, rather than use their services i.e. food, drink, waiting staff, etc. Have you looked at hiring a barn? Some may have accommodation attached, but to be honest I very much doubt you'll find somewhere that will cater for all your guests. How about if there's a hotel down the road, or somewhere like a Premier Inn? Robert Denholm House in Nutfield looks like a "blank canvas" venue, but there is no accommodation available - there are a couple of places close by to stay though. Perhaps you need to widen your search to look for places that just offer venue hire, they could be in the guise of any quirky venue you could imagine!

In all hinesty I doubt you will find somewhere that will allow you to use your own caterer whilst having on site accomodation as your looking at hotels I presume? If you want to diy then have you looked at village halls? Or have you enquired if they do buffet selection instead of formal sit down or maybe hog roast? The other option is drop accomodation and look at barn venues as they often allow outside caterers?

I would look through the suppliers on here, that's how we found ours (also Surrey)

Our rector told us that his daughter was having a marquee reception on the church grounds, and offered this as a suggestion to us, if you have chosen your church - this could be an option for the food wise, but I doubt there's a hotel opposite.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, you just want something different - but do spend an hour or two on here with the venues, and google. You may looking at it from the wrong end, have you tried looking at accommodation places, then to see if there's a village hall next to a hotel, or like above a barn.

Also wedding fayres, go later in the day, and I personally hate them, but they do have reps from venues in the area, you can have 6 casual conversations and they may not do it, but know someone who does.

Wasing park in Berkshire has loads of accommodation AND a church on site, and is generally really lovely, but you do have to use their caterers! :/ The catering company is super flexible though and can offer a buffet if you prefer over a sit down meal. Or even afternoon tea! I really liked this venue but a bit out of my budget! They actually offered some garden games and bits too I think, they have bucket loads of space too.

(Everything to the right of the Coach house is accommodation!)

I saw around 5 venues in Berkshire/Hampshire/Surrey and most of them wanted us to use their caterer. There was one that didn't, they had a choice of 5/6 caterers I think - Gate Street Barn in Surrey https://www.gatestreet.co.uk/weddings/ - but no accommodation.

One more that had lovely grounds and I thought was more flexible on catering was The Barn at Bury court, but no accommodation :/

If I were you, I'd have a word with any venues you like that have the accommodation & space and see what the caterers can do. With my venue, the caterers can offer a buffet menu called 'Casual dining' if we didn't want a sit down meal. They could also serve any meal that I chose, if wanted. I think you'll probably have to be flexible with either the accommodation or the catering as it seems not many wedding venues will offer both. But, I've only looked at barns & castles so maybe hotels/country manors might be more accommodating? (And will most likely have rooms too?!)

Thanks for the replies guys - some of the venues you've mentioned are beautiful, thanks for that

I had looked at buffet options offered by the caterers of some of the venues that we had looked at, but they were generally a) mostly food we weren't very keen on, and b) about four times the price of options we could source independently! So not too excited by anything I've seen along those lines so far.

I don't know what it is about the idea of a wedding in a barn, I'm not too keen on it ... Although to be fair I've never been to a barn wedding so maybe they're lovely

I had a quick look at marquee hire, and those things are a lot more expensive than I thought! Four figure prices for hiring what is basically a large tent, wowsers!

Maybe we will need to scrap the idea of on-site accommodation in favour of getting a venue that won't force their wedding concepts on us, although that is disappointing But you make a good point about finding a venue with accommodation options nearby, that could be a compromise to look into.