Unsure what to do

Ola, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts are with you and your OH. Only you two can say if it's the right thing to carry on or postpone, just take your time and don't rush your decision. What would your sister want you to do? I'm sure you'll make the right decision and I wish you all the best xx

So sorry to hear of your loss Only you can make the decision based on what you think is best. Maybe just hold off for a little while and decide a little bit later on. So sorry to read you are going through this.

I'm sorry for your loss. No one except you and your oh can decide if the wedding should go ahead or not..

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. ?

Only you can answer this question. I am sure your sister would have been happy if you are happy, so make whatever decision is right for you.

If I was in your position I would probably go ahead with the wedding as planned as I know my sister would want me to get on with my life and be happy.

This must all still feel very raw and your head must be all over the place so don't feel you have to make any rash decisions maybe see how you feel after a couple of weeks before making a final decision.

xx

Thank u all so much. Its strange that I suddenly had the urge to be alone and not talk to family however its so much easier to do it online. Crazy. Yes I will speak to him.

So sorry to hear this Ola.

If I were you, I would come off here and take a break from wedding things for a few weeks. It won't make much difference and 96 days is still a long time. Go and be with your loved ones and get your head around what has happened. I suspect you are suffering from shock so all the more to just take yourself away from here and come to terms with everything.

You'll have a better idea of what to do after some time. It's far too soon to be thinking about what you should do with the wedding.

Stay strong x

Sending big hugs to you hunni. I'm so sorry to hear your news. Nothing I say will make you feel better, but my heart goes out to you.

I cant tell you what to do about the wedding, but you don't need t decide right away, take your time to think about it.

My daughter died aged 21 four years ago. If you want to pm me & chat please do.xx

Thanks once again. I know I should be with family but strangely I don't. I guess I am still in denial but as you have all said I shoul defo take time out so If I dont reply in the next couple of days, that is what Il be trying to do.

So sorry for your loss.

I don't really have anything else to add that hasn't already been said. I hope you can take some time for yourself and see what you want to do afterwards

Oh Ola, I'm so so sorry to hear about your sister.

Whatever you do we'll be here to talk if you want us to be. Sometea it can help to just write feelings down.

If it was me I would still get married but that's my personal decision because I know my sister would want me to continue.

Sending you lots of weirdy Internet hugs.

Hi Ola

I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss.

Do what you feel is best as everyone is different, some people need to busy themselves and throw themselves in to something and others just need time out so do what you feel is best for you.

xx

I am so sorry for your loss.

Ultimately the decision to go ahead is yours and your H2B and depends on whether you feel you are able to carry on with the plans. However, I would be more inclined to go ahead with the wedding, it will keep your mind occupied and its not too far away. Plus if you were my sister I would want you to be happy and would hate for you to put your day off.

xxx

I am so sorry for your loss . Whatever decision you and your h2b make I am sure it will be what is right for you . I can't imagine what you are going through right now but know that my thoughts are with you x

Really sorry about your loss.

I would agree with your husband to be on this one, keeping busy may be the best thing to do, and of course weddings are a celebration so your family as well as you will have a lovely day. You can incorporate your sister, mum and grandparents into the wedding as well if you wanted to. Some brides have a small locket sized photo of their loved ones attached to their bouquet, for example.

I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be the right decision. Once again, so sorry to read this, very sad

My deepest condolences. I don't know what to advise as anything I say sounds so hollow. You are in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't really say anything that will help at the moment but as a few others have said you don't need to rush into a decision right away, you need some time to process this.

I agree with Mrs OH and others- I don't have a sister but if I did I would want her to be happy no matter what. If it was me I would go ahead if you feel you can as she would want you to be happy. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best and I'm sorry to hear you have suffered such tragedy in your life.

Ola, I am so sorry to hear your tragic news. Like everyone else on here you are in my thoughts.

you don't need to decide straight away - eventually you'll know what feels right for you.

You said finances are going to be tight and there's lots to do - Is this because you will have to organise and pay for your sisters funeral? I can see how this would add to the pressure of deciding what to do about your wedding. Are there other family members or close friends who could help share the load? When you feel ready to talk to them I'm sure you'll find your loved ones will be keen to help in whatever way they can.

As for your wedding, are there things you could alter to cut costs and the organising stress? Would your bridesmaids be able to pay for and maybe shop for their own dresses? You haven't said much about your plans so, when you are ready, whether that's for your original date or not, let us know and I'm sure we'll all help to come up with ideas to make your wedding work even if you have a reduced budget.

My partner and I have both lost family members and close friends who we would have dearly loved to have at our wedding. We are planning on having a table with photos of all of them so that they are in some small way still with us.

Take care and go at your own pace. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this, there is just your way.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine to think how you must be feeling right now.

I think you've still got a while to go so maybe step away from wedding stuff for a few days and give yourself some space to just think and take care of yourself?

Very sorry for your loss honey ... I can only imagine how terrible it must be for you and your family. no advice from me just sending a big hug xxx

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It must be devastating. My own sister is terminally ill and I am desperate to marry before she leaves us. I've thought long and hard about what I might do if she dies before I get married; we've been able to discuss it. She would want me to go ahead but I can't say with any certainty that I would be able to. It is such an awful thing to have to go through but I have no idea how I will feel once it actually happens. My family are generally one of "life must go on"'s families but it would be incredibly difficult.

There is no 'right' answer and you must do what feels right for you.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

Oh Ola, I'm so so sorry to read this.

My brother passed away suddenly too and I can definitely identify with the desire to hide away from those closest to you in the early days. Something that really helped me open up was talking to other bereaved siblings. There is a sibling support forum through a charity called The Compassionate Friends which you may want to take a look at. They have a help line: ****, and the website is here: http://tcfsiblingsupport.org.uk/

With regards to your wedding I think it's a really tough decision that only you and OH can make. I wasn't engaged when my brother passed away, but years later it still hurts to know he won't be at my big day. For that reason (&many more!) my OH and I are travelling abroad for a really small ceremony with just a handful of family members.

If you decide to go ahead there are lots of ways that you can include your sister, from subtly using her fave flowers in your bouquet, wearing a piece of her jewellery or perfume, attaching a locket/photo charm to your bouquet. Memorial candles, photo tables and empty chairs work for some people but aren't for everyone.

To be able to make an informed decision you will need to have the conversation about postponing with the church, caterers, reception venue etc.. See if there are any dates they could reschedule you for without charge? Do you have wedding insurance? Check the terms...

I hope you are taking care of yourself. Thinking of you xx

Words don't even come close....but all I would say is:

There are no rules as to how you will feel during this time - and no one will know exactly how you are feeling. You may have days when you are busy wedding planning and its all "normal" and you will have days where it is all surreal, along with those days of simply not knowing how on earth you are going to put one foot in front of the other.

All of that is completely normal.....but you need to be ready for others to make comment, to have their two pennorth of sympathetic advice....all meant with the best of intentions and the kindness of heart, but not always what you actually "need". But you DO need to remember that whatever you do is right for you.

At some point, though, if you throw yourself into the wedding preparation and keep going, although this may be a superb coping mechanism, there may well be a time that it all just hits you. This could be after the wedding itself, once you and OH have had your day, your tears of joy and sadness, and all those usual wedding emotions. And when it does hit you, it may be like a ten ton truck. THAT is when you need to be extra kind to yourself. Take whatever help is around, give into the grieving in the way that YOU need. It is sometimes easiest, or some say "best" to just keep going. But although us girlies are strong, we're not superhuman. We forget that sometimes, and I'm just saying be ready for it.

Whatever you choose to do WILL be right for you. I wish you all the very best x

Sorry for your loss...I think take your time to decide and when the time is right the decision will be easier to make

I just want to echo what everyone else is saying - I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry for you loss, my thoughts are with you, your H2B and your family.

Ola I am so so sorry.

Don't decide anything talk to your husband to be, friends etc and us on here and decide what you think is right in time.

X

I don't have any advice to offer other than that you don't have to make any decisions right now.

Thinking of you.

So sorry for your loss. You & OH will make whatever decision is right for you, however I do think your sister would be happy to have your big day go ahead and would love seeing you happy.

We're all here for some virtual hugs and support and help with whatever we can.