upset and stressed xx

Suzie, don't feel guilty. You are their child and I'm sure the last thing your parents would want would to be putting any more stress or worry your way.x

When you get home, relax, have a long soak and a rest. then if you feel you need to give your mum a call again and tell her you'd love to see her but have so much going on right now that you'll have to see her on saturday. Maybe she can get ready at yours or the other way around so she feels she has a little time alone with you before the big event.xx

Sorry to hear you're upset and stressed. not sure if you want solutions or just wanted to rant, if it's the former, i'd suggest contacting your mum, dont let her guilt you and very firmly tell her you cannot see her any sooner as you are just too busy, regarding work, I know it's easier said than done but try and just let it wash over you, at the end of the day, it's just work and we just work to live not live to work so don't let it get you down....

If it's the latter (rant).... **hugs** I know how you feel - we all get days like this..... xx

Treat yourself to chocolate/wine or something fun this evening to de-stress! ?

Eek. There's close family, then there's being tied to apron strings and living in pockets! 3 times since Saturday?! We live about half an hour from my parents. We took Mum for lunch on Saturday but before then I can't tell you when I last saw her, probably several weeks. If either we or my parents needed anything from each other, we're always there for each other, but we don't call or pop round that often. Does she expect you to spend that much time with her forever? I'd find a nice way of saying "look Mum, you know I love you, but I can't visit all the time. I have a job, I'm planning a wedding, and I have my own life to live". How old / mobile is she? Is there any reason she is looking to you to fulfil her social life? My parents are both 69, Mum works part time purely for the social aspect, Dad is involved in various clubs, projects and groups, and half the time when I suggest popping round, it's they who are too busy! I'd say you mum definitely has an underlying issue if she thinks 3 visits in 4 days is insufficient!

Please don't be upset this should be a happy time.

Im an only child and I sympathise, my mum is obsessed with knowing everything thatis happening but this is a bit extreme. I think the others are right you need to talk to her about it and just explain you are busy. She will understand. Maybe organise an event, like dinner out, post wedding so there is something for her to look forward to then as well

Thanks guys

I just needed to rant - my parents are both in their 70's and to cut a long story they moved about 6 years ago to a place they don't like and they never go out and if they do its for shopping or walking the dogs - i go round at least twice a week as it is to bath the dogs or just to see them etc as they can't manage lifting them anymore - they don't have any hobbies or anything even though I have tried and when I do go round the only question they ask when I'm leaving is when they will see me again. it doesn't normally bother me but my mum was so short with me on the phone that it just bought on another round of tears - I'm feeling emotional writing this. To top it off dad has just runs work asking if I'm ok and when he will next see me that i just said I don't know - I just want space from them and Im not getting it - I just don't know what to do.

How does your OH cope with your parents being so reliant on you? Are you planning on still seeing them so much once you are married? What do they do when you go on holidays?

I have a similar situation with my mother & grandmother. Nan rings my mother up to 6x per day & if mum hasnt taken her out every other day, she complains.

Have you looked at what older groups things are available in the area? Church group, local community things, local interest groups, gardening, dogs, music- anything? There must be something they are interested in that they could get involved in rather than making YOU the only focus of their life. I too think 3 visits a week is a bit much, considering you are trying to organise a wedding & have your own life. Couldnt you make yourself LESS available? The only way to cut the apron ties is to make them realise that you have a life away from them, & they need to find something else in their lives to entertain themselves other than you.

I know it sounds harsh, but unless you make it clear now that you have your own life, it will only get worse. As much as your OH might pretent it doesnt bother him, I bet it does.

Oh Hun, have a hug xxx. This sounds so much like how my 94yr old grandmother is with my aunt. Aunt visits nearly every day, yet Nan moans she "never sees her". I really feel for you. It's obvious that there is a lot more to this than then not seeing you. I'd say it's a combination of:

1. Reluctance to acknowledge their recent loss of strength and mobility. If you are there, they don't have to think about it and it's not a problem. When you are not there it stares them in the face and that must be scary for previously active people.

2. Living somewhere they don't like. Must be very frustrating. Are they in a position to move, with help?

3. No outside interests. Would they be open to discussing activities they could get involved in? Not easy to bring up, but you can't go on running your own house, job and life and still having this stress. Is there a way to broach the subject in a way that makes it clear that you know they need something, but that something can't be you all the time.

I'm sure their answer will be that they don't need anything else if they have you, the dogs, and each other, but that's clearly not the case.

Sorry I can't be of more help, but I do think that sooner or later the issues will need to be addressed.

My OH is my rock but I know it annoys him seeing me so upset and relied upon - I don't know what I would do without him - I'm going to sit down with him tonight and decide on a plan of action - my visits will definitely have to reduce after we are married.

i have tried and tried and tried to get them into outside hobbies but to no avail - but if i was to organise something and go with them they would be happy.

I just need some serious space from them and they have to realise that xx

If they wont participate in anything outside the house without you, I'd be leaving some brochures for local activites/older groups etc with them. The only way you will get space is by NOT seeing them every few days. You are already busy with your own life & they need to realise that you wont always be at their beck & call.

I wouldnt be waiting till after the wedding to cut back on visits, personally I'd be doing it now.