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Beginner October 2003

Unburdening thread

Clairy, 11 May, 2009 at 12:25 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 3

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I am really worried about my brother and H is getting a bit sick of me going on about it ?

His relationship is failing, he has nightmare neighbours, serious debt problems and two jobs. He's being quite sensible and going down all the appropriate avenues, but the stress is almost killing him - he's lost 2 stone in the last few weeks (and was skinny anyway). He's always been a bit vulnerable health wise, and I am really worried. He doesn't want our parents to know any of this (they don't get on all that well) so that's an additional burden as they think all is fine and dandy and he's being arsey with them.

He's being seen by the CAP for the debt issues this week, his wife and he are going to counselling and I am doing my best to help with the neighbours, but I am frustrated that there's so little I can do. I just want him to come and stay with me for a week or two but he doesn't want to walk away from his responsibilities, even temporarily. His wife is being quite horrible.

I don't think there's anything I can do to help him more, other than offer him somewhere safe to come and stay for a while and be there to listen to him, but I feel very frustrated that it's all I can do. Any perspective / positive stories would be appreciated.

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Latest activity by rupertcat, 11 May, 2009 at 14:55

Beginner August 2010
Saracroft251 · 11 May, 2009 at 14:00
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I think you are being very supportive, ?

Seriously Clairy from what I have read it seems that you have everything covered!! It is frustrating when the ones we love are struggling yet we can see the easiest way out for them, but they dont want to know/cant see it for themselves.

Have you thought about you in all of this, and how you are doing? It sounds as though you are doing alot of worrying on his behalf, I dont mean for that to sound patronsising, v sorry if it does - but I think you have to realise that you are doing pretty much everything you can to help him already.

My sister (28) is in a very bad place right now, with huge debts, destructive relationship, work situation is not good at all, living with me due to the amount of debt etc and if I so much as try and be supportive I am swiftly put back in my place! Sometimes the best thing is to be there for them, but be seen and not heard IYKWIM

Sorry for going on and on
XXX
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Beginner October 2003
Clairy · 11 May, 2009 at 14:18
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You're not going on ?

Thank you for your kind words. I'm doing OK, but can't help worrying. I do take your point though, and will give myself a good talking to ?
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Beginner August 2010
Saracroft251 · 11 May, 2009 at 14:36
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Clairy have a ? and a ?
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Beginner January 2008
rupertcat · 11 May, 2009 at 14:55
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Hi Clairy,

Just a quick reply from the relationship point of view. We are going through huge problems at the moment and start counselling tomorrow.

I have to say that the last people I would tell about my issues are my parents as I don't want any comments from them adding to the burden and also if we do manage to work things through then i don't want to feel that they may be judging him in the future.

Your bro may feel similar?

I think as S said, you just need to be there. Offer to help but sometimes these things just have to be got through alone as the embarrasment at the fact things are going rat sh@t can often make us not want to discuss things with those closet to us as we feel such failures.

Look after yourself too.
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