Upset & angry over no-shows on the day -need to rant- what should I do ?

I can understand why you are upset and I would be very hurt if my friends acted in this way. I'm not sure that messaging them was the right thing to do though? Realistically do you expect them to pay you for the food etc?

had there been any falling out at all? Any disagreements? It's odd they would both take this upon themselves for no reason.

With regards to the cat, if it was a child would you be more understanding? I view my cats as children. If they were poorly I would consider where I went. I would go all I could to avoid missing a friends wedding but I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to one of them and I wasn't there.

Overall you need to try and 'let go' you don't want those first early weeks of married life to be marred by this. They have made thier intentions clear. Move on in your new life with your h.

Agree with Mini. You're married, nothing else matters. You would have spent the money had they come, so they haven't actually cost you more money. And surely friendship is more important than one day? I had people not show up, actually one friend didn't show to the hen do, promised she'd be at the wedding reception, and didn't turn up. Another colleague "forgot" or had stuff on. Does it matter? No. Did we have food left over? Yes, but that was budgeted for so although there was wastage, it wasn't as if we had to pay more for the no shows.

Keep your friends, remember that your wedding is just another day to everyone else, and move on and enjoy married life xx

Blimey some good advice for once mini one.... you off the wine?

I'd let it go.

Yes, it was sh!tty of them, but did their absence have any real impact on the day? i doubt it.

All I'm going to say is - atleast they let you know in advance! OK, 4 hours isnt enough time to do anything about, neither a day or two...but they let you know.

We've had a few who were no shows but RSVP'd yes. They didnt contact us before hand, they havent even said anything since - and like you not a card or well wish... and 2 months since the wedding I'm not even going to bother finding out why they didnt turn up... One particularly I'd spoken too online a few days before hand and was looking forward to coming and I havent spoken to her since. No reason for fallings out or anything - I just see it as another chapter in our lives that those people didnt want to be apart of, and I'm going to force them too.

I also think, evening receptions arent as big of deal to people as going to the whole day. Its just like a large party and if say you'd thrown a birthday party and someone let you know the night before they couldnt come because their cat was ill, you wouldnt play a guilt trip on them and let them know the food had been wasted.

Plus, you wernt exactly out of pocket as it had been budgetted and and in a way that meant more guests could have more food, wine and cake so think of it that way and forget the individual costs ? It honestly isnt worth fretting about! Just enjoy married life with your new spouse!

I would feel angry too, and although I agree with Mini that messaging about their absence may not have been a good idea, I would have probably done the same without asking about money. I would be more upset and hurt that 2 good friends had let me down at short notice and would be laying that on them rather than focussing on the cash. Hopefully they will message you and maybe try to work things out, but it doesn't sound like you are a priority for them sad as it is to say.

I disagree with Barefoot for once here, I think they have made themselves clear and you should perhaps think about moving on without them now. It sounds as if they have both made choices they could have guessed would be hurtful yet did so anyway. I had something similar with a friend over my wedding and remember someone telling me bluntly this very same thing - perhaps they want to cut the ties and have chosen this way to do so. Let them go.

Thanks for your replies everyone. There was no falling out and no, of course I did not expect any money- I just wanted them to know I was upset and I suppose that was a roundabout way of telling them I felt let down and that other friends had missed out that would have liked to have come along.I probably would not have done this, had I heard from either of them asking how it went or whatever,but after a few days stewing on it and no communication I sent the messages.I see what you're trying to say about it being just one day, but it wasn't any old day,but my Wedding celebration and I know that if it were me nothing would stop me from being there. My parents,husband and other friends were all disgusted that these two dropped out at the last minute so its not a case of me being over sensitive,just expecting a little more consideration from my oldest friends. I suppose I'll just have to get over it,but I don't have to like it and I don't really want people in my life who think it's ok to be flippant with my friendship...so I will forget about it,and them,and move on x

I can understand why you're so upset about it. This isn't a work colleague or casual acquaintance that didn't turn up, it's people who have been in your life for 30 years. I too would be utterly devastated. I don't think I'd have taken the email and demand money approach though. I'd have made a phone call so I could actually hear their excuses without them having the chance to draft out an email. They have probably taken this as a "cough up or we're finished" ultimatum which is possibly not what you intended. I think I'd still be inclined to call (or if you can't bring yourself to do that then message them again) saying you're aware how your last message sounded and in hindsight isn't what you meant but that you are hurt by their total disregard to your big day.

Oh Selena I am sorry to hear about that - i think that is truly awful behaviour and unforgivable.

I completely understand that you asked them for money simply to make the point that their no-show had left you lout of pocket. Personally, I wouldn't have bothered contacting them again and certainly wouldn't never ask for money, but understand you were trying to make a point. And most venues you pay per person, so you would have been out of pocket. We had to confirm final numbers 3 days before the big day, so anything past them would have left us out of pocket.

Yes you are married and everything is fluffy and lovely, but it doesn't stop you feeling hurt about their truly awful behaviour and I think you have been very badly let down.

I wouldn't bother with them again - they do not sound like true friends by any stretch of the imagination.

I lost one friend over my wedding, as he badly let me down and make no effort to make it up to me or apologise so decided he wasn't worth any more of my time.

I dont really have advice to add, but I will say I would feel absolutely horrible as well. When you feel used or that you arent worth someones time, its a horrible feeling.

Personally I wouldn't be contacting them because I thinnk its up to them to take responsibility for that. Like they say, actions speak louder than words.

I can understand your feelings. Similar thing happened at our daughter's wedding but our family rather than their friends that let us down. As annoying and upsetting as it is, it's often said that weddings and funerals bring the best and worst out in people and sadly it's occasions such as these when emotions are running high that you realise who your real friends are. Friends like this, you don't really need anymore. I would let it go and leave it up to them to get in touch if they want to.

Thank for the further replies- lots of different opinions on this one and I do accept that I didn't react in the right way initially but you don't always think it through properly when you're upset about something and these friends know me well enough to realise that. Just to clarify that both friends had searched for me on facebook after we had gradually lost touch when we all moved to different areas, so it's not like they deliberately wanted to cut ties . As for the reception, it was a full reception with a table plan,favours,wedding cake and a sit-down meal and drinks starting at 6pm so it wasn't just like being invited as an add-on at 8pm after all the good bits were over, so we did have empty chairs and we had paid per person in advance. Anyway, after reading all your responses to this I think I will be the one to cut the ties- appreciate everyone's opinions ,many thanks.