Upset bride to be..and a rant.

Slightly confused? Did your parents offer to pay for your wedding previously?

How sad for your Mum that she feels she has to explain why she isn't going to pay for your wedding. If she had a million pounds in the bank she still wouldn't have to pay for it. You booked a wedding and called to tell tham that you were engaged (congratulations0 but i cannot imagnie how the converstaion wodul come round to them paying or not. It's frankly bizarre.
If your Mum chooses to play bingo, or buy housewares, or throw a party for your brother then why shouldn't she? They haven't been on holiday for years because they have been helping you out. Traditionally the bride's family pay for the wedding and then that's it: no additional help, no house deposit, certainly no living expenses for grandchildren. It seems from what you say that you've already spent your wedding fund!

You are honestly thinking of telling your Mum to eff off and not have her at your wedding? Really? Because you maintain that she 'has to make everything about herself' while she's been putting you through Uni, supporting your home and your family? Wow.

Couldn't have said it better.

Unless they previously offered to pay I'm not sure I understand why they should pay for your wedding instead of spend their own money on themselves? Even if they had agreed to pay I would have expected some kind of discussion about venue, budgets and timescales before booking anything. I'm sorry but unless there's a big back story here I can't see what your Mum has done wrong!

This *has* to be a troll!

Obvious troll is obvious.

Sigh.

Wow. I mean, just...wow.

Have you read your post back? I'm really sorry but, whether you intended to or not, your post makes you sound like a complete spoilt brat.

So, your parents have supported you financially; trips abroad, university, deposit for a house and your two children and now you're complaining that they're not paying for your wedding as well? This level of financial support is something that a lot of people can only dream of. My parents would LOVE to help me out more financially (I don't have any children or own a house as we can't afford it at the moment) but they can't help because they aren't too well off. But I don't berate them for it, or call them selfish and I wouldn't DREAM of telling them not to come to my wedding because they're not paying for it. Until now, I didn't believe that there was a human being alive who would.

I don't think you're going to find much support on here, to be brutally honest.

I hope for the sake of all humanity that this is a troll.

Jesus wept.

You're an adult. If they're still paying for everything for you, how do you not think that's a burden on them? Let them have their holiday that THEY have worked for, and you have the wedding YOU can afford. If they offer to pay that's fair enough but you shouldn't expect it.

I think it might be the Mum reversing things to show her daughter later.

I'm not sure I understand why you are expecting your parents to pay for it all (obviously unless this has been discussed before) but you mentioned that you can kind of live with it as your OH's Mum is paying. Personally I think this is quite insulting that you appear to be expecting someone else to pay for your day (please do say if I have got the wrong end of the stick).

You have 2 kiddies, when they grown up and you are enjoying your life, would you go without holidays or new cars, and social lives to pay for their wedding, alongside helping out.

I'm sure once you get into the swing of WP you will find people (not just your Mum) will have a say in how things happen and they don't have to 'pay to be heard'.

Just take a step back and view your Mum as an adult who wants to enjoy life, not someone who is to be leaned on by her kids/grandkids for life for her services.

Chin up, i'm sure you will soon forget feeling like this.

I have fended for myself since I was 16, never had handouts or anything.....I would never EXPECT my mom to pay for anything of mine..........she made her money, she should enjoy it!

My parents have supported me enormously over the years, helping me furnish a house from scratch after a messy break up, substantial financial contributions when I had each of my children and during my time as a single mother, if something broke they helped fix it. When H2B and I moved in together they even leant him the deposit to buy the final share of his property so he could rent it out. When we announced we'd set the date for the wedding not once did I expect them to contribute. We're adults, we're big enough to book it then we're big enough to pay for it. Not once have my parents ever felt the need to justify their position to me, I know I've had my wedding fund and more over the years. Regardless, it's not their day to pay for! Your poor mum has obviously lost sleep worrying how she can justify herself to you if she's managed to come up with so many reasons. She shouldn't have to! It's THEIR money, NOT yours.

In simpler terms... get over yourself and stop being so spoilt.

And you sound very grateful for the help Icklefee and never expected it..........there is a huge difference helping your child out (I will always be there for mine) and being expected to as the OP clearly does.

God help either of mine if they ever think like that!

This is shocking.

Me and my OH have never accepted money from anyone until both of our parents offered to contribute. We couldn't be more grateful and for that reason have made every provision to make them happy for the day.

I am so sad for your mum to have to justify anything to you.

This has got to be a troll post, surely?

Reading back, yes it does sound bad.. But when I wrote this I wasn't in the right frame of mind.. I didn't write this to be a troll, nor to sound like a spoilt brat. I don't articulate myself very well and I was writing as I thought so it came out all wrong.
I'm not upset that they aren't paying for it at all; as I SAID it's understandable, so don't call me names. Please. We support ourselves quite happily, I never asked my mum to support me she did it from her own kindness and now it seems she's using it all against me. She did say (before the booking was confirmed) that she'd contribute something to the wedding, though I told her I wasn't expecting much.

THIS IS WHY I WROTE THE POST IN THE FIRST PLACE....
I'm just super upset that my mum has made me sound like this one huge problem to them, I wrote down everything in a bid to get some sort of back ground story to it. I was telling you the excuses that she made, and how almost all of them were linked to something to do with me. Yet, as I stated I didn't ask for these so I find it a little unfair that she's now using it against me and making me feel bad for what they've done for me over the years. And none of the comments were kind, nor helpful. And in answer to someone's question, no I haven't posted here before, I'm new.
I was more wondering if anyone else's mum had been funny with them? She doesn't like my partner, so I'm wondering if that's why she's retracted her offer?
If you're just going to put pointless, judgemental comments, don't bother.
The last two paragraphs I've tried to explain why I wrote the post, although it will probably be misinterpreted but if you focus on the questions it may make more sense? I don't know, I've tried.

Fair enough. That does make more sense why you're upset; if she's voluntarily thrust money at you and is now claiming that you've been nothing but a burden and have bled her dry, that is more of a real problem.

It's difficult to come up with a helpful suggestion, my folks have been nothing but supportive. It sucks that a wedding can sometimes bring out someone's true colours. What makes you think she doesn't like your other half? Have they had a full on falling out?

Tbh I still don't understand your frustration. If your mum and dad helped you out with the kids, I cant really see why you'd expect her to contribute towards the wedding. Maybe her 'excuses' are because she feels guilty that she wants to spend her money on herself (fair enough), but wants you to understand her reasons or is trying to justify it to herself?

We are in the very fortunate position that both sets of parents have been very generous and contributed. However, OH's parents are making a considerably larger contribution than mine. I too have been supported by my mum and had a conversation about wedding costs etc where she said she would have liked to have helped more and mentioned previous support she has given me. I know she feels bad that his parents are paying more and feels they might judge her. Maybe your mum feels the same and that's why she justified herself?

I didn't take this conversation with my mum personally at all. I am just delighted she will be involved in the day, and grateful for the help she is giving. Despite the fact that she has contributed less she will still end up more involved than OH's parents because she is my mum!

This

Now back under your bridge, trip-trap, trip-trap...

I'm fortunate in the fact my mum, dad and other family members on my side of family, have come forward and offered help with the wedding! I've not requested help nor did I expect it! I'm very grateful... On the flip side OH family are not contributing a penny, this was really bugging me because his mum is forever trying to get involved with planing and everything she suggest is super expensive! I suggested they book photographer she and her husband like... They said no! Initially before we even booked anything they passed comments such as oh the brides family pay for wedding... And 'when we got married we paid for it ourselves' so I knew we'll before we had a date they'd make no contribution. I know they'll treat their daughter differently and it makes me feel bad for my OH but I'm but letting it get to us at all! Just going to carry on planing the day we can afford with my families help and send them an invitation!

Im sure your parents have your best interest at heart... Sounds like they've done a lot for you over the years don't let this issue of money ruin your relationship! You've had your time now, let them have theirs!

That's pretty much what she is doing.
Yes, my mum has told me point blank she doesn't like my OH and my OH is tired of my mum putting him down all of the time, so kinda stuck in the middle in that one, and neither of them currently want to reach a compromise and start over.. I don't even know why she doesn't like him, my mum has never said why she dislikes him and it started on her end first.. =/Whenever I ask she just say's because... and changes the subject.

I never asked for them to contribute to the wedding, they offered when they thought it was miles down the line. And it seems as though literally overnight they've changed their mind. And when I've tried to offer my parents money for what they've brought they've refused it which is why this is so frustrating. I've always gone to pay it back. Mind you, me and my mum have never been 100% and this is the kind of thing she does to me - she's always used things against me since I was ten (because i 'chose' my dad over her when they broke up, that's how she saw it)
I didn't even ask my mum to give me reasons or excuses. I was happy enough with the phone call last night saying they couldn't afford it, it was off of her own back that she went into excuses. And it's partly the reason I want to tell her to go away, because comments like what she's said really aren't helping me; and making me feel guilty of things they've brought isn't fair either I don't think.. Especially as I said I'd pay it back. Even if I didn't have the money right then, it was there the next time kind of thing.

OK, giving you the benefit of the doubt on the troll front...

While it might be difficult to have the financial support you've received from your parents itemised in such a way, I think you need to take a deep breath and start planning the wedding you want and can afford, without dwelling any further on it.

Your parents clearly - clearly - love you very much, seeing you through university, into a house and helping with grandchildren. I suspect your Mum is feeling guilty about wanting to spend money on themselves and hasn't handled the situation very well. But then, nor did you. So give her a bit of slack and start over.

You think you've got it bad... my mum wont buy me a pony! ?

Ok - giving you the benefit of the doubt, use your own behaviour here to help understand your mum. Your first post was horrible, and if you were upset it makes more sense, but it was still horrible -= just maybe her reaction isn't perfect either.

she probably does want to help, you say she's helped lots before, but feels guilty that she's planning other things - well, help her feel less guilty, say you understand totally and you feel she's more than contributed to helping you over the years and you're thrilled she's taking some time for her.

She sounds like she's been very supportive of you over the years, so maybe its your turn to support her decisions.

Weddings are for grown ups - yes its wonderful if you get financial help, but hell, if you don't, have a smaller, cheaper, more affordable wedding

I really hope this is a troll and not a real person.

Are you looking for a free tog as well?

Footers has hit the nail on the head as per usual.

Putting myself in your mum's shoes, she's done all she can to help you, always, without being asked, and is now understandably feeling guilty for not being able to help with the wedding even thought it may be the one thing you would have expected her to help with. After all they've done your parents deserve a break though.

Your mum sounds like my mum, she paid a fair amount towards my wedding, then started planning a few home improvements and a holiday then my sister got engaged so all that went on hold. I felt bad for my mum but she can still do the things she planned next year instead (lucky she only had 2 of us) but then we haven't gone to uni or had kids so the wedding was something she could help with financially and wanted to help with.

mine did!!! Then used selling her as a threat to make me behave myself till I was financially independent. :-) clever thinking really. Saved her hours of nagging and punishing, I never had to be grounded, never broke curfew (which I set for myself :-) )

When I first read this I thought you said 'tree frog'. I was slightly confused!!

I think you need to change your original post - you say you didn't mean for it to sound that way but it makes you sound like such a horrible person, who is angry that her mother isn't paying for her wedding.

I think it sounds like your parents have had enough of paying out for things - I know it hurts, but they have to draw the line somewhere. They probably told you all those things to stop themselves from feeling guilty. Don't hold it against them - weddings can be super expensive.

Me and my OH decided to get married and pay for everything ourselves. My parents gave us some money as a wedding present but I didn't put any of it towards the wedding.

I don't think you should not invite your parents just because they gave you bad reasons for not paying towards the wedding.