Unplugged wedding

This has been discussed lots on here and plenty of people feel the same. As long as you do it politely, there's nothing at all wrong with requesting nothing goes onto social media.

However, one part of what you wrote did raise a red flag:

A mutual friend of ours is close with my H's ex and I know full well she will have been shown photos of our wedding. But you need to relax about this. You can't stop people showing other people photos in person and in private. If you allow this to get to you, you'll become paranoid and it'll eat into your enjoyment of the day.

No harm in asking I'm sure most people will respect your wishes and not share on social media...However they will probably show the photos they personally took too friends etc xx

Thank you

His ex has caused a lot of trouble and tried to ruin our relationship on many occasions. Unfortunately for her we are very much in love and stand united against her.

I worry that even if we tell people not to take photos (to avoid other people being shown) they will do this anyway. Rather than saying no to social media we have said no photos at all and that everyone will be able to see the professional photos when we have got them. This way they still have a choice of having hard copies of the photos of they want them rather than just having them to cause trouble or letting the world know they went to a wedding xx

I seem to remember that SillyWrong had a perfect sign at her wedding that let her guests know that she didn't want them taking photos. It was polite but to the point. If you put a note in with your invitations explaining what you want then have a sign for everyone to see hopefully they'll get the msg! Also if you set up a wed pics account or similar then your guests can still upload and share photos - but only guests or people you give the account and password details to can see them.

I think putting out a little sign to say no social media pics is enough. I've been to so many weddings where I've never ended up seeing the professional photots so I've enjoyed that I've taken some of my own to remember the day. You've chosen your guests so you should no that any people they choose to show pictures to will be because they are happy for you.

Also you'll have such a busy day so your guests photos will give you a little peek at bits of the day which you might have missed out on. X

We are looking at having a sign made something polite but too the point. Just need to find the right wording.

I understand your comment MrsBW but we are able to provide the photos. Also in this day and age it is very easy to upload anything to social media. All we are asking is people experience our wedding first hand instead of experiencing this through the lens of a camera and flicking through the pictures they have taken while the ceremony is in full swing. This is the only thing we have asked and if this was the wish of the bride and groom at a future wedding then I wouldn't go against what they have asked. It's only respecting their wishes xx

I know some people say no photos during the ceremony, and after the TOG has finished doing their thing, people are invited up to take photos of the couple signing the register before they leave. This seemed to work well! I think we'll do something similar.

I think the sign was something like "there's someone here taking pictures, we asked them to come and paid them a lot of money, please let them do their thing and leave photos to the pros!" or words to that effect...

I'm with mrsbw here i'm afraid.

i mean it's swings and roundabouts really. the thing i found with guests, is they know you better and often capture the intimate moments which the tog wouldn't know meant anything. a wedding i went to, i caught a hand gesture between the bride and her brother which i knew was something from their childhood. i was the only person- guest or pro- to get the shot and it made her cry. we too have incredible guest pics which our togs- whilst incredible- didn't get.

if i was ever asked to not take pics at ALL (ie the unplugged wedding as a whole), i'd feel REALLY sad that i wouldn't have my own record of the day. if i've been invited to celebrate and enjoy your day, part of said enjoyment is documenting the moments that mean something to me. your tog isn't me. yes a wedding is about the bride and groom but guests experience the day too and in a very different way and i'm sure many, like me, want their own memories of a great day they've shared. the couple's photographer won't capture things that means something to ME personally and it would be sad to miss out on that. another wedding, my friend went round getting pics of everything- her with their typewriter, her with a fancy teacup, her next to the cake- because she has memory problems and needed reminders- the couple's tog wouldn't have any other those shots...

swings and roundabouts

i'm not saying this to change your mind- it's your wedding and you should totally do what's right for you- just to show you WHY some people may feel sad about an unplugged ceremony.

if you DO go this route, tell your togs and try to make sure the capture everyone at some point. people spend a fortune dolling themselves up for a wedding and it's be so sad for them not to have some evidence of that. a few wedding's we've been to, we've only appeared in guest photo's- we were never captured by the togs. not a huge deal under normal circumstances, but at an unplugged wedding it'd be a shame.

best of luck however you proceed!

Woah!!! hold your horses love!! your beef with your OH's ex is not your SIL's beef with his ex. Maybe they got on well and she wants to continue to get on well because of her nieces/nephews or would you believe it because she likes OH's ex. Whatever happened between you, OH and ex has happened. That does not allow you to dictate what SIL does.

Re the photos - you're making a big deal out of this to be honest. Ask politely for no photos to be uploaded. Anything more than that is really a bit much in my humble opinion. Lots of my favorite photos were taken by my friends on cameras and phones. There is not a single photo from the pros with anyone holding a phone. People take photos at crucial points where all eyes are on you. e.g. first dance. The tog wont be taking photos of the crowd at that point in time. Don't worry so much!

Also please bear in mind that most people enjoy your wedding day and then move on with their lives. By the time you get your pro photos it could be weeks later and at that stage most people have moved on and the excitement has waned except for immediate family and very close friends. THey are unlikely to bother looking at your photos weeks after the event. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I certainly wouldn't spend ages looking through 200 tog pictures unless it was my bestie... I've got things to do and my own life to live after all...

Chillax! don't worry so much about who sees what and who wasn't invited. Who cares! Lots of people uploaded lovely photos of my day and so what if people saw them who weren't invited. I got lots of nice comments and congratulations. They weren't invited for a reason. People aren't stupid. Nobody expects to be invited to all their FB friends' weddings.

Hello,

I don't disagree with your point, at all but i think you need to be more honest about why you don't want people taking photos. From the tone of your post, i sense that it has way more to do with your fiance's ex seeing the photos as opposed to people 'being on their phones' and taking pictures of your special day.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all, but the day and age we live in, camera phones and memories of family occasions are going to be recorded and i fear that telling people that they cannot and must not take any photos may cause a little upset.

E.g. what will you do if some friends want to take photos of each other? Of a couple? Of some flowers or a centerpiece? I don't know, I think that if it's what you really, really want then people will respect your wishes (of course!) but i'm not sure that it won't cause some confusion and upset.

On my wedding day, i'm going to let people take photos (and hope that they have the common courtesy not be be on their phones all day) but i'd prefer if nothing was posted on social media until the following day.

My cousin did the same at her wedding and everyone respected this - nothing was posted until a few days after.

Hi.

While it is personally up to you and your OH what you do, I think it might upset a few people (not that they cant post to social media) but that they wont be able to take their own pictures of you, and have their own special pictures to print out and keep (instead of having to buy them from a photographer or look at them on a computer). A lot of the candid shots you get are amazing, I got one of my best friend on her wedding day looking like she was going to stab her husband with the cake knife- the professional photographer was taking a picture of the cake at the time so missed it.

whatever you decide to do, I hope you have a fabulous day

IMO, no guest photos in the ceremony = fine

No guest photos on fb/social media = fine, if a bit precious if the photos that don't include you aren't allowed on.

No guest photos AT ALL = not cool.

Your photographers may be excellent, and they will probably capture a lovely story of the day for you. But they won't be everywhere and capture everything. For most of the guests, they might be in one or two shots and that's it. No pics of them with their friends all dressed up, or with the happy couple, or just catching their own version of the day.

When I go to weddings I'm often seeing friends or family who I haven't seen in ages, and it's only natural to want a few snaps of us having fun together. Your tog just won't be able to do that for everyone - quite rightly, they're there for you!

I would never say anything to a friend if they wanted to do this, but I would think plenty of things...

We will be asking guests to put the cameras away for the ceremony and to not upload to social media. Neither of us are they type who constantly advertise our life to all and sundry so we certainly don't want our wedding to become a public event. I will be very upset if photos of our wedding surface on guests social media pages.

That said, there is no way I would tell my guests that throughout the reception they are not allowed to take photos of each other. Quite frankly if someone told me the this I'd be telling them where to go.

I'm setting up a photo page that all guests can upload their photos to and view photos posted by other guests. This will also enable those who are invited but unable to attend to view the celebrations.

I think you need to get over yourself, before you offend and upset a lot of guests.

We printed in our invitations 'please feel free to take photos, but we politely ask that you do not put them on social media'. We've also got the registrar to announce no photos at the start of the ceremony!

I think I'm going with the general consensus here...

I plan to put a note in our invitation explaining no photos during the ceremony, and nothing is to be uploaded to social media until the following day. This is mostly because I don't want evening guests seeing things before they arrive! But I think you're going to struggle if you don't want guests to take photos of eachother during the day? The last family wedding I went to was 2 years ago and I met up with family/friends I hadn't caught up with for some time, so we had a few photos of us looking 'dolled up' so to speak when we were outside the church after the ceremony whilst the bride and groom were off with the tog. So would you expect guests not to take those kinds of images? Only if your togs with you guys then they're not taking photos of the guests at that point, so they could miss something.

I went to a friend of my OH's reception a couple of months ago and although they had a tog it would have been impossible for him to sit all night with the bride/groom whilst everyone had their photo taken with them, but people just used their own phones/cameras to take a photo instead. The following day my OH posted the image with a 'congratulations' and I think that its nice for both guests and the bride/groom to get those sorts of images.

My final point is that I often post images of what we have been doing as a family or what my little boy is up to as I have family on the other side of the world who I like to keep up-to-date with what's going on in our lives!! So I think it's nice at times like that for them to see where we've been etc?

I think you need to seriously consider your reasons for wanting an unplugged wedding. If your doing it for the wrong reasons ie just to ensure that your OHs ex definately doesn't see any images of your wedding day, I think it will upset other guests that they can't have their own memories of your day. If it's that much of a concern her seeing those images why don't you simply ask your SIL not to send her any images until after the day. What she does after that can't really be controlled. If it was me I'd be quite happy for her to be showing his ex as many images as she liked of the pair of you having a wonderful day together!! If I'm honest I think I'd see it as a bit of a gloat moment 'he's mine now and there's nothing you can do about it' especially if you say she's tried to split you up in the past!

Thank you for your help. I do see both sides to this which is why I came here looking for advice. The no social media thing may be the way forward and maybe I didn't word it properly. However telling me to "get over myself" is slightly uncalled for. We are all here looking for advice not abuse xx

We put a note in our order of ceremony asking that our guests please refrain from taking photos during the ceremony as we wished them to enjoy the day through their own eyes, rather than through a camera or phone screen. We then gave them opportunities to take photos at the signing of the register and after the ceremony was over. We also asked that they didn't post their photos on social media until after the reception as we had people coming to the evening who hadn't been to the day. I wanted all our guests to see us in our finery for the first time on either our or their arrival - it meant a great deal to me as our reception was five days after our wedding.

However, once the reception was over, I wanted those photos posted - I wanted to see them and I wanted all our friends and family to see them - especially those who couldn't be there for either event.

Unlike you, I also wanted my OH's ex to see them!!! She has been, to be quite frank, exceptionally vile to both of us and it was the best way I knew to let her know that she would never win this battle - that we are married, that we intend to stay married and that we had a beautiful, very happy day.

By all means, ask your guests to refrain from posting photos on social media if that is your preference, but I don't think it is wise to prevent them taking photos at all - everyone wants their personal memories of your day and they will want to share them with you. You may well lose out on some beautiful, personal photos without them.

I think this is a common thing and all the weddings I've been to in the past couple of years have had no social media rules but sadly people don't seem to listen. A supplier was telling me the other day someone took a photo of the bride and put it on facebook before she even got to the church and the groom saw it.. so sad

It's your day, Maybe instead of banning it completely why not say during the ceremony? That way during the vows the "audience" face are clear and it doesn't cause confusion like;

"Can i check my phone at the recption"

"Can i take a picture with my partner and post that"

"Can i take a picture of this amazing chocolate fountain"

I wouldn't personally want to show up and be told no phone/social media or pictures ALL day but if there was a sign saying "Please refrain from using your phone/camera during the ceremony " Then that's more clear, less "in your face" and would personally make me feel better than being told "no cameras or social media al day" .. just my opinion, hope you work it out

I'm having an unplugged ceremony, but there's no way I'd dream of asking friends and family to not take photos for the rest of the wedding! Sorry, but that seems really bridezilla to me.

Luckily, I don't have the social media issue - not only are we not having evening guests, but where my venue is there is barely any wifi or mobile phone reception. If guests want to share the photos the following day, that's more than cool. I'll be looking forward to seeing all the things they captured that I missed because I was elsewhere or too wrapped up in my new husband to notice them.

We are requesting no social media uploads. it is a private event, we have specifically chosen guests we want to witness it. i wouldn't request that no photo's were taken. people want their own memories of the day to view when they choose, especially the older generation. have a good wander around the forum and dig out the incredibly sad threads where a tog has not delivered. on these occasions, friends phone snaps have been the only photographs they have.

the internet can be a cruel place, try typing 'ugly bride' or something similarly awful into google - do you really think any of those lovely ladies put the snaps up there themselves? i would have no problem guests uploading pictures of themselves, consenting friends or the room and decor.

while photo's are fine - videos to us are a definite no no. my dad suffers horrific anxiety and has a serious stammer - the fear of someone using a video camera would likely cause him to panic and potentially miss large parts of the day. simply not happening.

I compleatly get where your coming from.

My worse fear is of an ugly picture going up of me... i would be heart broken.

That and I dont want any pictures going up before the night do as to ruin it for the evening guests

SO... our plan is to pop a little note in with out invites explaining this.

And also a sign outside the church and venue reitterating this. Your guests should respect your wishes.

In respect of your thoughts on the x seeing your pictures, as you already stated, nothing will tear you appart, including a jelous x.

Your wedding day should be the ultimate proof of that.

so whilst your happily married and having the time of your life she will be seething oer your wedding pictures..... sad if you ask me, but if she does and doesnt have anything beeter to do. I wouldnt get to bothered if you can!!

ENJOY YOUR SPECIAL DAY AND REMEMBER IT IS ONLY EVER ABIUT YOU AND YOUR H"B

Loves,

xx

I understand where you are coming from and wouldn't want pics taken and uploaded to social media. My sister got married in September 2014 and the master of ceremony (our cousin) asked the guests not to put any pictures of the bride and groom on social media until they had come back from honeymoon as they would like to see the pics and enjoy the day before everyone else does! This seemed to work and people respected that. Some pics where put up of the guests taking them of each other and their family but none of the bride and groom. We thought this was the best of both worlds.