'Under Pressure' - share the interfering opinions that wind you up the most!

I completely sympathise with you on this! A lot of your comments I've had too.

I tend to just shut my ears off to it now but the best (worst) I've had is one of my (ex) bridesmaids slagging me off for not doing anything bridesmaidy with them.... Errr, I was going to but you didn't know about it at that point!

The same girl has just picked holes in so many things, who is doing my hair, who would have been doing hers, my choice of stationary etc etc.

Oh the joys of planning a wedding - everyone has an opinion!!

YES!!!! all the time!

Your quotes ring bells for me too! haha!

Some of my favourites:

'Why aren't you having a hotel - where your getting married is really inconvenient for people'

'i can't believe you are gettting married on a wednesday - people wont come'

'Are you really having that as your wedding breakfast'

'I wouldn't of chosen that colour scheme'

'Oh so you can't have hymns? what is it like a yea i do and that's it sorta thing?'

( To other half )'why arent you having tails - do you think you should change it?'

bla bla bla x

Yes! Get stuff like that all the time! One of ours is because we are going on family holiday on the Tuesday after we get married, I know a lot of people think this is totally weird but if we weren't doing this family holiday then we wouldn't be going anywhere as we are honeymooning next year instead so all the excitement isn't just this year. Plus we are only having to pay for one of us to go as the in laws are prying the rest of the money. So not going to turn down a holiday like that & esp to Mexico. But I keep getting snide comments likes that from people at work. Only reason it's fallen just after the wedding is because we had to go in school hols and we get married the first Saturday of the holidays x

Totally relate to all of these.

My oh so delightful work colleagues keep telling me how fat I'm going to look in my dress! They make out like they're joking but I'm already very sensitive about my weight and I find it's really getting to me.

Some people are really horrid when it comes to weddings!

That's awful! They're going to have a shock on the day when you look amazing.

I keep getting the 'why are you spending so much on one day?', from pretty much our entire families.

I dont have this problem so much with people I know....its the people at wedding fairs that make me see red..

ooh you havent got long. You really need to sort this out quickly.... Actuallly I have 6 months,a job and 3 kids so funnily enough sorting out underwear,dj etc etc etc hasnt happened yet. Shoot me.

Well,you must have a colour scheme......this was said to me countless times when I still had over a year to go. I just said I can have what I want,its my wedding. Then fiance would drag me away.

You dont know how you are having your hair? No I dont. I also dont know what im having for dinner tonight,what im wearing for work tomorrow or how im going to shower without my toddler wrecking the house but everyone is happy for me to deal with that myself

I think what really gets me wound up is people that dont know me telling me what I have to do. Every supplier I have booked so far has been professional,listened to me and also happily given me ideas not commands. So many must lose business by not realising that they are alienating people.

Oh yes a million times over. It started within a couple of hours of becoming engaged. We were phoning round family as you do, MF was speaking to my mum and casually mentioned getting married abroad and plucked Bali from the air as a location. Literally off the top of his head. In the next few moments my Aunt called me and said that my uncle had been to Bali and it was terrible. Erm - 1. It was a random location plucked from the air 2. Uncle had been about 25 years ago. 3. ITS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE. My mum then was on again saying "We'll come where ever you want us too" Well getting married abroad would be for two people I'm afraid, that's the idea!

The main one I get is people asking my why my best friend isn't my bridesmaid. Actually why any of my friends aren't bridesmaids. BECAUSE THEY FECKING SAID NO, OK?

Now it's getting closer my caterer keeps mentioning a venue dresser he knows even though I've told him I'm doing it myself. Several people have also asked my mum if I need any help with dressing the venue. I know they are trying to be nice but it just makes me raging that they think I can't manage myself with help from my immediate family/friends.

I suppose the biggest ones though are from MF's parents asking: why we are bothering getting married? why we are having a big wedding? why it's in a church and not a registry office? and why is it in the middle of nowhere? We want to get married, it's nothing to do with you. I want a big wedding, he's done it before, I haven't (and don't plan to again). I go to church, I can't imagine marrying anywhere else. I'm from where we are getting married, I've not just picked a location out of my backside specifically to inconvience you (which it's not, we've paid £350 to transport you there and back door to door).

Gah - sorry!

"Why aren't you having a honeymoon? I wouldn't get married if I couldn't have a honeymoon"

I think thats the most annoying comment I've had so far, but yes "so when do you start your diet, you haven't got long" comes a close second followed by "would have thought you wouldn't bother with a wedding, just go to the registry office as its your second chance" and finally "lets hope this one lasts longer" usually accompanied by a wink

Oooh ok, lets go.

'Its not really a wedding because its not in church' That was meant as a joke but just wasn't funny, then the same person goes on about how divorce isn't tolerated in our family in front of my divorced mum, still a joke but mum left a little snubbed. Again same person 'why isn't my grandchild a flowergirl?'

this one was by far the best one! 'why did you pick a friday? in Chester! we have to do livery on the horse!'

Some at work who has never met my fiancé or know anything about our relationship 'what he's not going to wear a wedding ring? Hmmm I never trust people who don't wear wedding rings - they obviously don't want people to know theyre married'

BAFFLES me how rude people can be about other peoples wedding! I would never be anything but happy for people! x

Wow, having read all the responses I can say that I can definitely relate to most of them! In a way I'm pleased I'm not the only one, but I'm very sad that you are all experiencing the same rudeness and tactlessness as I have been subjected to!! The worst bit is that most of the people piling on their pressure and opinions really do think they are offering you 'helpful' advice or that we should be grateful they're showing such an interest!

To the lady who said she keeps being asked how she's having her hair done. YES!! This needs to go on my list. Almost from the day I got engaged people were saying 'have you decided how you're having your hair done?' Erm...no. At that point I hadn't even decided on a venue or a dress so I can't say my hair was a big priority at that point.

Here's another one: 'Aren't you having a veil???'.

Me: "No, I'm not. It just doesn't feel right for me. Especially since it's a really small civil ceremony, I don't see the need!

Other person: "Oh, well how about just a small veil then, just for decoration?"

Me: "No, I just don't think I'll feel comfortable with a veil. It's not really me."

Other person: "How about a really nice sparkly tiara then?"

*Sigh*

Just let me make my own decisions please.

I went to a really great wedding recently. The bride got her dress from a high street shop, she did her own hair and make up, she didn't have a veil. The whole day was really informal and really lovely. There were no after dinner speeches, and no first dance at the evening reception. It was a completely lovely day but I dread to think how many 'helpful' comments she received in the run up to her wedding!

I'm loving this thread! We get married on a Sunday and were informed how inconvenient that was for other people. Well I'm sorry but we've saved a grand on the day by getting married then. Another one was from my mother when I bought my dress (she refused to come Wiltshire to Sheffield as its too far, we live in Newcastle) I asked about going shopping with her to help her find her dress, "You didnt let me help you find your dress so you're not helping me"

Another favourite is from family members at the moment demanding not to be sat next to or even near their own family members. And the lady who said its not a real wedding as its not in church, we had that too. Also we're having a BBQ buffet in the evening, "Whats wrong with just a nice finger buffet?"

Look we're doing the planning and putting all the work in, butt out will you!!

Wow, this bridesmaid has clearly misunderstood that a wedding is not all about what the bride does for her bridesmaids. Can't bear when bridesmaids make it all about them. One of mine keeps telling me who she does and doesn't want to sit near at the wedding breakfast, and telling me how self conscious she's going to feel walking down the aisle. I try to be sympathetic, but really, I don't think the attention would or should be on her at that moment! She even asked me if I could set out a 'reserved seat' sign for her boyfriend at the ceremony. I'm sorry, but reserved seats at the front are for parents etc. not for random 'plus 1's'.

What is WRONG with people?! haha

Oh i have a few of these too, some repeated from above, others not:

So are you going to try lose at least some weight (from a colleague at work... my response was that my Fiance obviously likes me like this or he wouldn't have proposed)

You can't not have a veil..... (ummm yes i can i don't want one)

I cannot believe you have bought crystal studded Converse for the Evening do, thats just chavvy you're supposed to keep your wedding shoes on (1 i can;t wear high heels all day due to problems with my knees and feet and 2 chavvy or not i will be comfy and enjoying my wedding)

So you're not having kids that aren't family at the wedding breakfast.... it'll be ok if i bring mine though won't it (ummm no you're not related and your little is the naughtiest most badly behaved child in the world.... plus if we make leeway for you then it pisses everyone else off and we do not want 28 kids under 7 yr old at the ceremony)

What do you mean you're not having a choice of food at the Wedding Breakfast, i did (well here's some news, we're not, if you don't like it don't eat it!)

Can't you rearrange the wedding date we wanted to go on holiday then (fine go on holiday)

Really annoys me.... ive resorted to saying that if they want to pay for the changes they are more than welcome!

Wow I've not had any annoying comments really! I've had annoying suggestions but when I've said no people have just shut up about it.

I've only had a few, the one I find really quite annoying for some reason is the 'what colour theme are you having, you need a theme so you can pick X, Y, and Z' repeatedly from my parents and others, the answer is always im not having one particularly, and the confusion and anguish that seems to ellicit is crazy haha!

I dont want a wedding car (the venue is next to the church, its like a two minute walk, itd take longer to get in and out the car than to walk up) and thats raised eyebrows and 'you have to have a wedding car', my dad particularly wants me to have one for some unknown reason, bless him, but I'll feel a plonker driving in it for 30 seconds, it'd be a waste.

We've had the 'how much/how could you?!' shocked faces when we've told certain people how much things cost, sometimes its hard to not be made feel guilty!

I've been told that we must choose food everyone will eat when I said I didnt want chicken or soup(nothing against chicken and soup, just didnt fancy it when the venue has an amazing menu to choose from) You cant please everyone all of the time is becoming my mantra

and the worst is that anything I say as a throw away comment/or mention as an idea is suddenly taken as being set in stone. I mentioned I might wear coloured shoes, (I might not, i just said it as an idea) and it was all (from my mom, who I love but very occassionally she needs gentle reminding its our day) and after the initial horror it was all well how about these or these or these....n just stop it now! Im not deciding yet, I just said it, I dont know why I said it, but it doesnt mean anything! oo and breathe!

Great fun planning a wedding eh?! seriously, I love it :-D

Ah yes the car. I will be getting ready at the venue and probably staying the night there too yet its still shocking to some people that I see no reason in having a car,even though everyone that knows me would know I have no interest in cars anyway and if I did need one I would be very likely to call a cab.

Haha, yes the 'You said you were doing so and so' accusation when i really said 'well i was thinking of'

?

I can totally relate to this! People are just trying to be helpful, but it does wind me up when you say something as a bit of a throwaway comment in the early days of wedding planning, and then when you have a more definite idea of what you want to do several months later people are like 'oh, I thought you said you were doing to do XYZ?'.

A big example of this was with the coloursheme. All along I wanted elegant, classic dusky pinks, creams, lace and pearls etc. At one stage early on, when discussing the bridesmaid dress colours, I said sort of casually said 'I think I want pink dresses, but I suppose a certain shade of sage or mint green might go with the pinks and creams of the colourscheme' even though in my heart of hearts I knew I wanted dusky pink dresses. Next thing I knew, one of the bridesmaids was searching high and low for a green dress and kept showing me pictures of green dresses! When I told her pink was my main colour she was like 'oh, but you said green??'

Fun fun fun!! Haha

Aykay, you've remind me of another one! regarding BM's: how should they have their hair? as they wish. What shoes should they get? what they want. Do the dresses need to match? Nope. Are you sure? yes. But how will people know they're BM's? Because they're the ones holding flowers not in white! being asked once is fine but again every 2 weeks by the same people/person?

This thread makes me so glad I'm not the only one, maybe I won't take things so personally now.

I've had the following:

"How much??" when I told my mum how much H2B wedding ring was. I said well it is a rare item that will actually be worn after the day itself so...

"you're not having an evening buffet?? but people will expect one!!" from a work colleague and our wedding co-ordinator at the venue who obviously just wants more money. My response was well our 3 course wedding breakfast is 5pm so none of the day guests will be hungry and evening guests will be told prior so they can eat beforehand. We refused to spend an extra grand on a buffet which will not be eaten. (on the whole) We aren't having that many evening guests so it's really not worth it.

"oh that will be nice, we'll look forward to it" from family members who assumed they're invited to the whole day, and they're not. I haven't seen them in 5+ years so I told my mum I'd invite them to the evening do. (as a compromise) Then I get, "oh they won't travel 2 hours just for just the evening do" Tough then.

I feel like you constantly have to justify everything though, it does my head in.

Just comments about it being a second wedding. Sadly my first marriage ended, we had a little girl together and he spent most of his time doing his own thing, he still does that now and sees our daughter once a month. I never wanted it to end and it's a massive sadness to me I've been divorced but my hand was forced, I didn't feel I had a choice, I think marriage is a good thing. OH is also getting married again.

It's awkward really every other wedding is treated with more excitement. We went to my H2B nieces wedding which was an all day thing (it wasn't very well organised but she got what she wanted which is another story). His Mum keeping saying things about how marriage doesn't suit us but is over the moon with the nieces wedding. So it's ok for niece to get married but not us even though our live are comparatively more sorted than her's is, we have a house, a kids, good jobs etc..

My sister as also split from her H hence my Mum saying "I'm not a fan of my daughters getting married" followed by no interest whats so ever, TBF she was nightmare at my first wedding. I think she's embarrassed about me wanting to do it again. Probably expects me to wear something very low key and more suited to how a divorcee should dress.

Thats sad your mum is behaving like that. My mum completely took over at my sisters wedding and made it more her wedding than my sisters. (My mum is very bad at holding grudges and has an absent sence of humour, she is upset her parents controlled her wedding and mae it so she couldnt have what she wanted so obviously wanted to liver her wedding through her daughter, doing exactly the same thing to her as her parents did. Arse) She tried to do it to me and I refused. Obviously having a say in your own wedding is frowned upon!! I've had problems with my family because most of them are located in Lincoln and as we're having our wedding where we live, (my family live in wiltshire and OHs live in sheffield so we'd no doubt upset someone so thought sod it get married where we are and upset them all!!) and its a good 4 hours from lincoln but they're invited to the day do. Told by my dad that his brother and family (Uncle, aunt, 3x cousins, 2 x OHs) would probably not come as they dont get on with each other or other family members and so itd probably only be my uncle going. Anyway Im ranting here. Familys can be very intrusive and as they only see it as helping, they might need to take a step back!

Yep, can relate to a chunk of them.

You know something's coming when someone starts their sentance with "...you can't not have/do..".

The one that gets me the most is. "you have to, it's tradition" my argument to this is, who said we have to, (and to anyone who knows me well enough) and since when have I ever done anything that everyone else is doing? lol

To be honest a lot of the "it's tradition" is coming from my OH, I never knew he was so traditional, he kept that quite ?. But after talking to a few of the girls they all said their OH's were more traditional than they thought they would be. Has anyone else found this?

(I will say with my OH "it's tradition" comments are usually to something totally off the wall that I suggested and it's polite way of telling me to shut up te he he)

A thousand times yes!! In the early days of wedding planning, my OH seemed to be as willing as I was to keep it informal and non-traditional. E.g, he was going to just wear a nice suit and snazzy tie, but then suddenly he wanted to go for the typical morning suit with tails for himself and his best man etc. Then he decided it wasn't a proper wedding if I didn't walk down the aisle to 'here comes the bride'. Then before I knew it we were booking all sorts of 'traditional' things and spending far more money than we ever intended simply because 'you cant not do such and such...'

So to answer your question, yes, my OH has turned out to be more traditional than I thought, but I think it's more a lack of imagination with the men than a real desire to be 'traditional'.

My adult bms are wearing a diff colour and style to the teen bms,we get married on a thursday,we get married outside, our first dance will be very nontraditional,I have 3 kids and will be wearing ivory,we are not having a top table,the bms will be sitting with their families,we are not having wedding cars etc etc

Maybe everyone is so scandalised they can't say anything cos they have fainted.

Yup.

I have all male friends and when i say i'm not doing this and that they all chime in chorus and ask why do you have to be different for the sake of being different (another annoying statement) a quick look of death puts a halt to that.

being different for the sake of being different, you'd think they'd only just met me! I'm being 'different' because i don't want or relate to certain things or traditions. why go along for the sake of going along with it?

Think we all can relate to this mine are

your spoiling pretty flower girl dresses with pumps (converse)

why aren't you changing your name I did

you don't need to go dress shopping yet mine only took 6 weeks (8 months before wedding)

well I don't like that's sister of OH dad (who is sadly no longer with us) she shouldn't come to the wedding

All from MIL to be. Normally she'll lovely, what ever version of brideszilla suits the grooms mother she's has got it.

Exactly my views on it ?

...never thought of it like that..

I have had snide remarks from my sister because the wedding is a Friday and isn't convenient for her. The thing that is really getting to me (and it is probably just me being touchy) is people keep saying 'this time' or 'again' (it's my second wedding). I really wish my first wedding hadn't happened and ok I can't change the past, but just ask 'is X your bridesmaid' not 'is X your bridesmaid AGAIN'!

Had fun reading some of these, apart from the upsetting ones obviously! Truly amazing how opinionated some people get about other people's weddings. Luckily I haven't had any major interference yet except for my stepmum whose opinion I couldn't give a flying monkeys about.