Two weddings being planned in the same family

Maybe if they haven't set a date yet, she could feel that you're trying to get one up on her, but for you to have been so close, it's strange that she's not been in touch since you set the date.

Do you know for sure that all is well at her end? I'd be tempted to phone her again (or email) and say that you're a little worried that you haven't heard anything from her and that you don't understand why. After that the balls in her court and if she feels she can or wants to let you know whats going on then she will. She, of course, may not. Is your mum able to ask within the family to find out if things are ok with her?

I (kind of) have same situation, except im the cousin! I had been with OH 5 years when I got engaged and my big cousin had been with her OH for about 10 before he finally proposed, I think he felt the pressure after her lil cousin got engaged and finally popped the question! I was delighted for her, but I had had my wedding booked for May 2012 for nearly a year when she announced her wedding would be January 2012! I wasn't amused at first since mine was booked already (although I know you booked yours for after hers) and she had not only snuck in but took the shine off being a BM for my lil sister, who was supposed to be BM at mines for the first time and now is hers 4 months before.

I have since gotten over it tho, since mines is the big church do and hers is civil ceremony in a hotel. I can't believe how similar this situation is haha.

I would say that if your cousin can't be happy for you she isn't worth worrying about, especially since you done the decent thing and asked her date before booking yours! I managed to get over my cousin sneaking in before me and we are now texting and phoning about details and advice and liking having someone to share it with!

Hope your cousin comes round soon, but enjoy planning your wedding for now!! xx

I doubt she feels you have stolen her thunder, after all you have been with your OH for 7 years, maybe she picked up the vibes that you went that happy when she announced her engagement, I know you say you didn’t let on but that might have been the case in your head, however she could have sensed it, if you are as close as you are then she probably did, suddenly you have got engaged and you are ecstatic. I would send her an email rather than phone her because sometimes you don’t say exactly what you want over the phone you get distracted and then rear off the subject. E mail her and ask her first is everything ok, you have noticed a dip in communication and you wondered if you had done anything to upset her blah blah blah and then take it from there. I hope you work things out.

Thanks for the replies. I think I will email her again and ask if everything is OK etc...I've got myself a bit worried about it today because I found out she called my mum last night. She told my mum that they have now decided on the venue and just need to pay their deposit and confirm it - I've only found this out through my mum so I'm wondering why she hasn't called me to tell me.

I hate to think I've upset her - we went for 2013 rather than 2012 because I didnt want to upset her or have our weddings too close together. My OH wanted April 2012 but I didnt think it was fair to book ours so close and to book it sooner than hers.

I also want to book my flights to Canada - that's presuming I'm invited!!

Yes I tried not to let on that I was upset, but my OH since told me that he was aware that I was upset (even though we didn't speak about it), so maybe she did know.

I think not talking because of choosing your date would be a little bit petty. I could be on my own on this one, but why does it matter the length of time between when people get engaged to when they get married?

I got engaged in 2007 and i'm getting married this December. In between this time 2 of my good friends have got engaged and got married 'before me' and it hasn't bothered me once. It's not a competition to see who can get down the aisle first after an engagement.

I had one friend who got engaged last year and were planning their big day for 2012/13. They got a great deal on a venue if they booked for this October, so they did. I remember the bride was so worried about what i would say when i found out she was getting hitched 2 months before me, and my reaction was "That's fantastic news!" I didn't care.

My wedding day will come and when it does it will be the happiest day of my life so far. Any one of my friends and family could be getting married the day before or the day after my day and i wouldn't care.

No one can steal your thunder because your wedding day is just like a snowflake. Never are there two the same no matter how close they fall to each other.

Think you should definatley drop her an email and ask her what's going on and if she's upset with you for some reason.

My OH's brother got engaged before we did, but at the end of the day, if two people are together they are most probably going to get engaged at some point so people can't really be accused of copying if that makes sense.

Hope you get it sorted xx

Exactly. Especially with large families, it's really quite likely that at some point two or more cousins will be planning a wedding at the same time, it would be crazy to try to avoid this happening! My cousin got married in May this year, and it honestly crossed neither of our minds to be jealous or protective of "our day." They were both lovely, had relatively small overlap of people and everyone had an amazing time at both.

If the OP's cousin really isn't speaking to her over this then it's a bit silly, but I rather suspect that there's some other reason.

I've been wondering this too...when we got engaged I was so excited and so keen to get our date set that, yes, I probably was a bit pushy. But I wanted to make sure that our date wasn't too close to theirs, also we wanted to know when we need to book time off work and we want to get our flights booked!

Anyway she replied to my latest email last night and the tone of her email was as normal...I think I was perhaps getting a bit paranoid, mostly because she had missed my birthday which is unusual but I'm guessing she just forgot this year. I think all is OK now, thanks everyone for your responses.

Aw kezza, I totally get why you were upset about it, I'd say you're right and that she just forgot, with the excitement of planning her wedding etc or maybe she's had a particularly busy period at work as well but I'm really glad things seem ok now ?

I'm in a similar situation, sort of.

I told my sister AGES ago that me and OH were thinking of getting engaged. So she told her OH that she wasn't having her little sister get married before her. Well, soon after that conversation, she and her OH got engaged. Fine, I was happy for her!

When my OH proposed to me, I didn't want to tell her because I knew she'd think I was stealing her thunder. But, of course, I had to tell her, so I did. She was definitely funny with me and didn't seem happy at all. She actually said to my mum "you're not happy they're getting married are you?"

It's all settled down now, I'm making her invitations and stuff but I know she still thinks I'm stealing her thunder.

It actually works out well, IMO, because I'm getting married 7 months after her which means we can go halves on the pageboy outfits (they are her children) and we can share veils etc. but she doesn't see it this way, she's quite the pessimist whereas I'm the optimist.

Anyway, my point is, I get how you're feeling. I don't think you should feel guilty. You have as much right to marry as anyone. If she has a problem with it, it's for her to deal with.

I don't think it sounds like jealousy. Mayube shes just busy with planning, or maybe having doubts, its could be anything. If you wanted to get married next year, I would if I was you. Don't let her wedding stop you. She hasn't booked anything so nothing is set in stone for her. My cousin is getting married in our venue 3 months before me :-( But we're going to have different guests and we're only going to each otheres nite dos so its gunna be very different. Don't let her wedding influence your wedding. Just do what you want... its your day!