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Beginner October 2013

Trying to be reasonable...

Sarah_coxy, 13 September, 2013 at 12:36 Posted on Planning 0 12

I'm in the middle of a bit of a "to do" with my very best friend.

After splitting up with her likely wedding guest earlier this year she decided to bring her Mother. Absolutely fine. She accepted and gave me food options. I gave my final wedding numbers at the end of August. (Best friend knew this)

Today I asked said very best friend how her Mum was getting up the venue on the day - to which she replied her Mum didn't feel comfortable coming to the whole day (as she wouldn't really know anyone) and would pop up at night...

To which I replied that I had given the final numbers and that I'd effectively paid for her meal/drinks now and couldn't change the numbers or the cost of those numbers per person - Surely the not feeling comfortable would have been an issue right from the start, not something that had occurred to her afterwards? I basically was trying to explain my confusion as to why her Mum hasn't let me know before this point (wedding in 5 weeks).

Now she's made me feel a bit guilty by saying my wedding isn't her Mum's top priority at the moment as she's very recently been told she has ovarian cysts and has to have them investigated soon and her best friend has cancer. Now as far as I know, both of these developments have occurred in the 3 weeks (max) and whilst I dont want to make a big deal out of it (because at the side of medical stuff 1 meals cost at my wedding is not a big deal) I just feel as though its being used as an excuse of sorts, but I feel awful for thinking that.

Basically my point is, she could have let me know a long time back she wasn't coming.

The Mum has offered to pay for the meal etc, but I dont want to be petty so told her not to worry about it.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking, maybe this is more of a vent. Sorry all!

12 replies

Latest activity by Doddyclaire, 13 September, 2013 at 23:45
  • ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown
    Beginner January 2012
    ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown ·
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    Either the Mum feels uncomfortable being their during the day (valid, but agree that it would have been predictable) or Mum is too emotionally stressed/distressed to attend (valid). The two excuses are not (in my cabbage) obviously linked.

    I suspect the first is the real reason, and the second is being used as a conversation-stopper to stop you objecting. Very unfair of your friend - it's not a very nice tactic, to use illness as a means to shut people up.

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  • J
    Beginner April 2013
    JanetJones ·
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    Let it go. I had empty seats at my wedding, they were paid for, nothing I could do about it.

    I still had a great day though.

    Don't fall out with your friend over it.

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  • *Mrs M to be*
    Beginner August 2014
    *Mrs M to be* ·
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    That's really unfair of your friend to throw in the health issues.

    If that had been used as the reason initially you probably would have understood, but it wasn't. I agree that's it's just been used to shut you up. But what can you say now? Now she's mentioned the big C if you object anymore you're going to look like a selfish, heartless bridezilla and she knows that.

    Unfortunately I think it's one of those things you'll just have to accept and move on.

    I don't think you can win with this wedding stuff. If guests mess you about and you dare say anything, you're a wedding obsessed nightmare who thinks everyone should have your wedding as top priority.

    I hadn't even considered the possibility of people cancelling after balances had been paid but from what I see on here its quite common.

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  • ducks in a row
    Beginner June 2014
    ducks in a row ·
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    Definitely try to accept it, don't ask questions and move on if you can so you can enjoy your day and enjoy having your best friend there. I know she could have told her ages ago- but not many people realize the stress and sheer amount of planning that goes into a wedding (I'm just starting to learn that myself!!) so forgive and forget I think. Also- in the grand scheme of things its just 1 wedding meal... maybe you can offer it to your photographer to keep them sweet?

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  • S
    Beginner October 2013
    Sarah_coxy ·
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    I would never fall out with her over it, it's just made me feel awkward.

    And I wondered whether my reaction had been ott.

    Iobviously realise it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it annoyed me.

    Itwon't matter in the morning I suppose Smiley smile

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  • M
    Beginner August 2014
    MOMB ·
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    Duplicate

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  • M
    Beginner August 2014
    MOMB ·
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    Honestly, the only person who can understand how irritating this is must be another wedding planner! People honestly just don't realise.

    Is there anyone else you wanted to squeeze into the day that you didn't have room for who could come and make use of the meal?

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  • Kentish Gal
    Beginner July 2013
    Kentish Gal ·
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    So true! I had to deal with 2 people messing be about the day before which affected 5 places.

    I think it's best to kiss and make up Smiley smile

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  • Polkadots_and_Pincurls
    Beginner June 2015
    Polkadots_and_Pincurls ·
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    I thought this too, must admit.

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  • AuntieBJ
    Beginner September 2014
    AuntieBJ ·
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    I suspect your friend may be just as embarrassed by her mums decision as you are annoyed by it. Maybe thats why she threw in the health stuff x

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  • ~Curley~
    Beginner August 2014
    ~Curley~ ·
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    I understand why your annoyed because I also think its an excuse. I agree that other people don't understand the stress or urgency of wedding planning other than other people planning thier wedding.

    My wedding is a year away but I will bet my life my sister will let me down. I've been to speak to her today and she swears she won't so time will tell but I'm pretty sure. I just see it as what can u do and if it happens we will still be married at the end of the day so not a massive disaster.

    Not worth falling out over. She's probably embarrassed that her mum has let you as well

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  • ~Curley~
    Beginner August 2014
    ~Curley~ ·
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    Not really sure what my sister has got to do with if lol. But at least it's now down in writing that I was right lol

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  • D
    Beginner September 2013
    Doddyclaire ·
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    Its a shame, but is there anyone you could "bump up" from an evening invite who would appreciate it?

    Sh*t like this happens, and its true that only people planning these kind of events understand the "arrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh" factor!!

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