Well today and Saturday where the worse days.
Saturday I had to take my dogs to the rehoming centre in Stoke. I took a friend with me as H was more worried about geting his stuff up to Wakefield! It was very hard seeing them put into Kennels. I went into the kennel wit h them and just crumbled crying on the floor and was saying sorry to them over and over again, telling them that I loved them alot, and sorry that I had let them down, that I just wanted them to be happy in a new home and that I loved them so much. Their faces where shocked when I walked away to kind of say where the hell are you going. That picture of their faces are there very time I close my eyes and is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I phoned the rescue centre today and they said that they are still ate the kennels and that they are ok and will let me know when they get re-homed.
Me and H agreed today that we would say goodbye today when I left him tonight, that we would treat it as a see you later, as a goodbye is so final and sad. We where standing in my front garden and was crying my eyes out and we kissed each other (not a snog!) and said see you later and I said I love you, but he knew I was going to say that, but he knew in what term I meant that in. I didnt watch him walk away as that would have been way to hard.
So he goes after work tomorrow and straight up to Wakefield and I dont think I will ever see him again and that really hurts.
I feel like I have lost so much, my H, dogs and my house. This stuff really hurts.
Sorry to ramble on but I think writting it down might help.
