Upset

1. She is throwing her toys out if the pram but if it was all the same for you, you could change. I had a big bash for my 30th and I would have been sad to change it.

2. Why not a 32 year old bride?

Personally I think she's being daft but I didn't have a big bash for my 30th.

Even if she's not bridesmaid, that won't solve her issue of the family having to travel twice.

Is there a particular reason you want that date? Not that I think you should change it but maybe for a quiet life?

Confused- If she is planning on going away then her family won't be travelling down as she won't be there surely?

also what footlong said what's the big deal about being a 32 yo bride rather then a 31 yo bride?

What a load of nonsense.

Her nonsense: it's not as if your wedding day is the same day as her 30th. Get over it. Plus, who is she to say what "the family" will want to do?

Your nonsense: don't want to be a 32yr old bride??? Exactly how is that better or worse than 31 or 33? I could very, VERY vaguely see where you were coming from if you were 29 and wanted to be married in your 20s, but you're well into your 30s so it's not an issue. I was 38, others here older. Who cares?

Hmm, missed this first time around. So, she's away (in which case, rearrangement maybe necessary) or having a big party (in which case, rearrangement may be nice) or being snotty and selfish (in which case, tell her to do one). However, as before, is it really impossible to change your date?

I'm going to a 37 year old bride, it's okay.......;-)

Why is she worried about family not travelling twice, does she think they will boycott her 30th bash for your wedding? lol so basically anytime after is ok for her but anytime before and you suck... id go with your date, its not on the same date as hers so there should be no issue. You are planning your wedding NOW and her Birthday isnt for almost another 2 years!!!

I'm sorry, I'm confused about the age thing. Why would it matter if you're 32? Think this might be the answer for you... be a 32 year old bride + choose a different date if you cannot afford to get married sooner. Easier life that way.

I don't get the age issues but despite that, I think she's being a bit of a princess.

As much as I love a quiet life, I would be hesitant to change my plans because someone's being a bit of a spoilt brat about their birthday.

Obviously if you think it'll have a negative impact on your wedding (i.e. people won't come) then change it, but I would personally tell her to grow up.

I was a 32 year bride, I don't get what the issue is??

Apart from that, I agree she's being a bit of a spoilt brat, it's not like it's the same day.

Thanks guys I think it's more the fact that we've had to justify why we want to get married on that day that upset me. She was the same when me and her brother had a joint 30th bday last year . Other half has had a word with her and explained that its our day and if we want to get married that day then we will and we shouldn't have to justify why . Also he said that she will hav a birthday every yr but we want to get married once etc. I don't like the tension it will cause but i agree it had to be said xx

Well done to your OH! :-)

Sorry guys but I'm going to go against the grain here because I can see both sides of this.

Yes, it is your wedding and your big day and you will only do it once - but she is turning 30 which is a big milestone birthday and she will only turn 30 once. If there are two family occasions in the same month to choose from, there will be no competition - the whole family will choose your wedding, leaving her birthday party as a bit of a crappy non-event.

Also - if your wedding is 9 days before her 30th birthday, does that mean you guys will be on your honeymoon during her birthday??? Perhaps her brother not being there for her 30th may also be upsetting her too?? I'm not telling you to change your date, I'm just trying to let you see it from her point of view and why she is probably feeling a bit deflated.

However, saying that, if it was my brother getting married, I would accept the situation with good grace, have a small immediate family get together on my birthday and then have a big family party next month to make up for it.

Confused for not want to be a 32 year old bride, what a difference between 31 and 32?

I'm kinda with Chickster on this one, I can see both sides & can understand why she is upset.

I know if we were getting married just before one of my OH's sisters' big birthdays they'd have a head fit!! ? lol

Just to demonstrate how much weddings overshadow birthdays - our wedding day is 8 days before my dad's 50th. He's more than happy, as everyone is currently clucking over the wedding, and have all forgotten all about his birthday which as far as he's concerned is great!! ? (as an aside, we're back from honeymoon the day before, so we won't miss it!)

Personally if in the space of 9 days I had my brothers wedding watching him marry his dream girl and having the honour of being a bridesmaid AND my blow-out the 30th bday party I'd be thinking...... I CANT WAIT FOR OCTOBER!

But thats just me!!

Actually, I'd be miffed if my sister decided to get married so close to a milestone birthday too.

Yes, she does have a birthday every year, but not a milestone one. She can't exactly throw a party for her 31st birthday. And, if the family have to travel, it's a no-brainer that they'd rather travel for a wedding than for a birthday party.

Is there a reason you cannot move your wedding a month either side?

1. I agree, 30th is a big milestone and she's probably been looking forward to it for a long time and is understandably upset. If it was a space of 2-3 days then it wouldn't be an issue probably as friends and relatives who are travelling down could be convinced to stay an extra couple of days to do both. Even if you didn't celebrate your 30th, some people really enjoy sharing their "big" day with friends and relatives so yes there are valid reasons to be upset. You'd have though that your OH would have thought of that when booking or considering? When we looked at dates for our wedding, we did consult our family and OH said he was not happy to share his b'day with the wedding date early next year either (which I thought was drastic as I was more than happy to have the wedding near my b'day .....that would be a double celebration double pressies hhehe)

She's probably thinking -- they have the WHOLE year to get married....why so close to my b'day?

2. I'm with the others.....don't get the turning 32 bit.

You may only have one wedding day, she'll have other birthdays! Speak to your fiancé and see if he can stop her acting like a spoilt kid!

I think you're jumping the gun saying that. Yes she'll have other birthdays but she will only turn 30 once so I can understand why she is a bit upset.

Also, at no point did the original poster describe her as acting like a spoilt kid - she said she was 'being a bit huffy' about the date because of her 30th birthday, which considering what the OP actually wrote in her post, isn't that unreasonable for the sister to initially feel like that because:

1) the OP's main reason for getting married close to the sister's birthday is because she "doesn't want to turn 32 when she gets married" (bit of a pathetic reason if you ask me - I will be 36 when I get hitched and couldn't be happier)

2) The whole family will pick the wedding over her 30th birthday party - it sounds like she was really looking forward to celebrating this with the family and now won't be able too.

I think this is a situation that perhaps needs a little compromise and sensible discussion on both sides, rather than just simply telling someone to shut up and stop acting like a spoilt kid.

I think this is a situation that perhaps needs a little compromise and sensible discussion on both sides, rather than just simply telling someone to shut up and stop acting like a spoilt kid.

I quite agree.

i can see both the OP's point and her soon to be sister in law's too. I will be 31 (nearly 32 when we get married) and while it doesn't bother me (fiancé will be pushing 45!!) I can understand why some people want to do it before a certain age. My sister in law to be will be 30 when she gets married but would much rather be 29!! Unfortunately she is currently pregnant so she has no chance of that, as she wants to be back in shape! Her 30th birthday is one week after we get married and will have a 3 month old. We discussed the wedding date with her prior to booking anything and she was more than happy for us to do it then. Obviously if it had upset her, we would have accommodated that.

*looks for the LIKE button*

You said it perfectly Chickster!

I would be pretty upset if were her FSIL. Apart from the fact that family/friends will have to choose come to the wedding and not her b'day, they wont be able to afford two sets of pressies! I am sure she wants to feel special and like a princess on her 30th which is a pretty big deal for most girls. Its the end of your 20's and going into womanhood and all that jazz

OP - Honestly, you can get married any day in the year but she can't change her birthday and that its a big day for her. If you won't change the date.....how about since Oct 3rd is a Friday........suggest the birthday party is on the 4th Saturday which makes it easier for family and friends to stay one on night and leave on Sunday? Perhaps you can help in someway with the planing?

See in my opinion, I don't see why they can't do both.

Next year, my OH has his brothers stag do abroad, followed by their wedding abroad, followed by his best friend's stag - this is all in the space of less than a month!

People may have to make a bit more effort to do both, but then if they are not happy to make the effort, is it that important they are there?!

My brother got married 6 days before my 30th birthday in Northern Ireland

This meant that family didn't want to travel to my party in SE England the following weekend, so I didn't end up having one !

Respect to your OH.