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Beginner April 2014

'Under Pressure' - share the interfering opinions that wind you up the most!

Annabel Lee, 24 February, 2014 at 01:01

Posted on Planning 65

I don't know if everyone else has felt the same sense of mounting pressure as I do from friends/family/colleagues/strangers to do everything a certain way or to look a certain way On the big day? Here are some of my favourite recurring opinions/questions I've had to fight off and justify myself over...

I don't know if everyone else has felt the same sense of mounting pressure as I do from friends/family/colleagues/strangers to do everything a certain way or to look a certain way On the big day? Here are some of my favourite recurring opinions/questions I've had to fight off and justify myself over since day one. Share yours too!

-'Oh, so you're not getting a professional make up artist to do your makeup? Don't you worry about how the photos will turn out?' (Said by my more style conscious friends/colleagues)

-'wow you must be the only woman I've met who's not trying desperately trying to slim into her dress!' - (said by one or two bitchy female colleagues every time I'm spotted eating something with more calories than a salad)

-'Aren't you having chair covers???' (Said by almost everyone who lack the imagination to comprehend the idea that sometimes, chairs can look nice WITHOUT white covers and organza sashes on them)

-'So how much is your wedding costing you then?' - (said by tactless rude people who generally go on to tell you about how much more theirs cost OR to tell you what a waste of money weddings are when you should be spending it on something more useful)

-'Have you thought about fake tan/fake eyelashes/hair extensions etc etc? (Said by idiots who don't understand that if I've never liked any of those things before I certainly don't want them on my wedding day)

i could go on all day Smiley winking

65 replies

  • laurafish
    Beginner July 2016
    laurafish ·
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    I've had quite a few comments from my mum because our reception venue is an hour from our church. It's not my fault we live in an area with so few suitable venues, and I'm not willing to give up the church!

    Had multiple remarks from FMIL about all kinds of things, I'm trying to learn to ignore them...

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  • goldpants
    Beginner May 2014
    goldpants ·
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    Things that have wound me up recently (2 and a half months to go...)

    "I dont actually need to rsvp right?" said by almost all my friends and family thinking they are important enough for me to know they are coming. Yeah that's great, glad you can make it, but wish I hadnt spent 3 days making homemade rsvp cards.. how long would it take to tick a box and stick it in the post?!

    Suppliers not responding to emails - sent a Happy New Year email to them all to confirm our date, and now, 50+ days later I have finally got a response from them all after a few chasers. Awesome.

    And lastly,

    Two of our friends are getting married this year too, in august (we are may).

    My venue sent me an up to date list of who has booked a room to stay so far, but it was missing said couple. They had text me when they had booked it checking the price, then saying it was booked so I questioned my venue - who told me they had called back and cancelled their reservation stating the price was 'far too expensive' (prices were stated on our invites).

    I have just this week rsvpd to their wedding and booked our room at their venue and it is only £20 cheaper.

    They havent told us they arent staying yet, but I somehow feel wound up! Probably just the stress of the day fast approaching, I dont really care if they stay or not, but just hope one of them isnt driving as none of our other friends will be.

    I just thought they would understand the cost of these things, cant help feel they are being slightly stingy if that's the only reason!!

    Sorry this has clearly wound me up more than I thought, almost definitely having a bridezilla moment i'm sure! Smiley winking

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  • NYCBride
    Beginner September 2014
    NYCBride ·
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    The one that annoys me is 'Why do you have to get married in New York?' which my mum & sister like to ask from to time. Newsflash: we don't have to get married anywhere, we've chosen to get married in New York and you don't have to come.

    That makes me sound like a complete *** and obviously I'm pleased that my mum and sister will be there but it always seems like it's my side of the family that are difficult. My OH's side are really excited.

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  • A
    Beginner April 2014
    Annabel Lee ·
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    Goldpant, I'm with you on the rsvp card thing! I handmade mine, but I even gave people the option to text or email back in the hopes lazy people would be more inclined to reply. Didnt work at all.

    Suppliers who dont bother to reply quickly also wind me up. You email them saying more or less 'I would like to spend hundreds of pounds on your services, please can you provide a quote/more info' and then you have to chase them up to respond! Not on.

    I'd be a little frustrated with friends claiming my venue was too pricey to book a room for too. I suppose they're trying to save the pennies for their own wedding but they forget their wedding will cost you a considerable amount too. I was wound up when we asked what OH's brother and fiance wanted for Christmas and they said 'just money towards our wedding please'. For a start, thats a weird thing to ask for as a christmas present, and secondly OUR wedding is several months before theirs so it felt a bit insensitive being asked for money for their wedding when we were clearly skint too! Maybe its just a bridezilla moment too tho haha

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  • Alisha.B
    Expert April 2022
    Alisha.B ·
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    I havnt had many yet... probably because next to no one knows but so far ive had

    'ughh... thats one of those god awful american traditions' - in response to wanting BMs to walking down before me

    'cake toppers are tacky' - well some are tacky but some are quite nice actually

    'what wrong with what your aunt/sister/mam did' - ermm all there weddings where near identical and like every 5 year old child party ive ever been too

    wonder what others ill hear... bet my mam will make a comment about me losing weight at some point (even though I have a BMI of 17) because she was clearly so much skinnier than me at her age (selective memory I think because she has never been as slim as she remembers) and comments about how im trying to trap OH (we have been together 6 years and nearly 10 by the time we marry and have a house and kids... yes the marrage will trap him lol) - oh well thats family

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  • emmieloos
    Beginner August 2015
    emmieloos ·
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    I'm still waiting for most of these but they are definitely on the way from my family and in future in laws. I think the only reason I haven't yet is because my parents have told everyone that the more they push me the more I'll rebel.

    When one of my colleagues got married people were trying to get her to do things she didn't want (eg she just wanted a sandwich buffet and her mum wanted a three course sit down meal). Her answer was "if you want it, you pay for it." Funnily enough most of the other peoples plans then never materialised. I've taken the same rule and so far its working. For example I was very happy with my dress off the high street but my parents wanted me to have a "proper wedding dress" so they payed for it (although I did choose which dress)

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  • goldpants
    Beginner May 2014
    goldpants ·
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    I of course understand money is tight for them too as they are saving - the root of it all probably lies a little deeper if I am honest. Friends best man has organised the friends stag away two nights to Magaluf (dont ask..) and has automatically billed all the boys enough to cover the stag too without asking so he isn't paying a penny, it is costing OH over £500. I'm thinking if he knew that he would be less inclined to be stingy over the room, especially as OH is paying the full £450 for his own stag.

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  • FHB
    Beginner March 2014
    FHB ·
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    "Oh your not having a wedding car?" ...no I'm not wasting money on a car that is of no relevance to my day.

    "oh your not having wine on the tables?!" ...no I'm not wasting money on wine that people just drink for the sake of it.

    "you don't have a honeymoon booked??" ..Eh no we can't afford to do both in one go, and refuse to use credit cards for something so frivolous (each to their own).

    "but an organist is traditional" ...yes but it sounds like a dying whale?!

    "your having the speeches BEFORE the meal?!" ...yes I want my hubby, best man and dad to enjoy their food AFTER!

    Honestly I could go on and on. Absolutely hate people telling me how weddings should be and what's tradition.

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  • Joebella44
    Beginner March 2015
    Joebella44 ·
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    I've not had too many of these yet, but have a feeling they'll come!

    My most annoying one so far has been 'oh, that's far away' or 'why are you getting married so far away?' in response to our venue decision! I always wanted to get married in or near my home town, but the venue we fell in love with is just over the border in the next county, it's still only 50 minutes away from my home town so hardly a long trek but some people apparently feel I've asked them to travel to the other side of the world! They should be happy i haven't chosen to get married where i live as that's 3 and a half hours away form my hometown!!!

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  • MrsKHbutterfly
    Rockstar September 2014
    MrsKHbutterfly ·
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    Hhmmmmm so many to choose from!! Lol :-/ (I have to laugh or I'd cry!!)

    "but you are having a tiara aren't you?" After me saying "no crown" which is what I call tiaras "but you need to look like a princess" no actually I need to feel beautiful, which I won't with a tiara, I will feel silly (just not me)

    "but why do you have to get married so far away from me?" We'll it's only 20 minutes from our home and 95% of the other guests and considering you are being picked up and having your room paid for surely isn't that much of a hardship?

    "but you have to have a hen weekend as well as a local night out" errmmmm no actually I don't, I have been off work with depression for over 2 months and my oh is supporting me so it's not really a priority.

    "why have you picked THAT colour?" We'll because I like it "yes, but where has it come from?" Ermmmm my head? Wedding mags, Pinterest, Google, hitched..........

    "do you REALLY need to stay over at the venue the night before" well no I don't but I would like to, oh can then chill out at home and I can spend my last eve with my 2besties.... Oh so you want a room booking now too??? Ok mum!!!!

    "you can't not have a honeymoon" well yeah actually we can, we will be saving up and having one next year which then gets followed by "but won't you be saving for a deposit for a house then?" We'll yes, so just out of interest where is the money coming from for the hm this year that I can't have next year? Lol

    "I think I need a plus 1" well I agree, I need to win the lottery too so we'll just get right on that for you

    and one of my faves "oh so you're having cake then? Is that allowed on your diet?" Ermmmm WHAT diet!? Lol yes I'm not the slimmest but I am happy with my weight and I just want to tone, I'm not going to make my self miserable for the next 6 months because you think all brides should automatically be on diets! Lol

    oh and by the way, most of the above were from my mother!!!! (Last one from fmil so that's nice lol!)

    great isn't it!! Xx

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  • M
    Beginner May 2014
    Miss2MrsinMay ·
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    Oh yeah this is another one our venue co-ordinator didn't like either, exactly H2B wants to get it out of the way and I'm sure my dad would too.

    Our day our choice.

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  • C
    Beginner April 2014
    ClaireKB ·
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    OMG - yes to the throwaway comments! I thought this was just me, it's like certain people (my mum) have an enduring record of literally everything I've ever said about weddings ever. Not even since I've got engaged - we're talking 'oh but you always liked your hair in that style' referring to a hairstyle I thought was great when I was SEVEN.

    Also, mother in law, after we'd explained a hundred times we didn't want gifts because we've lived together in a tiny flat for seven years and don't need homewares - 'so shall I tell people to get you a duvet set? people will need to know what to get!'.

    I've also had so many people telling me to get my hair highlighted I'm actually getting it done. Even though I can't afford it. All the comments have made me paranoid.

    I feel both guilty and SO RELIEVED for letting the ranting out!

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  • Chucklevision
    Beginner July 2015
    Chucklevision ·
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    I've only been engaged a couple of months & haven't booked anywhere yet & I've had loads of people insisting I should grow my hair because that's what other brides do. When I answer no, it's are you going to wear extensions then - aren't you worried they'll look tacky? Er... No because I won't be wearing them! My hair isn't even that short it's chin length.

    Despite telling my mum that we're getting married abroad she still keeps asking if I've seen this venue & that venue. Grrrrrrr.

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  • A
    Beginner April 2014
    Annabel Lee ·
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    I can relate to the hair thing! Ever since getting engaged people have been pestering me about how I'm having my hair. To me it's really not a priority. I honestly thought about cutting my hair really short just so there was very little styling I could actually have done with it. That's how desperate I got to have the pressure taken off. But instead, I've done what's expected and let it grow as long as possible for the past year so I can have standard typical 'bride' hairstyle just like everyone expects. I draw the line at a sodding tiara though!!

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  • Chucklevision
    Beginner July 2015
    Chucklevision ·
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    I would too. I'm not one for tiaras & veils. I'm more of a sparkly hair clip kinda gal.

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  • TheMrsMeFo
    Beginner April 2015
    TheMrsMeFo ·
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    This made me chuckle and nearly spit out my mouthful of soup!!! Its so true, I get the same...oh its just over 13months, you better start looking into cakes, videographer ect ect ect, No what I need to do right now is look for the house phone that my 3YO son has hidden in the house and pray its not in the washing machine AGAIN..or take my 4YO daughter to her dance class..or maybe just try to relax for a couple hours after working all day, coming home to a bombsite, 2 kids, 1 OH and tea to make...! Family seems to be the worst, asking me if I've done this or that, yet when I say No, because I don't have time, there is no offer of watching the kids while we go check suppliers out...!

    Another one I get is 'what you aren't wearing heels???' No, because I want to be comfortable and also not want to tower over the OH, so I'm wearing peep toe flats, who cares!? Noone sees the shoes anyways!!!

    xx

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  • MischiefMumma
    Beginner August 2014
    MischiefMumma ·
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    This^^^ My sister had a tiara and could have given Katie Price a run for her money!! Im not into the tiara thing, I know some ladies like it and thats great but I have sticky outy ears so it just makes them look worse, I'm just going for a pretty lace and pearl sparkly hair slide. Also with the hair growing comments, when I told my mum I'd be wearing clip in hair extensions for our wedding (My hair is very very fine, so much so you can see my scalp when its been washed so extensions are a must for any decent wedding hairstyle, also it doesnt grow past my shoulders as its so fine!) she told me I'd look like one of those 'Essex chavs'. Cheers mum.

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  • Alisha.B
    Expert April 2022
    Alisha.B ·
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    my mam comes out with stuff like that all the time lol infamous lines like 'oh but you really like polly pocket dont you' ? ermmm... I did when I was 6 nearly 20 years ago lol

    she also completely makes things up (im sure she get confused between me and people she sees on tv) so she will show up and give me a gift of something ive never even seen or heard of before and go 'remember you really wanted that' - ermmm since I dont even know what the hell it is im pretty sure I didnt but thank you (some of the items didn't even exist when she claims we had these conversations lol)

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  • B
    Beginner January 2015
    blondejenius ·
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    This is a brilliant thread! I'm glad I'm not alone with 'helpful' comments.

    My FSIL has offered me her tiara and garter several times. Very generous of her, but I don't want a tiara, and OH has said he is very weirded out by the thought of me wearing her garter! (He was there when she offered the first time.)

    "You don't want that." - We do actually, that's why we are having it/have just said we want it!

    "I can't believe you aren't having a wedding car." - I can, it seems silly when I am staying at the venue the night before and OH isn't bothered.

    "You don't want to make your cupcakes yourself." Yes I do. I am gluten and lactose intolerant and making them myself ensures that they won't make me ill. I also enjoy baking and find it relaxing.

    My Mum has said that all I should say to suggestions is, "That sounds lovely, [we will consider it/but we are doing it like this/but it is not for us].". She's one of the worst though!

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  • A
    Beginner April 2014
    Annabel Lee ·
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    I get this all the time too. Or simply the question 'what wedding cars are you having?' as if they just assume it's an essential part of the wedding! I'm staying the night before too. The bridal suite where I will be getting ready is literally opposite our ceremony room. I like the idea of stepping out of my boudoir and straight into my wedding! Haha. But people are still surprised I wont be making my 'big entrance' in a car. Surely nobody sees that anyway, since they'll all be sitting waiting in the ceremony room?

    I too have been offered lots of things I dont want to borrow. People mean well and they're only trying to be helpful, but they dont realise how awkward it makes you feel to have to tell them that you really dont want to borrow a bright red and white bouquet since your theme is cream and dusky pink etc etc. My standard response is usually, 'oh that is so nice of you to offer, and I'd be so tempted if I hadn't already done it/sorted it/bought it/planned it already'.

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  • M
    Beginner August 2015
    mils123 ·
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    YES!! I can relate to A LOT of these!! I've had a few that I've had to just ignore or else I'd scream. They mainly come from my MIL. For example;

    'You've got to get married in a church' no, no we don't. We don't have to do anything.

    'Have you ordered your save the dates yet' which would be fine just the once, but not every time I see her. No I haven't because we don't get married for another 18 months, I'm not in a rush.

    'What?? No chair covers' Nope, and to add salt to the wound, all the chairs are different, the whole place is mix-match, that's just the style of the venue.

    'So and so doesn't think she'll be able to come with it being so far away' aaarrrgghh it's a 50 minute drive, not Timbuktu!!

    And then the worst of the worst is about the hotel rooms. There are only a few rooms to fill, but we want to fill them all to avoid paying for empty rooms. The majority are filled by the wedding party anyway... but she's insisting on telling people who are showing an interest in staying that it's 'really pricey'!!!! No it isn't!!!!! And it's 18 months away, we're not springing this on anybody. They all have plenty of notice. Stop trying to put people off my dream venue!!!

    And breathe....

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  • S
    Beginner April 2014
    sophiesofa ·
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    Ha! These stories are hilarious! I'm so lucky not having to experience such crap.

    keep strong ladies!

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  • Suzie88
    Beginner August 2014
    Suzie88 ·
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    I guess the one which hurt most so far has got to be 'Oh, but the diamond isn't very big...' (FMIL on seeing engagement ring) Well, no, because a) I have tiny hands and a big diamond would look ridiculous, b) I personally don't like big rocks! c) I always said to my OH I would rather have a small/cheaper ring and spend the excess money on our LIFE together d) its about the engagement not the ring... So yeah.

    'Why haven't you booked a wedding car?' -because we are getting married in the hall and having our reception there too. Where exactly is that car going to drive us?

    'A Wednesday is really inconsiderate for a wedding day' - Well, it's the middle of the summer holidays and most of our friends are teachers.... Also, we have sent out invites over 6 months in advance, you have plenty of time to book the day off, or, not come - as others have said, INVITATION not a command to come.

    'I can't believe you are only giving us sandwiches for food' - (FMIL) it's afternoon tea, its slightly more than sandwiches, and if you don't want that for food, you could always not eat?

    'Why haven't you invited xyz?' - (FMIL) Ummm.... who? The next door neighbours, dog-walkers, best friend, from the age of 6, who you have never met (and OH doesn't remember) who has never ever been mentioned in our 4+years together.... I think you answered that yourself! WE DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE!!!

    'No photos at the ceremony? You are a bridezilla' (FMIL) - Actually, its OH who is really enforcing this, but I love the idea of an unplugged wedding. I don't want pictures of peoples ipads in the aisle, I'm paying a lot of money for pictures of us!

    And my all time favourite: 'When are we going bridesmaid shopping for my dress?' - (FSIL) ummm..... I've not asked you to be a bridesmaid, and barely even know you, so never?!?

    I'm so glad you guys are all having these stresses! Clearly it is all part of the wedding fun, right?!

    *Breathe in and think of the big picture, you have to get through this so you can enjoy your marriage.*

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  • smokesignal
    Beginner August 2015
    smokesignal ·
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    Some of these are so funny! Taking my mind of essay writing anyway Smiley winking
    I'm lucky I haven't had any of this yet, but that's mostly because we haven't told many people yet.

    But from people we have told, I've had a little bit of "but you're so young!" and "why don't you just wait a few years?" Despite the fact that I'll be 20 when we're married, which okay, is young, but we'll have been together for almost 7 years by that point, which I think is plenty enough time. Added to that the fact that because of religious reasons we can't live together before we're married, it just makes sense to do it then.

    But I'm sure there'll be much more of that to come!

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  • Barnett2015
    Beginner April 2015
    Barnett2015 ·
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    In relation to your mum saying weird things that don't relate you AT ALL anymore i was out in the car with mine the other day when she pointed out a number plate of the car in front which had HAM on the end of it. My mum says 'Oh You'd like that car' and i said 'I would??' thinking she meant colour or something to which she replies 'You like ham don't you...?

    I mean i guess i like ham but not anymore than the next person! I'm not a ham obsessive.BLIMEY.

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  • AuntieBJ
    Beginner September 2014
    AuntieBJ ·
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    This actually made me laugh out loud!!! My friend does stuff like this to me all the time - she once bought me a piggy bank because I apparently once said a picture of a baby pig was cute - her interpretation, I like pigs. I don't even remember the picture, let alone the throwaway comment I apparently made and i certainly have no greater love for pigs than any other animal~!!!!!

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  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
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    Ooooh speaking of wrong or old impression of you. according to 2 of my BM I don't lose my temper EVER!! Anger is an unknown emotion to me. I have recent being try to get one of them to try on their dress ... for 2 months. I eventually had to get her promise to turn up at a specific time and date because i had other appointment, and that to her was me flipping my lid. I can only imagine her face if she ever saw me truly lose it like i do at super hard boss fights in video games.

    and 2 of my auntie i don't swear. Nope, not in front of you i don't

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  • Alisha.B
    Expert April 2022
    Alisha.B ·
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    Lol... its nice to know im not he only one with a mad mum

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  • M
    Beginner June 2014
    MrsACF ·
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    We are not having any guests. Not one. When some people hear this they say "but your parents are going though surely?" (errm no, they aren't) or "yes, but what about witnesses?" (hotel is providing them).

    The best one was "why don't you delay the wedding so you can save up and have a proper wedding?" we aren't not having guests to save money - if I won the lottery next week I'd still not change a thing!

    Grrrrrrr

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  • N
    Beginner October 2014
    Nicola_25 ·
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    I get from everyone , 'don't listen to other people just do what you want to do' but what they mean is don't listen to other people except me! we have just told my fsil that she wont be able to come to the ceremony not because we don't want her there but because there isn't enough space. you would of though I told her I hated her and that she isn't invited to any of it the way she is carrying on!

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  • MrsToffee
    Expert April 2015
    MrsToffee ·
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    That is hilarious!!

    I've had a couple of small run ins with my FMIL who says "Well you HAVE to have such and such" with regards to a £300 wedding car and chair covers. As it happens we will be having chair covers but my dad and I will be having a Morris Minor to drive us to the venue and that to us is a bit of a treat! She also wanted us to invite her relatives who I've never met in the 10 years me and H2B have been together and he's met once. She tried to argue that she hadn't really got any family coming; I pointed out that we are inviting her mum, dad and three siblings and their spouses! That's it so far but am awaiting more!

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  • C
    Beginner April 2014
    ClaireKB ·
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    I'm starting to think several of us on this forum have the same mum. Mine buys me dvds and books relating to tv shows that she reckons are my favourites and I swear some of them I've never even heard of!

    My sister and I often giggle over the fact through both of our weddings our mum has gone on and on about how much her mum kept on insisting on having her own way and bossing her around, and how annoying she found it - and then does exactly the same thing! ?

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