Very calm question - UPDATED

Nope. and i'm guessing one of your guests has?

I wouldn't, but I think people do - when people have kids they seem to automatically presume that their babies are invited everywhere.

I wouldn't assume that the baby was invited, but I might check with the bride or groom to make sure.

Yep. Which I think is incredibly rude, especially 2 weeks before the wedding?! I just wondered if it was the done thing that infants under a certain age were presumed unable to be deattached from the parents. Not having kids I never thought they would assume theirs was invited. We took the stance we would only invite children who we knew and actually most people have been quite pleased to have a day away from theirs so we only have 2 little ones coming.

Would you check prior to 2 weeks before?! ?

Definitely! ? I'd check before I RSVPd

I think if they're VERY tiny perhaps there's a case for that - and I mean under two months - if not, then just say "sorry, we're only having kids we know". We've got the same issue in that we have eight potential 6 - 18 monthers at the wedding - we're going to ask for all of them to be left with relatives. No way am I having my ceremony drowned out by tears!

agreed, but i also have friends who love having their children with them at events like these as it's an opportunity to share it with them and look after them themselves. not saying i particularly agree with this stance (especially when your kid is 10m old), but i guess it's a parents prerogative.

but 2 weeks before? that's cutting it a *bit* fine...

i guess the issue is - can you accommodate the 10 month old? how much do you want to? bear in mind that the guests might turn around and say they can't find a babysitter at such short notice and might pull out. ok the fault is theirs for presuming, but it might happen...

I don't want to get all bridezilla about it and normally I'm a very laid back about things. I will take partial responsbility as the whole thing has been organised in a couple of months and the invites only went out a month ago so admitted timescales are tight. It's only come to light as I had to ask for the mum's surname because I'm making the table planner (it's OH's cousin and his partner - i didn't know his partners name or surname as I've never met her) and they came with surname information and the name of the baby! Just a bit shocked is all. ? I personally wouldn't have presumed my (none existant) baby was invited if their name wasn't on the invite.

I definitely think you should check first. The other thing is that you should think of the way you ask your question depending on your relations with the wedding couple. They could be too embarrassed that they will tell you that you can bring your baby with you. I don't think they assume your baby is also invited.

No I wouldn't assume the baby was invited and they should have checked with you before now. I think its kinda rude to assume that the baby would be invited. Can you accommodate a 10 month old on the day?

I would always check first. I'd understand if they couldn't come and leave the baby etc, but i would never just assume that the baby was allowed! Are any other children coming? If not, can you say about venue rules so it doesn't make you seem like the bad guy?! Stick to it, if you don't want a child that you don't know to come and scream all day, then don't. I've got two children coming to my wedding, we only have 2 in my family, my niece (4) and cousins son (18m).

The reason we only invited children we knew was for a few reasons - budget and guest list size, the venue is not particularly child friendly (no play areas or anything its quite an adult venue as its a spa hotel in the middle of nowhere), the fact we wanted our friends to be able to enjoy themselves freely (and so those that aren't bringing thier invited children we are pleased they will be able to relax) and finally I admit I'm not a great fan of them ? ? . But as I say we did invite the ones that we know but as it happens, we have only got 2 coming (one toddler and one 6 year old). Could we accomodate a tenth month old? Err, I suppose so - they won't need food or drink will they as presumably they eat special stuff the parents bring and they won't need a place setting? Just room for a high chair?

I have to say im in the othr corner here, having kids myself i dont think its rude to presume that you can take your kids, i think its rude for them to not be invited as were a family, but thats just my opinion and obv not the same as everyone elses

please dont take offence?

Really? So if an invitation came to you saying that the company of Mr Naomiowen and Mrs Naomiowen were invited to the wedding of Hugo Brambles and partner, to your mind you would see that as your children also being invited to the wedding and turn up with them in tow? Even if the couple had never met you and your kids?

If im onest yeah, if it was from a family member, i think i would check with just friends though?

Even if the couple in question had never met you or your kids?

Sorry - but if your names not down you aren't getting in. That's like me getting an invitation to "Geordiebarbie" but deciding I can bring someone with me!

Invitations clearly state names for a reason...

Im not trying to piss anyone off and beging to wish i hadnt said anything but if they were family then yes i would bring my children, im allowed a difference in opinion to other people, it doesnt make me or anyone else wrong, but i would absolutly expect my guests to bring there children if wanted/needed wether they were named or not, family or friends.

You're not pissing me off, I'm just genuinely completely suprised ?. I've never heard of bringing anyone to a wedding whose actual name isn't on the invitation whether it's their kids or as GB said, a partner, guest etc. I had presumed it was common knowledge that the invite was written to the people invited and not whomever else the invited may feel should be invited.

You're obviously not the only one naomiowen, OH's cousin obviously feels the same!

Not pissing me off either - i too was just giving my thoughts on the question.

Like HB, I too have only stated the names of the guests I want to invite on the invitation.

Just jumping in again here and firstly want to say you're not pissing me off either...lol Everybody has their own views on everything which is what this place is all about.

I'm with GB and HB though and if I were inviting the whole family I would put "& Family" on the invitation, the same as you would put "& Partner". I only expect the person named on the invitation to be attending for a reason. Also I think most people select who they are inviting for very good reasons like their venue size, style, location, budget etc and if guests are just going to bring along extra people then thats just not fair. I know that we are sticking to a budget and can't afford random people to come along that we haven't accounted for.

You see I don't understand that way of thinking that you'd have to state it that they aren't invited? To my mind that's the reason for invitations, to state who you do want to come. ?

I wouldn't assume it, no.

The only way you're going to know for certain is by checking. But, as others have said, you're going to have to go about it carefully, so they aren't embarrassed into saying it's fine when it's not. Preface the question by saying something like "I wanted to check whether or not this was ok or not, as I know that it can be a pain" etc.

That way, it's as though you're making it ok for them to say that they'd rather you didn't bring the babe if they don't want you to.

I think that's the thing - whereas if I got an invite to me alone, I wouldn't presume it included my OH, people do think differently if they have kids - because their world revolves around them, they presume everyone else's does too, and that they should be able to bring 'em along. I'm gonna be making it clear!

For HB precisely, I think you need to think how much you care about having this cousin here - if you're not that bothered then say absolutely that you're not having the kid come along - if you are, then I'm afraid you're going to have to lump it.

I don't want it to turn into a big issue within the family, as I say I'm quite easy going so I'll go along with whatever OH wants to do, it's his family. He's speaking to his Auntie later on today so I'll see what happens. I think I was just really shocked and as I say thought it was a bit rude and bit presumptious tbh. Not something I'd dream of doing myself.

For those who do know about children - am I right in assuming I would have to make no provisions at all for such a young child other than having a high chair available at the meal? ie it will sit on it's mother's lap during the service, eat/drink what the parents bring and sit in said high chair next to parents (so not included on table planner).

With my wedding I have spoken in person to the guests for the meal who are parents to explain why I have decided not to have children there- except my immediate family i.e. nephews and they were all very understanding and I have said that their children are welcome in the evening and are coming up with other evening guests. To be fair though the guest in question is my maid of honour and she was quite relived to hear that as she was worried about having to look after the little one all day.

With the evening guests I have allowed them to bring children as I think they make a lovely addition to the wedding. I do think its one of those things that if you are absolute on needs to be made double clear.

I wouldn't have left any of my children at 10 months to attend a wedding tbh - each of them was still breastfeeding at that age and wouldn't take a bottle so it would have been distressing for them and me to leave them. However - i would have discussed this with the bride as soon as i got the invitation not assumed it would be ok.

Im not sure really to be honest until I came on here I never thought about not inviting children to a wedding but not having kids I would say that people Im inviting all day I would expect kids to come but not so much in the evening! Made me think though!!

x

This happened to us (as the guest very recently) and yes we assumed our daughter was invited as any wedding we'd been to before when she wasn't invited had a note saying that no children were invited. I don't think the fact that the couple hasn't met the child really matters.

wSTs

If the child in question is being breastfeed it might not be so easy for the mum to just leave him/her with someone else.

But no, I wouldn't have just presumed a (hypothetical) child of mine was invited if their name wasn't on the invitation. I would have made further enquiries and explained the situation if that were the case.

Hi Naomi I totally agree with you! In my view weddings are a family occaison and wouldnt dream of inviting anyone with children and expect them not to bring them!

As I have a child myself I would find it very unnatural to go to a family event without him in tow !

If I were to exclude children from my wedding there would be a lot of people who would be unable to come!!

I guess it is up to the bride and groom but I wouldnt see any problem with children!