Venue, family, Numbers - cabbages please

I had 58 guests, day through evening. We missed a fair few family members off our list but were more than happy with that. To be honest, I have nearly that number of cousins alone, so impossible to invite everyone.

We wanted a close and intimate wedding, and we stuck to our guns when my mother wanted us to ask people we'd never met.

Only way to solve this is to draft up your guest list of who YOU want to invite and then go from there.Weddings don't come in a uniform size, its about who you and your OH want to witness your vows. We're having about 64 to ours and that's perfect for us and only us.

I think around 80 guests is pretty average. Loads of the weddings I have been to had about this amount. We had 140 but that's because we have big families that we're very close to. If we weren't as close to them then I would have been fine cutting it down to that kind of number. Will you be inviting more in the evening? We had more people coming in the evening and I was conscious that I wanted them to get the most out of the day so I started the evening do at 6pm.

I had 65 and I also think its a good thing that it limits the amount of people who can come so its an excuse you can use IF you think other family members are going to invite people you didn't want to.

We're having 50. The last one I went to seemed quite big but the said they planned 70 and ended up with 80. I agree it's good to make sure you have limited numbers so you're not forced to invite (and pay for) people you don't want!

This! It's all well and good saying 78 should be enough, but until you have a guest list then you just don't know. We thought 50-60 would be plenty for us, but we ended up with 90-100 on our list. You also need to work out how much it will cost with the price per head. 78 might be fine, until they tell you it's £75 per person and it goes over your budget. Don't let other people tell you who to invite. It's about you and your OH and who you want to spend your wedding day with.

We'll probably end up having 80 to the day...there's a few family members I haven't invited as I don't want them there, and a few who won't be able to make it as they live abroad and only get limited holiday (which is fine with me).

We could have invited more, as we have to hit a minimum spend with the venue, but I would rather spend more on the people I want there, than have more people I can spend less on.

I would draft up your guest list as others have suggested - if that number still works within the 78 then great, if not you may have to look for another venue.

Also bear in mind that children will take up one space, even babies in highchairs.

And don't forget to count yourselves! Sounds daft but it happens all the time.

Morning Hitchers

Thank you all guys, a little sanity check goes far, I did a provisional list and it came to about 170 guests but looks like I have no choice but to do the list again, which I’ve been avoiding if I am honest. I’ll review the list of who I want and take it from there, I do have a big family but I am trying to do quality of quantity I could invite Auntie Random and Uncle Who to please certain folk but its not worth it, I think if I have to miss of those that have been brought something positive to our lives I’ll reconsider. If we do go up to 100 for example it adds £2k to the cost which once again it is what it is, if it’s the people you want there.

Kristabubble – I did think about that so I was thinking that we could keep the 78 as adults with the kids in the other connecting room, its right next door and as they aren’t really interested in speeches they could still sit in there and still be close with a books to write/draw in etc to keep them entertained that may help with numbers maybe??

I know, I nearly did that along with forgetting the bridal party last night...I felt like such a donut!!

You can only work this out by writing your guest list. If needed get parents to view it just to check there is no-one important missing, then count them.

For information purposes, I had 56 day guests, only increased to about 80 in the evening, so it would have been fine for me, but you cant decide on a venue till you have a guest list.

You can but there are some parents that might not want to put their children in another room. Also I doubt the venue would allow it, without the children having proper supervision.

You could hire a wedding creche type thing, but that's probably not that cheap (no idea what they'd cost, sorry) and even then, you can't guarantee parents would be happy leaving their children with essentially a stranger. I don't have kids so can't comment, but I imagine there will be some people with that opinion.

It completely depends on the size of your family and how close you are to them. We invited 82 and had 75 there on the day. I have a reasonably big family (22 including aunts/uncles and first cousins) while OH's was much smaller - only 12. Mum wanted me to invite lots of random 2nd cousins and so on but I put her off that quite quickly!

We also only invited really close friends to the whole day, we didn't invite many partners if we didn't know them, and none of our friends had kids so we didn't need to worry about that. If yours are different from this, you'll have to think about how to prioritise!

We had a similar situation. Venue can take 92 in the main barn or open out into the newer extension to seat 120. Apart from us not being able to afford to cater for 120 at a sit down, for anyone in the extension part to us it felt like being invited round for dinner and everyone is in the dining room while you are sat in the conservatory! LOL. Both sides have loads of family, my OH has lot from Ireland and London, and my lot are local. As a cousin has already done this I know my cousins would be cool - As they are local they are invited to the church part (Plenty big enough) and then only the evening reception. That took 33 adults (as they're all married now) and 23 children off the list for sit down. Quite a saving.

We have 54 on our list with no extra people coming to the evening - we are having our wedding breakfast in the evening anyway.

I'm not inviting any aunts, uncles or cousins from one side of the family and only one set from the other. The reason? We never see them & I'd much rather invite my close friends who I went to school with who I see on a regular basis than people who I never see.

I'm inviting 1 set of PILs friends and 3 sets of my parents friends but again they see them on a regular basis. The jury is currently out as to whether we invite the children and grandchildren of the family friends.

We had 40 during the day and then another 90 joined us from 5.30pm (we had the speeches when everyone was there which I think helped to make the eve guests feel welcome and wanted!).

For the daytime we had parents, brother & sisters, aunts & uncles and our closest friends. Then all of the cousins, family friends and our other friends came in the evening.

It took a while for a couple of people to accept that this was what we wanted to do but they did in the end and I really think you need to make a decision on your own and stick to it. Don't be swayed by what other people want you to do.

Good luck!

We decided that we only wanted 17 people including ourselves. this was initially a few less but then invited my brother and sister knowing they were disappointed not to be included. the wedding is over three days. my sister is now just popping in for the day which defeats the whole idea of the type of wedding we wanted. just do what you want as there is always someone would wont be happy no matter what you do x

Evening,

You have all been really helpful and made me feel less of a madwoman, I am taking onboard all of your advice so I'll let you know what happens.

Definitely do your guest list, and your budget around the same time, then edit each to fit. We can only afford 50 daytime, but ate having about another 100 at night. We asked for help with who to invite family wise and OHs mum came up with 95 off her side! We talked about what we wanted as were the ones paying and decided on close family and then our friends who we see so much more often were more important to is to be there in the day. Our families are fine with this so guess were lucky on that part.